It's ChristyTime!

Just to remind you

2007-03-03T09:43:00.001-05:00

I've switched over to my baby blog for the duration of this pregnancy...it's so much easier than having two!

Belly pic and update on my baby blog...

2007-01-09T21:36:00.001-05:00

Check out my baby blog for a belly pic and update.

Baby blog

2006-12-31T19:15:00.000-05:00

Head on over to the baby blog if you want to read about how it's going!

7 weeks 1 day

2006-12-20T22:34:00.000-05:00

I'm very tired! I washed my face and pulled my hair up before I realized I needed to take a picture. Here it is.

Week 6

2006-12-12T21:15:00.000-05:00

Pardon the ugliness...

?

2006-11-30T08:27:00.002-05:00

He doesn't want to be a penguin!

2006-11-05T18:51:00.000-05:00

Ohmigosh, is my cousin not the cutest??

Weekend Update

2006-11-05T08:55:00.001-05:00

It's Sunday morning and I'm drinking my coffee before the husband gets up. We'll go to the second service at church. After that there's a turkey dinner that's a fundraiser for the food pantry so we'll probably eat turkey in fellowship hall. And while we eat turkey we will argue whether it's called "stuffing" or "dressing."

Yesterday I had a pretty good day. I went for a standout for a political candidate here (not in my district, but the next one over. My district's not a swing district at all so there's little point in doing stuff around here). I just held a sign and some people honked and gave thumbs-up. Then we all went for lunch and I begged off the afternoon door-to-door because I had to come home and clean. Well then I got caught up going to the grocery and running errands with Andy--since he was in a cranky mood, he didn't feel like doing them alone. I let him buy some caramel Reece's cups so he perked up considerably. The good part of that was that when we got home, he pitched in with cleaning as we had less than half the time I needed to get the house presentable.

BUT, there's no better feeling than a clean house, and our house was pretty close by the time our friends came. We had some candles burning, everything put away, a fire going in the fireplace...lovely. And we had four friends over and we ate burgers and drank champagne and beer (i know, i know) and played trivial pursuit. The girls beat the boys at the last minute. It has been so, so, so long since I've had an evening like that...just...friendly. I'm friends with both the girls (really good friends with one--she's the one who is also TTC so we email nearly every day), and the boys all got along just fine. It was very relaxed and we had fun. I will have to organize another one of those. That one was a complete fluke and just happened because we girls wanted to get together, and you can't really leave the boys, so we put them to work grilling.

There was one semi-bad thing that happened yesterday. Andy went down to the basement to get the table and came back up and said, "Umm, honey, I think we broke the table." When we moved it down before the hardwood floors, we were frustrated that it didn't break into pieces since it was so heavy. Well, halfway through moving (between the porch and the tree, down the cement steps), we were suddenly elated to discover that the table did, in fact, break into four parts! Woohoo!

And yesterday we learned that it wasn't really supposed to do that. Now we have a table in pieces. And I have no idea why, but he went ahead and brought the four chairs up, so they are sitting there all naked in the kitchen. I'm not mad that it's broken, though, because the table was free in the first place and sorely needed to be replaced--we just didn't quite plan on doing it so soon.

It looks like today we will be furniture shopping. I'm looking online to check out the deals. And I think my song for the day will have to be Ashlee Simpson's "Pieces of me."

Mistake

2006-10-29T09:14:00.001-05:00

So I have recently made a mistake. Here's how the conversation went: (A=Andy, C=me) (the day after the Pastor-Parish Relations Committee once again delayed discussing pay raises for our dismally-paid pastors)

A: Yeah, you know how Pastor Pam's tv wasn't plugged in? It's broken.
C: Oh really? Why don't they get a new one?
A: I think they can't afford it. They can't afford internet service either.
C: That's a shame, they have such a huge DVD collection and I know they're movie buffs.
A: Yeah, it sucks for them.
C: Well gosh, I wonder it would be nice of us to give them our tv? We can buy a new one.
A: We don't need a new one.
C: Yeah, I know, but we can afford it and it does look really small in that huge entertainment center. It would be nice to have a bigger one. And we sit so far back from it in our living room.
A: Do you think they would want our old tv?
C: Yeah, I imagine they would, it's a nice tv. And if we got a new one, we could ask them if they would like to take it off our hands, so it wouldn't look like charity.
A: Meh.
C: Meh.

So at that point, I thought, "oh, moot point, we are not going to do anything." But in REALITY, the hubby was trying to contain his glee as he hustled off to pick out his new tv online!! He called his Dad, he checked the sales, he measured the entertainment center for how "big we could go," and when I tried to put the brakes on, he said,

"This is not a conversation between you and me now. You said we could get one, I heard you, you said it. Now it is a conversation between me and my friendly Best Buy salesman. Or Circuit City, I haven't decided."

So we may have a new tv. I'm not super-duper excited about it but ehhhhhhhh. If I let him get it, he'll probably let me paint anything in the house the way I want instead of arguing with me. And I'm sure there will be other perks. That would definitely be his Christmas present though!!!! I was not planning on spending that amount of money this year except on improvements to the house.

In other money news, it looks like my company is going to pay for my parking (210/mo) in exchange for my loading/unloading the dishwashers in the two small kitchens and wiping down the counters every day. Pretty sweet, right? Since we are not pregnant yet I am trying to gather as much money as I can. Sometimes it's tough because I just want to stay home already to SEE my husband, but I know this isn't forever.

One thing that really bothers me--besides never seeing my husband and commuting two hours a day--is the fact that our nutrition is awful. We continually eat "out" or eat take-out. It's terrible. And I eat out at lunch probably four days out of five. My only healthy meal every day is breakfast. And since my butt sits in that seat from 8 am to 6 pm, I'm hungry about 3 and want a snack, so I go to the Baskin Robbins for ice cream. I can feel my jeans getting tighter, and I don't like it. And eating out so much isn't economical either.

I've also been having a LOT of frustration at work--came home the other day in tears. My immediate superior is great, but another person in the dept who is higher than I am has become extremely bossy and patronizing. I hate having to deal with that kind of crap. It's so stupid--why not just be nice about it? Really, what's the point of being a witch to other people? Perhaps my feathers are ruffled because I'm prideful. I may not be the highest-ranking person in the company, but I'm just as intrinsically good as anyone else and deserving of respect. We all are.

I hate being talked down to, I really do. It's one of my pet peeves. But Andy and I talked about it and my plan is to wait until I get pregnant, and then if I'm really sick during the pregnancy, I'll just quit. If I find it pretty tolerable, I'll stick it out until I'm 8ish months along. It's not necessarily a bad place to work--just one particular frustration with one person. I like everybody else, and I even like this person when she's not trying to throw her weight around.

Andy wants me to quit right now because he never sees me and there's so much to do on the house and the dog is always alone and I'm always exhausted from being gone 12 hours a day. But I don't know--I'm afraid that would 1) look poorly on my resume, and 2) make me feel like I weren't doing anything. Right now I am earning good money for the hours I work, and I am really hoping we'll either be able to enjoy the money or save it.

Andy's in the shower getting ready for church. We are slowly getting the smell out of this place; the more dust we remove, the better it smells. And this house is going to be so great when we are finished with it! Zillow has it currently listed as worth 75k more than we paid for it, and that does not include improvements like adding square footage (next project) by finishing the front porch and finishing the back porch to turn it into a bedroom. We are really hoping we'll be able to make back what we put into this house. We don't know much about home improvement so we're just plugging away and hiring people when we need help.

I guess that is about it for now. The sun has come out and it's gorgeous today--maybe I'll go take some video of our lake and post it? I think I am going to purchase the "Audio Tools" that go with the the video software so that I can create music videos. Would anybody else enjoy that?

Our floors

2006-10-27T17:33:00.000-04:00

Saturday Update

2006-10-21T10:30:00.000-04:00

Andy's coming home! He just called. WOOHOO! Apparently he finished up at dawn this morning. For those of you who are familiar with Boy Scouts, he had to go away because he was getting the top honor in the Order of the Arrow. Order of the Arrow is like a secret honor society in Scouts, and this top honor is a really big deal. They have to set up committees and do all sorts of preparation for months beforehand, then the person getting initiated has to go through a bunch of tasks before the ceremony happens. And apparently my husband blazed through them so he could come on home to me! (He has been a little bit in the doghouse these past few weeks because I'm *sick* of his being gone...but he won't have anywhere to go for quite awhile now.)

I know he'll sleep this morning and day as he hasn't slept since the night before last. But he's going to come up to Renee and Leigh's and we'll do pumpkins and watch movies and such. I'm sure he'll get tired and pass out but since we're staying the night, that's fine.

We got the hardwood floor wood already and it's stacked up in the living room. I can't help but feel that this will singlehandedly be the biggest improvement to this house. I keep meaning to take pictures but I really prefer taking them when a room is officially "done," and I doubt *anything* will be really done until we're ready to sell this place.

Incidentally, two things are coming up: my birthday and Christmas. I know you all don't know me but I'm batty about both holidays. We are currently in Birthday Month and within a couple of weeks we'll be in Birthday Week, which means cookies and cupcakes for everybody. On my birthday I always wear a big button that says, "Birthday girl" and force everyone to celebrate by giving them more cake. I know, I know, am I pushy or what?? I LOVE BIRTHDAYS! I mean really--one year gone by. That's something to celebrate. I have friends who haven't made it this far in life and I staunchly feel that every year survived and lived is an accomplishment. So eat that cookie for me! :) My coworkers are a little curious about this--I've already invited all of them to accompany me to the California Pizza Kitchen for a birthday lunch, and I'll be bringing pastries all week. Luckily, another guy in the office has the same birthday (down to the year, but I'm a few hours older) so I am going to promote his birthday as well.

And thennnnnnnnnnnnnn, it's CHRISTMAS SEASON!!!!!!!! Oh heavens, I can't get enough of that Christmas music and the decorations and the snow and the good feelings all around. I get teary-eyed every step of the way. I am seriously like Christmas with the Kranks--and my husband is too, because he doesn't really like it (but humors me). I'm going to go to the Christmas Tree Shops and buy a houseful of decorations. I love Christmas because:
1. The food
2. The wonderful music
3. The smells (this year will be my first real Christmas tree ever, as my mom and brother are allergic to pine)
4. The way we all stomp around in snow boots and zip-zop snow pants
5. The decorations--both in my house and throughout the city (bows! bows!)
6. The reminder of the imporance of family
7. The sense of community. For ONCE, people look each other in the eye and nod. For ONCE, we see the less fortunate--not just see them as "those poor people" as Bostonians tend to do, but see them as PEOPLE. We give each other dignity back.
8. The reminder--all too important--of what Christianity is all about. Jesus' arrival as a baby in a manger really hits home with me--his lowly birth, his sweetness, his need for humanity to love him back, his Grace. Sometimes during Easter I feel a sense of shame because I know he died for me in *that* awful way. I feel that it's a debt I could never repay, and I don't even know where to start. But on Christmas...well, I know how to change a diaper, I know how to coo and rock, and I know how to snuggle a baby to sleep. I feel like Christmas--or rather, the way Jesus chose to come into this world--is a gift for me because it makes me feel so much closer to him, so loved, and so quietly honest. Babies don't hold a record of wrongs, and neither does Jesus.

Annnnnd, here is the video I took last week on our hike. I can't figure out how to add audio but I had planned to add Nickel Creek to it.

Go buy the book!

2006-10-17T13:57:00.000-04:00

Have you bought it yet? Get thee to a bookstore!
Visit Nancy's website.

Read an interview with Nancy.

Have you read it yet? What did you think? Comment away!

No News is Good News

2006-10-17T09:30:00.000-04:00

I've been asked to update, so here goes:

This past weekend we took our annual romantic weekend getaway to New Hampshire. It was lovely! On Saturday we drove up to the Mulburn Inn (same place we went last year) and on the way we stopped at Franconia National Park. We hiked up to the lost lake, which was absolutely gorgeous. Apparently a couple of guys lived there for years, just hiking and fishing in the lake. I wonder, what kind of courage would one have to have to take an adventure like that? Was there more of a desire to GO to a beautiful place or to leave a grungy place? Were they excited about something better or were they just content to leave the junk behind?

At exactly the wrong time, I'm hit with a strong desire to simplify my life. I want crap OUT of my house and I want everything organized. I want things to be clear and predictable. Are they? Not at all! Not even a little bit. I've got things here and there and everywhere. Andy and I were talking about it in the car on the way to NH--do we ever think we'll simplify our lives? We were both raised to be packrats but we can't stand it! I hope within the next year or so we'll be able to get rid of stuff and have a simplified lifestyle. My goal is to have the house organized by the time we leave in a little under 2 years. Andy wants to get it done before we have a baby because babies mean loads of presents from the new grandparents. So that cuts our time down a bit! I don't know if it's possible. We really need to be on Clean Sweep or something.

Oh, anyway, back to my weekend. Saturday night we had a nice dinner (sore! but nice) and Sunday we had a lovely homecooked breakfast followed by a drive through the Presidential Mountain chain. Silly me, I didn't realize we had driven through it--I was watching for someone's face in the mountain! I had confused the Old Man in the Mountain with Mt Rushmore with the Presidential Mountain chain. Then we went to the outlet malls in North Conway (didn't buy anything, just browsed) and drove past lake Winipekasee (sp?). I hear the Romneys have a place there. Then we came back to the house, walked the dog, and had a lovely evening of TWO home movies.

Next week we get the hardwood floors put in, so we are going to try to organize some tonight (ha ha ha, as if). Andy's waiting for his car to be finished and as soon as that happens, he's going to buy a canoe with his birthday money. Oh, how I look forward to floating around in our lake with a good book! (Maybe Nancy's book?)

So, there it is! I'm tired and disorganized but everything's fine. No news is good news, right?

A photo from Renee's wedding

2006-10-08T11:49:00.000-04:00

I am so incredibly blessed...this is how I feel about my husband every day.

Random Memories

2006-10-07T23:10:00.000-04:00

Saturday update

2006-09-30T12:07:00.000-04:00

Well, folks, it's Saturday and Chester and I are sitting on the couch with a log burning in the fireplace. I'm drinking tea and he's watching the log...will it move? What's it going to do? Watch! Watch! Of course we can't figure out which way the flue is open and closed so I've smoked up the whole house. When it gets really cold outside we'll be able to tell the difference. Right now it's only in the 50s, but I'm trying to avoid turning the oil heat on. Since it's just me here today, I don't need to heat the whole house.

Did you all see the post about Nancy's book? Check it out! (Gracie, she moved back to TN, she's Southern through and through!) Until that book comes out I'm reading Harry Potter 2. Well, re-reading for the fifth (at least) time. I had a wonderful morning of laying in bed reading for an hour before I got up. It was delightful!

Has anyone else ever wondered about how the Internet--and blogging in particular--can tend to exaggerate our emotions? It's like we almost feel embarrassed when our lives are stable and healthy because it's disinteresting. Of course, folks like Nancy can turn any mundane experience into a hilarious account, but the rest of us just sort of putter along and go through life. It seems that it's become fashionable to highlight what's wrong with ourselves--to make each individual life into a soap opera. I wonder, though, if it's just me who has noticed that. A slight funk suddenly becomes a deep depression, and a marital tiff becomes cause for intense therapy. It's almost like we have no patience for working through things--it's so much easier to think we can farm out that work to doctors, therapists, and drugs than to think we can or should do it ourselves.

I'm not at *all* saying those three things aren't useful--they definitely are in the right circumstance--but it seems to me that it's become a first reaction ("I'll just go get some Prozac from my family doctor") rather than one part of a comprehensive treatment. Incidentally, I've never known any treatment that worked that did NOT involve a significant investment from the person being treated. Drugs do help but they must be in tandem with therapy. Therapy does work but it requires a change of lifestyle and a support system. There's no easy solution, and you can't really "farm it out" to anyone without doing some work yourself.

Given that there's no easy solution for real mental illness, I wonder why people are so quick to categorize themselves as being mentally ill. For example, my desire to have a clean house coupled with my love of orderliness does NOT inherently mean that I suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder. People truly do suffer from that and would be an insult to lump my enjoyment of order with their suffocating need for it. Similarly, a situational issue that makes us sad and disoriented does not necessarily mean we are "depressed" to a clinial extent. Some people absolutely are--and deserve treatment--but I am continually surprised at how quick we are to pass off situational sadness as full-blown depression. What is it that makes people eager to categorize themselves as mentally ill?

There's a song that goes, "If you want to be somebody else, if you're tired of fighting battles with yourself, then change your mind." It seems to me that many of my generation *don't* change our mindset and we don't take active steps to change the situations that cause our sadness. It's almost like it has become fashionable to be dreary.

I suppose I find it fascinating because it's completely counter-intuitive to me. Wouldn't we all want to be happy? Wouldn't we fix the situation rather than medicate the symptom? Or is this perhaps just dramatics and we all know it?

A great new book--check it out!

2006-09-30T10:38:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine wrote this. If you like a good laugh from a smart woman, check it out! It comes out October 9th.

Check it out on amazon.com, where you can pre-order it for a substantial discount. Here's the description: For the first 20 years of her life, all Nancy French knew of the world was Paris--Paris, Tennessee, that is. When the former homecoming queen trades in cow-tipping, big hair, and the Catfish Capital of the World for a new life in the Big Apple, she is in for a real education. With a keen sense of humor, French discusses everything from the South's obsession with church attendance to the blue-state notion that red staters think as slowly as they speak.

Please feel free to copy this html and put it on your own site! Let's spread the word and support Nancy!

Okay, a real post

2006-09-23T11:56:00.000-04:00

I know I have posted anything real in awhile, sorry sorry! The hubby got into a car wreck on Monday and his car is drivable but pretty darn beat up. We are waiting on the assessor to come and figure out the damage to determine whether they will total it or fix it. We would rather fix it because another car payment is not that exciting.

Hubby's bday is coming up. He really, really doesn't want me to get him anything but I want to get him something! He especially doesn't want me to waste 3 dollars on a card because he will just throw it away. I am thinking of trying to get some Bruins tickets or something like that--something that will be a real treat for him. It would be even better if I told him he could take a guy to it instead of me; then he could drink beer and eat nachos with jalepenos to his heart's content. We will have to wait and see though. He can be really uptight about money so I don't want to spend "too much" even though he bought me a huge anniversary present. I just don't understand that man; he sees presents for me as "an investment" and presents for him as "a waste of money."

Chester is getting a bath today and he doesn't know it yet. He's enjoying having me home; I haven't been home much lately! As I am a real homebody this has been probably more stressful on me than on the dog. I just love being home and everything home-ish. I don't like being gone 7 am to 9:30 pm. The house is not clean enough and I haven't had time to do anything crafty lately.

Oh did I mention I now have a minimum hour-long commute? Superfun. Maggie suggested I find some books-on-cd and I may do that. Usually I flip around on the radio and sing really loudly to keep myself awake at 6:50 am. My xm radio works again and I have been meaning to plug it in in my car (but first I have to find it and put the magnetic antenna up). That has the best music. I wish I had a smaller version of it though; one the size of an Ipod that I could slip in to work and listen to while writing code. I would like an Ipod except for the work it takes to set up and purchase music lists--too much for me! I'd rather just listen to non-commercial radio. And now I also have to pay $210 in parking a month. I have offered to take over kitchen duty in exchange for the company's paying for my parking and the Executive Assistant perked up at this idea and said she'd forward it on to management right away. Apparently having the regular cleaning service also run the dishwasher, put away dishes, and wipe the counters once a day is really expensive. Even though I know it would be adding extra work to an already-hectic schedule, I would like to have that extra money every month.

And the ultra-top-secret news that you CANNOT tell anybody (for folks who actually know me) is that we quit with the birth control a few weeks ago. What's the sense in waiting until January? Obviously I'll post as soon as something comes of it.

My dad has not been feeling well and no, I don't want to talk about it, but there it is.

In better news, my birthday is coming up in November--that means only one month and a week until Birthday Month and a little more than that until Birthday Week. Woohoo!

Tonight we are going to Manchester to watch Renee's husband in the Ultimate Fighting competition at the Verizon arena. He is competing for the New England Middleweight championship. This is his last fight ever--he just turned 33 and he feels it's time to retire "because kids will be coming along soon." And of course he told me that about 30 minutes after Renee had been telling me she couldn't see kids coming along for at least 3-4 years...ha ha. They are too cute together. They really are a wonderful couple. I may make signs to take tonight; I'm gonna call her to ask if that's "done" and then I'll go to Walmart and buy the stuff to make them. I think we're going to try to be there in time to have dinner with Renee. She is really nervous for Leigh and wants him to win so badly so that he can go out with a real flair.

I guess that is it. I'm gonna go grab another half-cup of coffee and get ready to shower the dog. I have also been meaning to install my software for downloading/manipulating video files so I can start posting our videos to you-tube so I may do that.

Hope you all are having a great day.

My Office and My View Every Day

2006-09-21T17:32:00.000-04:00

Hello out there!

2006-09-21T16:03:00.000-04:00

I've been asked to update but things are just rather eh right now. The hubby got into a three-car wreck (got sandwiched between a car in front and an asphalt truck pulling a trailer from behind...the back of his Jeep is pretty smashed) and I've been out every evening for a week so I feel rather swamped. But tonight...tonight I'll be watching the Office and eating popcorn. I CANNOT WAIT! Right now though I've got to get back to work, so I'll leave you with this tear-jerker:

If anybody is going to be around during the Office, I am christy_re on yahoo messenger.

Sept 11th

2006-09-11T21:59:00.000-04:00

Five years ago I was awoken by a phone call from my dad, who immediately asked if I had seen the news. I said, "No, Dad, you woke me up!" And I still recall his reply and I think I will until my dying day:

"Oh it's awful, it's just awful...(deep breath)...terrorists have attacked New York and Washington. The President is in a plane, they won't disclose his location, but he's alive. Our nation is under attack." He told me to stay in my dorm room until we figured more out, and that he had to call my brother to tell him.

I stumbled out of my bedroom in time to see the towers collapse on TV. I called my then-longtime-boyfriend who was from Long Island. He couldn't get in touch with his dad who worked in Rockefeller Center and his best friend worked in Tower 2. He had to get off the phone in case someone--anyone--called with news. He was beside himself with panic. I felt numb.

The campus was surreal. A lot of the Vanderbilt kids had parents who worked in the Twin Towers. People were hysterical, there was a huge phone bank in the student union for kids to try--and try--and TRY to reach family in New York. Counselors were bussed in from miles around. I didn't cry because I felt I didn't deserve to cry for those I didn't know.

A Sigma Chi who had just graduated died in the Towers. He sent an email before he died. The Sigma Chis hung their one-story-high flag from their building and put floodlights on it, and blared bagpipes funeral music for a whole two days. The frat brothers sobbed. Many other Vanderbilt recent alumni died that day. I wrote a prayer and gave it at the University-wide service. I don't remember much from that service because they played Adagio for Strings, which is what we played at Justin's memorial service, and I suddenly couldn't stop crying. I have never heard that song since he died and not cried. People thought I was sobbing for those who died in the Towers and I guess I was...I was crying for all who grieve, and all we've lost, and lives snuffed out too early. Suddenly I was surrounded by other people who had lost their best friends like I had. It was terrible.

My ex's dad walked all the way to Long Island in borrowed shoes where his exhausted wife picked him up, crying. His best friend happened to be late to work that day and got off the train just as the towers collapsed. He turned and ran. He made it home okay. What luck. My ex's home church lost over 200 people that day.

My roommate wanted to watch every piece of news coverage, almost like a drug. For me it was too close. A family friend was in the Towers too at a conference. He was in one of the lower stories and ran to safety. Others weren't so lucky. I still hate seeing the footage. In fact it makes me sick.

It's still really hard for me to process all of this. My dog's whimpering because I'm crying--"It's okay, Chester!" But really, it's not. They're still out there, and they're planning more. I just hope we stay one step ahead. And I admit, I still like the photo of the Statue of Liberty with her middle finger stuck high in the air, saying, "We're coming, motherfuckers!" I know it's wrong to feel vengeful but there it is.

My Celebrity Look-Alikes

2006-09-09T17:37:00.000-04:00

I've been tagged!

2006-09-08T11:57:00.000-04:00

Jule Ann has tagged me for a word association game. Here goes!

aluminum - foil

braid - hair

claustrophobia - small rooms

dumpling - gang

elevator - up

Ouch, these are bad. I'm not very creative this morning! I haven't had my coffee yet. Today I am taking one of our pastors out to lunch at Cracker Barrel. She's never been there. Cracker B is a little bit of home here in the blue state of Mass, and I think she'll enjoy it! I just gave Chester a bath, too. I'm enjoying my day off. This afternoon will be spent doing chores so that this weekend I can focus on my husband.

I'm supposed to tag others to do a word association, so I tag Maggie.

Kumquat

Gobbledygook

Lollygag

Diphthong

Masticate

Go!

Labor Day Blahs

2006-09-04T17:47:00.000-04:00

I've been asked to update, so update I shall.

First, damn you, Aunt Flo. You are not welcome in my house.

Second, I'm lately frustrated with how MEAN Massachusetts people can be. I keep thinking I'm oversensitive but no, I'm not. People around here keep positive thoughts to themselves and anything negative has to be broadcast to the world. There is very little community, very little happiness anywhere near Boston and I struggle to insulate myself from it. It doesn't help that I'm a homebody at heart. I like warm fires, clean kitchens and fresh muffins. I want to sit at my computer and type from home after taking the dog on a walk around the lake. I don't like it when people are in my face, criticizing everything they can, and I don't like bullies. There are a lot of bullies around here. Boston's full of them, and it's pretty well-known. What a sad, pathetic way of life, you know? Blech! Sometimes I feel like I just want to shower off all the negativity with a good scrub and some fresh bath salts. It's so pervasive and it feels like poison to the soul. Perhaps a bath is what I need tonight, along with some positive thinking! Now I know why Paul spoke of a Christian warrior, with weapons like Scripture and the Spirit.

Third, we went to one of the strangest weddings I've ever been to last night. It was nearly two hours long and was a Methodist wedding that discussed GLBT's right to marriage in the OPENING LINE, then had Jewish, Buddhist, Islamic, and Christian blessings followed by a communion served by a rainbow-frocked priest to the tune of African drums and songs in an African language. There were only white liberals there. In fact, we were probably the odd ones out because we're conservatives. I'm really happy for the couple getting married--they're wonderful together--but MAN, that was a strange wedding to attend. I'm still chewing on it in my mind.

Fourth, I made a bumblebee-themed gazebo bird-house thing today with my friend Karen (from the Republican Women's group here in Boston, all 16 of us...). It was fun and the little house is a-dor-a-ble! We grabbed some lunch at Panera and came back and did our crafts and had tea and talked for hours. It was really nice. And now I have realized my new hobby is doing random crafty things for the nursery we're starting to put together. It's relaxing, creative, and productive. I feel like I'm actually taking pro-active steps toward Baby when in reality I'm just getting paint and hot glue all over my fingers.

This is what I made:

Fifth (who's really counting now?), the hubby and I cleaned out the front porch on Saturday and set up the laundry room as the office. It's not super-polished but it looks good, and I'm glad we did it. We also created a lot more space in the front porch to put our stuff when we finish the back porch.

Sixth (yeah, I'm still counting), I've been working on my cookng skills and they are vastly improved! I'm gonna start dinner here in a minute and start bugging the husband to do some tidying and/or dishes. He's been laying around reading his new sci-fi novels all day.

Finally, I have word that I may have some business thrown my way for editing and technical writing. I would love to get that going! It would give me peace of mind to know I'd be able to earn some money AND stay home instead of just assuming/hoping it'll happen.

I guess that's it. I'm off to make rosemary chicken with garlic potato wedges. If I screw up we'll order pizza.

Never Marry a Career Woman

2006-08-27T10:33:00.000-04:00

I found this Forbes article very interesting. Check it out, then read the rest of my post.

First, I was disappointed that the female journalist chose to counter the male journalist's mounds of empirical evidence with anecdotal commentary. Just because she feels these things aren't true for her doesn't mean the studies were wrong in their widespread polls. Moreover, she points out how things are "better" in her marriage...than what? The implied "than" is a marriage in which one spouse stays home with children. She insinuates that this leads to marital dischord (as evidenced by preferring to sit by people other than the spouses at dinners?) and points out that unlike "other" couples, she and her husband enjoy their quality time more and work harder to stay in love with each other. Like I said, her anecdotal commentary isn't very convincing, which is disappointing. I wish she would have scrounged some statistics up, because without them, it looks like she's making it up. (I read a similar commentary in Parents magazine. In a letter to the editor, an angry mother wrote a response to the article on how toddlers should be kept at a healthy body weight through healthy snacks, exercise, and awareness on the part of the parent. It emphasized the fact that many parents delude themselves into thinking their toddlers are healthy when they're really quite overweight--and how this can affect the kid for years to come. Well, the angry mother's toddler was rather husky, and she didn't think he was fat, so the whole article must be wrong!)

Back to the Forbes article at hand. I'm troubled by some of these statistics, as you'll notice they imply that well-educated women, whether they have careers or stay home, are destined to be less happy than their high-school-educated peers. Well, crap. I hope that isn't true. BUT, if it is, I have a possible reason why. I think college-educated people are more likely to fall into the spiritual trap of materialism and success. The reasons for this are not necessary a lack of virtue--instead, it is perhaps a temperament thing.

Let me explain by describing a conversation the husband and I had yesterday. I've realized lately that I have had a lifetime habit of seeing what is "successful" and achieving it, come hell or high water. Read 500 books a summer? No problem! Varsity tennis, varsity volleyball, local community theatre, top band and choir, state choir, local youth symphony, and more while maintaining a 4.0 even taking every honors class and college course available? You got it! This desire to be the best, the most accomplished, the most enviable is part of what led me to Vanderbilt and later to Harvard. And shocker of shockers, it has led me to hope I could make it work in the corporate sector. Wealth is, at my age, the new frontier, and my gut reaction is to conquer it!

But at this point I had to put on the brakes. Did I ever stop to examine whether I really *wanted* to achieve these goals? Nah, not really. I wanted success, I wanted honor, I wanted to be better than all my peers. I fall prey to whatever is successful, materialism included, perhaps because it is in my very temperament. Why else did I work three years and take out massive student loans to slap "Harvard" on my already-impressive pedigree? Spiritually, this is bad. Swallowing my pride is one of the most difficult things for me to do, and engaging in humble acts is painful for me. This is not good. There's absolutely no room for what God wants in this attitude.

Had I not put on the brakes, I could see this taking me down a very dangerous road. Let's call that road the "Restoration Hardware" road. Do I really need a 100 dollar toilet paper holder? Nope. Does it really look different from the 15-dollar one at Lowe's? Nope--except to the trained eye (and this trained eye is not God's eye). As tempting as Restoration Hardware is, if I were to shop there it would be to impress certain people with my success, and that's not how I should be spending my money. I should be spending my money on God, family, community, and charity, not toilet paper holders. It's a matter of priority, and college-educated women like me may fall prey to the evil temptations of pride and desire for success. Dedication to worldly honor was what has driven us thus far, and if we don't stop to think through it, we may continue to ignore God's viewpoint.

But I digress--back to the article. The last point I wanted to make was about the state of homes with working women. What makes this a conundrum is the fact that many women still feel pressure to have Better Homes and Gardens-style homes while working 50 hours a week, shuttling their kids around, maintaining a happy marriage, and maintaining their precious beauty? Is this really possible? I don't think so--something's gotta give. And whatever that "something" is, a woman's likely to feel frustrated about it. All too often it's the relationships with the kids or husband, and this leads to divorce. You can't pay a maid service to listen to your husband talk about his day, and no nanny truly substitutes for time with Mom. Perhaps many women have found out the hard way that you can't have it all--just as men have discovered. I'm feeling this pain now, as I feel pressure to have a spotless home while working 45 hours, commuting up to 2 hours a day, spending time with the dog, talking with the husband, and staying well-read so as to be an interesting person. I haven't even had time for exercise! I can't imagine throwing children to the mix, much less keep this schedule up for long. It's exhausting, and it's taking a toll on our marriage even now. We work hard to overcome it, but I can't imagine working hard to overcome it for the next 40 years until retirement.

How, exactly, do you put a marriage and family first in such a demanding world? Is not being a career woman the ticket, or is it something else? I'd love to hear some thoughts.

Now I know why

2006-08-22T17:13:00.000-04:00

Tuesdays suck.

I just received the obituary of one of my sorority sisters. She died Saturday in a car wreck in Memphis.

It's awkward receiving news like this at work.

Tuesdays are Poo-days!

2006-08-22T13:29:00.000-04:00

From an email to AutumnAdytum, in an effort to cut down on rewriting and get back to work, as it IS the end of my lunch break in a couple of minutes...

Tonight we're going out to the North End and getting dinner at Dolce Vita (fancy italian restaurant) and then Mike's Pastry for cannolis. I am going with the rest of the marketing dept as a goodbye to a few of our staff who are leaving. And dinner is covered by the company! Woo!

Tuesdays normally suck. I am definitely cranky and am trying to find things to be cranky about but besides the lack of sleep I'm okay. Dammit. Way to ruin a perfectly good bad mood! And then I'll get stuffed with cannolis...what's a girl to do on a Tuesday? I guess I'll have fun, but I don't have to be *happy* about it! :)

I was reading Billy Graham Sunday night and the book was overall very good. But the husband and I had a disagreement about the timeline for dishes--which was totally minor--and then I read a chapter on death and how we should look on the death of a Christian as a release into a better life, and next thing you know the husband is coming in from washing dishes and I burst into tears because I had just finished the chapter and he was like, "I'm sorry! I'll go do more dishes! I'm sorry! Don't cry!" Ha ha ha. I didn't milk it; I told him I was reading about funerals and he put my book away and came to bed and we read fiction together.

Theological Reflection

2006-08-19T11:45:00.000-04:00

Last night the husband and I were at dinner, trying to think of *something* to talk about besides babies, and the conversation switched to our faith. After thought, I declared, "You know, I feel like we're living in Patmos."
"Patmos?" He replied.
"Yes, we definitely live in Patmos."
"No, we don't."
"We don't?" I incredulously asked.
(laughing) "No, honey, we live in BABYLON."

Touche, dear husband, touche. We are in the belly of the beast, trying to keep the flame of faith alive in an uncompromisingly spiritually devoid place. When I first moved to Cambridge, the city seemed to exist in shades of gray. After a few months, I realized, "This city has turned its back on God." There is an ethos here that rejects what is good, what is right, what is healthy in the name of militant individualism. We have made a god of secularism, of hippies, of "alternative" and "progressive" thought. Ann Coulter was right--liberalism can be a religion, complete with mantra, dogma, and consequences. Even the origin and afterlife are explained by Darwinism and atheism.

Now that we live in the suburbs, it's not quite as strong, but it is still painfully present. Our home often feels like an outpost, and I spend so much time in defense mode that I rarely nuture my faith. Those who defend their farms against constant attack rarely have time to till and harvest, and I have been struggling so hard to keep what I have that I haven't grown in faith. I wonder sometimes how Christians felt before the fall of Rome, when good sense had gone the way of the wind and self-indulgence was law. Did they feel isolated too?

In better news, I have figured out a way to try to work from home. I'm going to try to drum up some business in editing, as I'm really good at it, enjoy it, and get paid to do it already. Here's the site I've developed. If you know any college/grad students or authors, point them my way! The husband and I are thinking that we'll begin trying to conceive this winter, barring unforeseen problems. I really hate that we've had to put it off.

And in still better news, the husband also had a long talk with his boss about promotions. It looks like in order to fast-track him, we'll have to leave in two and a half years to go to the next council. Darn! And I was SO hoping to stay. This is great news because if we leave in 2.5 years we'll 1) get a cheaper house, 2) he'll get bigger raises more often, and 3) well, we'll get to leave. The first two things also mean we'll be able to afford more kids while I stay home. Woohoo! I realize this is all in the future, but I am pleased that it looks like our rock-and-a-hard-place conundrum is temporary.

I think we're going to tidy the house (haven't done dishes in a week!) and then go for a hike. It'll be great! Chester would be excited if we'd say the word "walk," but we've been putting it off because we don't want him to go bonkers an hour before it's time to go.

Ooo, ooo, will I say it? "Chester, do you wanna go for a walk? You DO??" Hee hee.

New Living Room Color

2006-08-17T21:38:00.000-04:00

You'll have to excuse the terribly messy coffee table and left-out sliders; the husband JUST finished the room today so we had pizza-and-movie night. He hates my constant tidying so I'm laying off for the evening.

The thing to the right is the entertainment center; it fits neatly up against the wall. The room really does feel bigger but still pretty pulled-together. With the plain white walls of the base, the room felt really disjointed, but the gold in the walls and the gold in the furniture makes the whole room feel very warm. I think once we have our white oak floors, this room might feel really nice! Here's hoping anyway.

I have started an effort--however small--to drum up some funds via editing (for academia, print, and Web). (Yes, Web is capitalized when not used as an adjective!) Should you or *anyone* you know need anything edited, let me know! I'm hoping to turn this into a job I could do from a home office part-time once we have kids. Here's the site I've begun. Don't be shy, tell a friend!

Speaking of kids, why is it that our liberated ideal of womanhood has morphed into, well, being a man? Monogamy, raising kids, wearing skirts, keeping the family ties...these things are all "old fashioned" it seems. Nowadays we're supposed to wear suits, put the kids in daycare from 7-6 (where they are mostly kept fed and entertained, but not necessarily nurtured), and gosh, I don't know any "modern" woman who puts family first. I find myself in the Yale girls camp--remember that hullabaloo last year? Most Yale co-eds said they'd choose to be stay-at-home-mothers while their kids were young, and feminists went bonkers saying how much my generation has regressed. Am I backwards for not wanting to be a man or fulfill male ideals? What made the masculine approach the better one? That seems like the real sexism to me. Okay, rant is over.

The husband asked me to go back on coffee, as I miss it so much and there's less pep in my step. I've had two cups since this weekend and, well, the thrill is gone. The thrill is gone away...but now I know that I can heartily enjoy a cup of hazelnut java without craving a coffee drip every morning. Very small news, I know.

Work is still going fine; lately I've been working on some email copy and new graphics for the new java site structure. My supervisor has gone round and round with the team in the UK and I can see why he's frustrated. The more I do this job, the more I realize how frustrating bureaucracy can be! He handles it well, though, and I enjoy working under him. The department head is really easy to work with, too. In fact, I like everybody at my office for different reasons, but I think those in my department are teaching me more than the rest. My major contribution to the department (beyond my internet marketing bit) is to be the grammar checker for everyone. Well, it's more than just grammar--it's style, content, fact-checking, the whole bit. Who loves details? Oooh, oooh, ME!!!!!

It's time for bed so I'm off.

Weekend Update

2006-08-13T18:08:00.000-04:00

Well, it has been requested that I update, and I confess I don't have much news. The wedding photos are on their way and we've been painting the living room this weekend. We're going with a cream-and-goldish Tuscan Accents and it has struck me that perhaps we should switch the couch and the loveseat to make the room feel more open. We also painted the ceiling and it looks SO much better. Of course, with the white walls (the base of the Tuscan Accents), the carpet looks awful. It really is stained everywhere. We're getting our white oak floors installed in October--woohoo! All we have to do is spruce up the fireplace and our living room will be finished. I plan to post pictures as we go.

I just read We're Pregnant this afternoon. What a roller coaster!!! I laughed, I cried, and I swear I felt like I had given birth by the end. I have such awful baby fever; it's really getting frustrating. The husband still says we'll try this spring because my vacation days will renew and I'll be able to make it to all my doctors' appointments. My vote is this winter. We'll see how the house is going, I suppose.

The husband and I have had some talks recently--he keeps trying to get me excited about B-school--and honestly, it's not fully working. Talking about something that I *kind-of* want while putting off what I *really* want makes me feel like what I *really* want will never happen. Added to that is the fact that I've only committed to think about B-school this spring--I'm still not sold on going. I am honestly still deciding whether the corporate life is for me. The alternative would be to try to have a small business of my own--probably in internet marketing--that would pay small bills while I raise my kids. We say we want four and I just don't see how we're going to have four and have me work full time. What's the point if you're just going to stick them in daycare and after-school care?

As Autumnadytum pointed out, my husband's expectations and mine aren't quite jiving. He never expected to have a stay-at-home wife/mother and I never expected to have to work while the kids were young. I wonder who will win? I don't have any major beef with daycare but I don't relish the idea. I want to raise my own kids. Does this make me closed-minded? Is this an implicit slam on those who put their kids in daycare? I hope not--I don't mean it as such. Am I wasting my Harvard/Vanderbilt education? Maybe, but I also feel like life is more than showing off degrees. There's a deeper side to existence that involves my number one priority--family. Additionally, the fact of the matter is that it's just *not that easy* for me to have a real job while my husband is a career Boy Scout Executive. He's gone in the evenings and random weekends so much that when I work 8-6, I rarely see him. I want to stay home to be with the kids, pick up the slack, and work out of a home office. I want to have a real family, and if we constantly miss each other day-to-day...well, it's just not worth it (having my own corporate career). So these are thoughts that are swimming around in my head. If anybody has any advice or even just thoughts, please add a comment and share. If you have found a balance between bills, kids, and a husband's erratic schedule, would you tell me how you did it?

The husband is really hungry so it's off to the grocery we go, then back to do our final layer of Tuscan gold. I'll post pix once I have them.

Rehearsal Dinner and Shrimp

2006-08-05T09:05:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I took a half-day off work to come home and get ready for a rehearsal dinner in Ipswich. I also went to get a manicure and pedicure--something I haven't done in over a year. It is such a frivolous luxury!!! But, I'll be in the wedding, so I felt perhaps it was justified. Added to that is the fact that the husband has been demanding that I do it for a few months now. The toes are a sort of red/fuschia and the fingers are french manicured. I am TOO cute now!

Then we got ready and went to the rehearsal. Anybody else ever try on dresses and say, "What the heck happened here?" My rear fits, my waist fits, but my chest no longer fits. I ended up wearing the same dress that I wore to my rehearsal dinner last year.

We arrived 40 minutes early because I got confused and assumed that the rehearsal began at 6--so we showed up at 5:50. Don't ALL rehearsals start at six? I know they don't, but MINE did, and therein laid my confusion. Luckily the rehearsal was at a restaurant and the surprised wait staff (previously lounging in chairs) jumped up and served us drinks. When we figured out what we had done we all had a good laugh about it.

After the rehearsal but before the dinner we were all having cocktails, cheese, and crackers. We got to talking about food allergies and I noted our honeymoon fiasco, then remembered that shrimp was on the menu *somewhere* that night. Against the husband's embarrassed protestations I caught the attention of a waiter and explained that no shrimp--none!--could touch the husband's plate and that none of the cookware could have had touched shrimp at all. Even though he had ordered the stuffed lobster, I thought there's always a chance something could go wrong. I said I had mentioned this on the reply card but for everyone's sake I wanted to let them know again and I hoped this wouldn't be a problem. The waiter, grateful to have heads-up on a potential crisis, thanked me and scooted off to the kitchen to tell the chef. Then we sat down to dinner. During the salad course, that same waiter came over to us and said, "I'm so glad you told me...because the stuffed lobster is stuffed with shrimp. We've saved one lobster that we can just boil and give to you, or would you rather have the beef or chicken?" The husband chose the boiled lobster, sans shrimp, and ate every last bite.

On the way home he admitted he was glad I had grabbed a waiter. I replied, "Yes, because then you would have had to send the lobster back and ask for something else and that's so embarrassing." He said, "No, honey, I would have eaten it without realizing it and would have stopped halfway through when I could no longer feel my tongue." Then off to the emergency care we would have gone.

Sometimes it's good to be over-cautious. And now I have a big morning of chores ahead of me before we leave here at two for one of the most beautiful weddings in history!!! I'll post pictures later.

Realization

2006-08-02T07:48:00.000-04:00

I realized today as I was driving to work that my new standard exercise has been whittled down to walking to/from the car and going up/down the two flights of stairs to my office. Not only that, but I have begun to snack on whatever sweet is available--cookies, snickers, kit kats, twix, what have you. No WONDER I'm not losing weight, even with eating salads!!!! D'oh! So, back to Fitday.com I go. The high temperature for today is 100 so I'm not certain I'll get exercise in, but at the very least I need to start watching what I eat.

No deep thoughts today. I've been sending up lots of prayers for friends lately. Yesterday was a pretty blech day and I'm hoping today will be better, but I'm pretty tired and I'm not sure I'll get enthused at any point. Oh well--it IS Wednesday.

Yet another storm

2006-07-28T21:35:00.000-04:00

And this time, it downed a tree and knocked the power lines down and I had to park in the neighbors' driveway because our whole half of the street was blocked by knee-level wires. I ducked under where it was five feet high to get in the house. The "guys," whoever they are, are working on it now. I heard chain saws about half an hour ago.

The dog was panicking during the enormous storm...and when I took him to the bedroom to snuggle and insulate ourselves from scary sounds, he quickly moved to this position:

He only poked his head to plead with me, "Make it stop!" The rest of the time, all I could see was a little black nose behind the bed skirt.

Job's still going great; I really enjoy it. Hubby comes back tomorrow--woohoo! I hate it when he's gone. I'll clean up tomorrow morning.

I've been watching My Big Fat Greek wedding and feel homesick for my own family. There won't be a big family event for awhile...well, my cousin's birthday is a shindig in September. He turns one. He's my first cousin once removed? Anyway, everybody's coming in town for that. If my mom goes I might ask if my parents would fly me to Cinci to go too. I hate being stuck away from everybody here in Boston.

Oops, hubby on the phone, gotta go.

My Boring Life

2006-07-25T19:13:00.000-04:00

So, I realized today that I don't have much of an interesting life. I don't even have groups on livejournal that I can join except for the clucky board, of which I'm already a member! The clucky board is for women who want kids but have to wait...boy, that's me. I daydream about having an accident, I really do. I would curse my bank account but I realize I have it better than some do, so I should let it be. But really, sometimes I wish I could be the irresponsible one for once!!! Who cares about dumb ole debt? Right? Not quite. Since the hubby is gone, I can't shoot for an accident, which is probably for the best.

The hubby is only having a medium-fun time with his troop at camp. Since he's the only DE there (and he's not actually taking time off work--he's answering phone calls and such the entire week), he doesn't have the luxury of letting "someone else" handle problems. For example, the section of camp they were in became overcrowded so he had to pack up his tent and move across camp. But, like he said, it's better that he have to do this kind of stuff than a volunteer.

Work was pretty bland today; I spent the whole day looking at Excel spreadsheets and I feel like a zombie now. I didn't sleep well last night so I'm pretty exhausted now. I rented the new Pride and Prejudice over the weekend and I'll pop it in soon and snuggle the dog. I put french onion soup into the oven and it's starting to smell lovely.

Last night our softball team won our game and then we went out for pizza. It was really good and was fun. Tomorrow I'm going downtown for makeup shopping with a friend from work. It is so hard to meet people in Boston and I'm glad I have a friend in my coworker. And it's turning out that we're not going to be "work friends" but "hang out and do stuff and have lunch" friends. I think I'm going to have better luck making friends in the "real world" than I did at Harvard. I mean there, I would try to make friends, only to quit once I realized that the other person was flying in from Planet Militant Marxism. I think in business there are more capitalists, which is a great start for a friendship!

Incidentally, while I have been productive since the hubby has been gone, I haven't been half as productive as I planned because I've agreed to after-work activities simply so I wouldn't have to go to an empty house. I suppose that is the way things go.

My dad's pretty sick again, and no, I don't really want to talk about it. I just thought I'd give the update.

Oh, Nancy French's book is now available for pre-order! I can't wait to read it. Check out her blog (link to the side) for an entry on it. Woohoo!

I hate being alone for a week. Perhaps my Jane Austen movie will make the melancholy less acute.

Photos of the Front Steps and a Sunday Update

2006-07-23T10:14:00.000-04:00

Well, it's Sunday, and I'm (gasp!) skipping church. The husband had to go to camp with his little troop so he was getting ready and leaving about the time church began. I didn't want to miss seeing him off.

I have been almost looking forward to his being gone--not because of *him*, but because there are all sorts of cleaning projects around the house I've been dying to do. This week I'll be so bored that I'll actually DO those projects! They're all fairly small but irritating--things like scrubbing the tub, hemming pants, tidying the laundry room, cleaning the kitchen table, organizing my clothes and putting the sweaters in the chest...very, very dull week ahead of me, but once it's over, it'll feel SO good!!! Last week we did a lot of work on the outside of the house and it made a huge difference. Here are the before and after pix:
BEFORE:

AFTER:

This week I want to do the inside, and since the hubby won't be around to distract me, I hope to get a lot done. I will miss him a lot though. I'm going to channel that energy into cleaning.

Yesterday we went to the Museum of Science downtown and had a good time. The OmniTheatre was showing a movie on ancient Greece and that was absolutely worth seeing! Hubby kept having to shut his eyes because of motion sickness but I thought it was great.

On the way home we were discussing how our lives have changed, and we realized that we've both had to streamline our lives significantly. This was not actually done from choice (at least originally)--we both tried to live more open lives with friends in and out all the time, but found that being young and married made us so different that that lifestyle wouldn't work. We simply don't fit in with the folks our age nor do we fit in with other marrieds (who are all older). So, our course of action has been to concentrate on our careers, our home, and our marriage while keeping in touch with true friends who live far away. On one hand, this disappoints me (not having loads of local friends to hang out with), but on the other hand, there have been unforeseen benefits. For example, we are pretty clear-headed about our long-term goals and we are intentional about our choices. Perhaps it's a toss-up. This entire conversation came about because I mentioned that I wished we were the type of couple who retired to the patio after a long day of work for a glass of wine with some friends. (Does any American really do that anyway? The Greeks in the movie made it look so easy...) I think in my imagination, getting a lot of these nagging chores done will make my return home after work more relaxing. When I don't have things hanging over my head, I feel so much more free. (Free to do what? Ummm, walk the dog? But that's not the point.)

One thing I'm becoming more and more clear-headed about is that I will likely apply to business school in a year. We've done a lot of thinking about how we want our lives to go--and what lifestyle we want to live--and it looks like I'll have a lot more freedom with an MBA than without one. Oh, and for those of you who are wondering "what happened to having a baby?," I'm going to be shamelessly honest and say we realized we can't afford it right now. With our student loans, every month I don't work we'd go in the hole at least 1k--not counting baby expenses. We have some savings but not that much. When the hubby said he was up for having a baby now, I thought he meant for me to stay home permanently, and he meant that I could stay home for the paid maternity leave and then go back to work. Well, we all know how expensive day care can be, and even if I did continue working, we'd likely be living paycheck to paycheck after baby and daycare expenses. By waiting a bit and getting some things paid off, we'll be in a much better place when we have a baby. This was not an easy or fun realization but I'm going with it for now.

In terms of the house, we have some upcoming large expenses we didn't expect, and we're a little frustrated about a few of them. However, they must be done, and we're grateful we both have steady work to pay for them.

Oh, goodness gracious, I JUST remembered that I have an important meeting today at 4:30. Good thing I didn't forget that!!!! Whew!

Well, I'd better throw on some work clothes and get a move on.

Friday Morning

2006-07-21T07:51:00.000-04:00

I've been told I need to update, but I don't have much to say. This week I've not been sleeping well and thus have been uncharacteristically tired every day. Last night I played in my company's softball game (a playoff game!) and we won by a run at the end. I am *terrible* at softball, so of course I embarrassed myself sufficiently during the course of the game. I also made a couple of good plays--as in two decent throws at important times--and my quick little legs got a run. I was on second and the batter got a ground hit, and as I was running to third base, the third base coach saw my speed and said, "If you hurry I think you can make it!" And I did make it by a good four feet. High fives all around!

Nothing much else is happening. I feel like I'm behind on absolutely everything, but I hope to fix that next week when the husband will be at camp. These are really boring things like hemming pants, taking suits to the cleaners, doing laundry...fun, I know.

Okay, we have an office-wide meeting in 8 minutes and I want to get a good seat. I wish Matt's girlfriend would bake cookies for him to bring again.

Saturday Morning

2006-07-15T09:51:00.000-04:00

Is there anything better than a reasonably-clean house and a newly-stocked fridge? Well, yes, I'm sure there are better things, but for the time being, I'm enjoying the feeling. It really reminds me how blessed we are; so many people don't have the option of going to the grocery and bringing home a wide array of nutritious foods. We have friends who just moved back to South Africa to do AIDs Christian ministry, and I know that many of the folks they minister to will not have a house and a stocked fridge like we get to enjoy today. Perhaps this is a small blessing in life--and you might think it's meaningless--but I am grateful for it.

Today I'm going to be doing yard work. My husband will be at the camp in NH for a meeting and will come back around 3. Then it'll be time for our friends' housewarming party--how exciting! This is probably the best friend I have in Boston, and a little over a year ago she met the man she is marrying in a few weeks and immediately fell madly in love. A week into it, she knew--and, given our history, I understood! I had the sorrow of watching her move to NH to be with him, but the joy of knowing how happy she was. I'm singing in their wedding, and I get to sing the song that was "our song" to which we danced our first dance as husband and wife.

I've been keeping up with dieting pretty well, and I feel better. Go me! Today's weeding should burn some calories. I'm going to take a before picture so that the after will look that much better. It's pretty awful right now, as you might guess. All this Boston rain has led to a jungle instead of a front porch. I'll fix that!

Well, time to surf others' blogs. Hope your Saturdays are great too!

Thanks, Renee

2006-07-13T10:11:00.000-04:00

Thanks for alerting me, Renee. I don't know what to do about the photo except acknowledge that some people are just jerks and use slander instead of discussion.
Let me know if you have other suggestions.

It's Been Awhile

2006-07-10T20:32:00.000-04:00

I've been told I need to update, and I agree that it has been awhile since I've written. Last week I was in Colorado on vacation, woohoo! I went hiking and fishing and even went skeet shooting. Nothing much happened while I was there; I got a sunburn on my knees and watched a great parade on July 4. Other than that...ate a lot of food, read books, relaxed...yep, that's about it.

And that brings me to this: today is the day of my new Get in Shape Girl program. I tried to begin before vacation but didn't keep it up during vacation so I'm trying again. I have joined the Presidential Fitness thing and I have to work out at least 30 minutes, 5 times a week for 6-8 weeks and I'll get a medal (probably an e-medal). Go me! I ran on the treadmill tonight, 2.2 miles, and did lots of situps, pushups, and leg lifts. It wasn't easy, and it wasn't pretty, but I feel good that I can still do it. I wonder how long it'll take me before I'm actually back in shape. I'm also setting a goal of eating salad every day this week for lunch. We don't own a scale so I'll just have to go on how my pants fit. Speaking of that, I need to hem a pair tonight to wear tomorrow.

It has just occured to me that this blog post is terribly uninteresting. Sorry.

I got a new computer at work. TWO monitors! Woohoo! I love it. Work was pretty slow today but eh, oh well. It was just slow beause I was waiting on other people.

I have been off coffee for nearly a month now, and every day is still a struggle. Will it ever get easier? I guess old habits are hard to break. I still love the smell of coffee in the mornings and every Starbucks I pass is a tempting stop-off.

Well, I'm off to hem my pants. Sorry this isn't more interesting; I'll write more stuff later.

Conclusion

2006-06-28T13:04:00.000-04:00

I have been chewing on the fight within the UMC for quite awhile. This fight has been going on for decades and at the heart of it lies the question, "Are we called to recognize and repent from sin or are we called not to judge?" As you might imagine, the two sides have two very different implications, and for a long time, the latter has been more persuasive to me because, well, it's sexier. When we're called not to judge, there is an implicit attitude that whether or not sin exists, we shouldn't judge it, shouldn't name it, and therefore shouldn't expect others to repent of it. This easily transitions from "others" to the self, and we cease to view Jesus as a salvific figure and instead choose to view him as that beer-run buddy who doesn't give two hoots what we did with whom last night.

But now...now I see that this is false, full of a fool's arrogance.

To recognize sin as given to us in Scripture is not to judge the person who commits the sin. Even Jesus commanded healed persons, "Go and sin no more." We are called to a sanctified, continually purified lifestyle, not one of degredation and moral relativity. Jesus is our friend, sure, but he's a real friend, not the beer-run buddy we imagine him to be. We reduce him to a gross misrepresentation of his true self when we assume he'd sit quietly in a group therapy session, affirming everyone. Jesus, instead, is the truth-teller, the one who sees through the lies and half-truths, the one who demands that we respect him enough to be honest with ourselves and accountable to God. We should appreciate this about him.

Perhaps this new understanding has been brought about by a recent friendship's end, a friendship in which I was expected to be supportive (but not too supportive, otherwise I was pressuring) and positive (unless the friend wanted me to agree with her negativity). I began to realize that there was no room for ME, no room for my opinions or attitudes toward life. I chose to end the friendship because continuing it was an exercise in futility, and perhaps it was then that I realized we often put Jesus in the same spot when we accept his Grace but not the responsibilities entailed, when we accept the offering of salvation without the necessary truth, when we force him to be what makes us feel good about ourselves.

We are unfair to him when we refuse to name and repent from our sins. We are dishonest with other Christians when we pretend to condone that which God has laid down as sinful. And, perhaps, we are simply lying to ourselves. Acknowledging truth that already exists is different from judging the entirety of a person--only God can do that. What we see in part, God sees in whole. But should we be unwilling to care for and correct the part because we do not see the whole? We do not hesistate to correct a child who is hurting another child simply because we are not the parent, and neither should we hesitate to rebuke sinful behaviour of another simply because we are not the heavenly parent. Only God can judge a person, but we can recognize and rebuke sin--in fact our repenting of sins and God's judgment are meant to go hand-in-hand. When we repent of our sins, God's judgment is mercy itself. When we insist we are free from sin, we through salt into Jesus' wounds and win no mercy from God.

Great Weekend

2006-06-26T19:54:00.000-04:00

Yep, that's right, my weekend was great. KC was sunny and had a light breeze--such perfect weather that every possible moment, I was sitting out on the back patio with a book, sunglasses, and whatever dog would come out with me. Love-ly! The Royals game went well and I "sang" beautifully (even though I recorded it over a week ago). Everyone thought it was great and told me so. It was quite a moment for the ego of a woman who "used to sing" but no longer does. I guess I still got it. It's a bit similar to the feeling of fitting into the pants you were CONVINCED you had grown out of, which I also did last week.

Speaking of fitting into pants, my husband and I have begun something of a get in shape program, though there's really no program and we're not working out at the same time. Nor do we weigh ourselves, take measurements, or set goals. It basically consists of committing to jogging on the treadmill at least four times a week and sticking to a more nutritious, healthy diet. I am in better shape than my husband and lately he has been really bothered by his weight gain since we met. I've been concerned about mine, too, but perhaps because women are supposed to have curves, I have been able to laugh mine off more. I wish I could figure out a way to support him without making him feel overweight, but so far it seems that just encouraging him without being pushy is going okay. I think when he starts making progress I'll be sure to notice, but until then, there's not much to say.

So, I just jogged/powerwalked two miles, took a shower, and now I'm making some plain pasta for dinner. We're out of pretty well everything grocery-wise, and we don't want to stock up too much because Friday night we're headed for a vacation in Colorado. We'll hike, fish, and generally stay outside and stay healthy as much as possible. We REALLY need a vacation!!!! Boy are we ever ready.

Guess that's all the news. I had some thoughts earlier but I've forgotten them. I think I'll grab my book to read during dinner, as hubby is out at a meeting until 9.

It's Official!

2006-06-22T20:05:00.000-04:00

Today I got the news that I've been hired on for good in the role I've been doing. Same pay, better hours, and I actually enjoy it! Amazing, really, how events unfolded. I'm quite pleased with it all. I have been getting to know my real boss this week (last week he was out of town and I was reporting directly to his supervisor) and he's great. I really like working with him. The official email to the office was sent out today and I got notes of congratulations from folks all over the country. Everyone seems pleased and so am I.

Speaking of being pleased, I think I must have the best husband in the world. He is so thoughtful and bought me a fancy pair of earrings for our anniversary! I've wanted earrings like this for a long time, and he spent the morning driving around, looking at them and choosing a pair. He bought the pair this afternoon and gave them to me when I got home. I am wearing them now and I'm SO pretty! I love them. Oh, and he made it a point to tell me all the ways in which I deserve such a beautiful, indulgent gift, pointing out all the things I've done well or been good at this last year. Now I feel guilty that all I did was take him out for Mexican food! :)

So, things are good, and tomorrow night we're flying to KC and I'm singing the national anthem on Saturday night at the Royals game. Yay! Right now I'm going to go pack.

Confession

2006-06-18T14:46:00.000-04:00

I have a confession.

I got to reading so much about the perils of pregnancy that I scared myself witless and began another round of birth control on Thursday. My husband feels very relaxed about it but agreed that if I were nervous, waiting a month wouldn't be much of a bother. Plus, we've agreed that we're going to read, "We're Pregnant," a book written during the duration of a pregnancy by a happily married couple. Perhaps we need a bit more time to think and talk about not just having a baby--which we know we could do--but the responsibility of raising a person. Eh, in any case, it's only a month. Also, we had done the math and found that we were not, in fact, going to be able to have me stay home for more than a few months. Frustrating! There are many options, however, and the one I like the most would be for me to go into business for myself. In my current position at work (web content specialist, a job that I'm finding to be super-fun), I write copy for the web and for other promotional material, do web layout, interview people, and more. It is so great, and it's something that I could do from home and simply contract out. A woman at work does that--in fact she contracts out part of her week to my company. She said it's a great job to do from home and referred me to the websites of some of her mentors--many of whom are mothers themselves. So I am taking the time to look at this and possibly drum up some business on the side--not for competitors, of course, but local churches or something. I also can do web design. As you can tell, there's a lot to think about. And to be honest, every month of work adds a considerable amount to the bank account, money that we're putting toward our most pressing loans. Every month that I work means two months longer that I could stay home with the baby without working. THAT is a real impetus.

So, now that I don't hate my job, I am indulging my inquisitive side and using the time to educate myself on exactly what I will be going through. My husband is doing so also. Plus, we're fixing up the house as quickly as possible (once I'm pregnant, I really shouldn't be around fumes). So...that's my confession.

As an aside, I really do enjoy this position at work, and I'm great at it so far. This week I get to learn Dreamweaver and I'm teaching myself html programming. After I master most of html (the basics), I'll begin css.

Today is our first anniversary--yay! We had soooo much fun yesterday. We went to the zoo downtown and they had Baby Day, where they had a bunch of activities for kids and all the baby animals on display. My favorite was the baby giraffe. Then we went to the mall and walked around, and after that we came back and made cheese fondue, drank a bottle of champagne, and watched the Pink Panther. And today we played bells in church and went out for nachos and margaritas. Now we're tidying the house and are going to put up our new kitchen fan (it's above 90 today!) because we don't have air conditioning and we have dinner guests coming over at six. We're feeling fat and happy, and ever so much in love. A year ago I would have told you I never could have loved my husband more than I did then, but I do. It is a real blessing in the changing sands of time to feel your infatuation and deep respect for a person grow. It's not just love, it's...intoxicating dedication. Is there anything better than coming home every night to the love of your life? I am so blessed.

Latest Fears

2006-06-11T11:14:00.000-04:00

So as I was waiting for my husband to come to bed last night, my latest fear hit me. I've been reading through my pregnancy book, confused about how exactly women SURVIVE this, and I realized that my biggest fear is that my marriage will take a turn for the worse once we add a child to the mix. How realistic is this? Is this a common fear? I don't mind some stress, but I do mind total annihilation.

On a more metaphysical note, I think I will try to track my feelings and thoughts during the pregnancy. Perhaps I can continue my senior thesis habit of writing devotionals throughout my pregnancy, and maybe something will come of it. I've picked out a journal online, though I realize I'll likely end up typing most of it.

Even more updates

2006-06-10T10:25:00.000-04:00

I really have had the strangest week. In terms of a job, I ended up staying at work Wednesday after my interview doing projects all day as a trial run. They were impressed with my work and I actually had FUN doing it! So then it turned out they wanted to keep me on as an employee, if anything just so that they wouldn't have to redo paperwork if they chose me for this position, so I got paid time off for Thursday and Friday. The latest update on the job front is that they want me to come in Monday, get to know the rest of the team better, and do more projects (as a paid employee). I figure hey, why not? It will give me time to see if I like it and it'll give them time to see if they like me as much as they think they do.

Graduation was pretty fun. We were in mud up to our ankles--typical Ivy League! Of course they hadn't much prepared for it and weren't apologetic about it. We sat in the rain for hours. My husband and I got our picture taken a bunch because, in an effort to be festive, we put "NEWLY" on his mortar board and "WEDS" on mine. Sitting together, our hats said NEWLYWEDS, and people thought we were a hoot. The University newspaper, the Div school paper, and others came and got our names and such. Fun! Then we had an incredible dinner at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse--yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I had filet mignon, a baked potato, calamari, bread, wine, creme brulee, and coffee. I thought I was going to pop a button off my pants by the end! We had a private dining room because there were so many of us and it was absolutely lovely. I don't think I've enjoyed myself that much in months.

Yesterday I met up with my husband's family and we went for a nice long lunch at Legal Seafood, then walked around Quincy Market, Faneuil Hall, back to the Commons, Prudential, and finally went to the Red Sox game at Fenway. It was great! My mom and brother met us for the Sox game so we had a big line of folks there. It only began raining at the very end--last inning and a half. I had bought a green Sox cap so the rain didn't bother me.

I have to say that it's still strange to have tourists running amok in "my" city--and it's also weird to know that this is now "my" city. I never expected to settle in Boston, but here we are, homeowners, and I think that means we can claim it.

I've been reading that book on pregnancy and I wonder, with all the symptoms that pregnant women have, will I be able to work during the pregnancy???

Update

2006-06-06T19:05:00.000-04:00

I feel I must go ahead and update you all and tell you about my day. It was a bit weird as days go. First off, when I arrived at work this morning, knowing I had NO phone calls and just a full day of training ahead of me, I had an overwhelming sense that it was wrong to know I didn't want to stay in this training program and not be honest with my supervisor. The thought of continuing to keep my big trap shut nearly made me sick to my stomach, so I quickly called my husband, cleared it with him, and then spoke with my supervisor in private. I told her I felt this wasn't working out, I didn't see myself going any farther in the training than my current spot, and I felt it was unethical not to tell her. I said it was a waste of her time as well as mine. I mentioned our family plans (within the next year) and pointed out how training is a majority of the first year so it would be a wasted investment on me and I felt that was unfair of me to do to them knowingly. She said she was very impressed that I told her so openly, over a week before our intended review. In general it was a very positive "first quitting" experience, I suppose, and she quickly recommended me for an open position in marketing--even went to every person who will decide on that position and talked to them about me. It was pretty clear that this was my decision to leave the program but not one with any bad blood behind it--it just wasn't a fit. She made it clear that she still felt I was bright, intelligent, a quick study, a hard worker, and a pleasure to work with. Then I went ahead and did training all day, as I had two segments to present myself, and at the end of today I got to leave AT 6!!!! Not 7, but 6!! Woohoo! It was great. And I already have three consecutive interviews set up for the marketing position, which is basically doing the web content, email marketing, etc tomorrow morning. I had a preliminary interview today at lunch. I have absolutely NO idea what will happen with that but I've decided I'm going to roll with it. There are perks to staying there (I already know and generally like everyone, no new paperwork, no more interviewing), but there are also downsides (moving closer downtown in a few months with 300/month parking, far enough away already, etc). So, ehhhhh. I don't know.

So that is where I am. Odd switch, isn't it? But I feel SO relieved. I can't even explain what a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I'm a terrible liar and I know it--and I was lying by pretending I was into the program when I wasn't. And now I can concentrate on preparing to make a baby (woohoo!), find a job that is less strenuous, and can, for once, indulge myself a bit.

I feel good.

Fertility

2006-06-04T21:46:00.000-04:00

Friday brought about a realisation that had been a long time coming. I've wanted to have a baby for the last...two years? This past year the desire to have children has been especially strong, and I've been putting it off and putting it off for one reason or another. Well, now we are to the point where we could swing a baby, and I haven't been able to concentrate on my job because of it. (Subtext here: job isn't fun, is 60 hours a week of telemarketing, definitely not what I thought it would be, and I don't see myself being happy in it at all, either now or long-term.) While crying on the way home on the cell phone to my husband on Friday (tears + cell phone + driving = stupid, but I did it anyway), the truth came out: I've waited so long already, and I don't believe I'll be happy until I go ahead and move into the next phase of my life, which I am sure is having a child. I want and nearly need to be a stay at home mom. I've been having baby dreams constantly these last few years, feel a surge of anger at Aunt Flo every month, and during the day at work I daydream about being able to stay home and do what*I* want to do, which is be a stay at home mom. It seems like every one of my senses these last two years has been focused on moving into motherhood--I wonder, is it hormones or God's way of nudging me to move into where I need to be. Perhaps it is both? Am I failing my Vandy-Harvard pedigree by wanting to spend the next few years creating a family? (Oh, heavens to Betsy, an Ivy league woman sees the value of children and family! Where is her au pair??) I feel like there's all the time in the world for a career down the line, but this is where I feel I need to go now. Also, I have always known what matters to me most is family, and I'm kidding myself if I declare that I am a career woman first and foremost. I'm not. I'm a girl from a big family who wants a big family of her own, and I'm darned sick and tired of putting it off.

So, we talked it out, and my husband is ready. Financially we can swing it and we've decided to give it a go. I finish this round of birth control within the next few days and I'm not beginning a new one. I've also begun reading The Mother of All Baby Books by Ann Douglas, recommended to me by a friend with four children, and it's great! I especially like the beginning of it where she discusses the impossibility of having a "right time" to have children. She interviewed many women to write this book and includes a lot of their experiences. The jist of it is: there is no good time. If you can make ends meet month to month and you have a healthy marriage, those are all the necessary factors. Well, we are. We're healthy, incredibly happy in our marriage, emotionally grounded, financially stable, and we've wanted a baby for a long time. We kept waiting until it was "time," but it seems like now it's time.

The funny part is the discussion we had after my Friday tearful rant. Saturday morning, having thought through it for awhile, I announced to my husband, "I want to have a baby." He said, "Oh?...okay."
"No, honey, I mean that's what I want to DO."
"I said okay."
"I mean that is what I want to do with my life NOW."
"Right."
"I want to start trying to conceive NOW. I want to be a stay at home mom as soon as possible."
"I said I agree! Geesh. When do finish up this round of birth control?"
"Thursday."
"Then that is when we will begin trying."
(pause)
"...Umm, aren't you going to argue? See I had all these reasons..."
(rolling his eyes) "Were you ready to cry?"
(pause) "...yes."

Now I'm preparing to go for another three days at my ridiculously stressful job, but I hope I'll handle it better now that I know it's not permanent. Thursday and Friday we have off for graduation. I don't know what we'll do if I don't want to stick with this job, or if morning sickness precludes me--I'll probably find work elsewhere for the time being and then will stop working around 5-6 months to prepare for the baby. Who knows?

Oh, and though only two of my readers know my parents, I just want to add the tag that this is not public knowledge in the folks-who-know-me-way. We do not want to disappoint everyone if we don't get preggers right off, so please keep the fact that we are trying mum. (Okay, Gracie and Kat, you also probably realize that we don't want to hear what my MIL has to say about it. This news will go down better once it's reality. My parents have known for a long time that I want a baby asap, so there's no shock there, but if they know, we have to tell my in-laws, and that will not be fun.)

Ah, baby fever! While I'm here, I'll type up a song I like to sing to myself. This is to the tune of Thriller:
I've got the baby FE-VER! FE-VER NOW!
My hormones' goin' crazy and my body wants a baby
Baby FE-VER! Fe-ver now
My womb is going wild and my body wants a child--tonight!

Yes, clearly I have baby fever. I made that up months ago but I still like to get down to it doing dishes.

So that's my news. And I feel so incredibly impatient on so many levels. I feel like for ONCE, I want to put my needs first and follow what my heart has been telling me these past two years. I'm the girl who always does the right, responsible, socially-acceptable thing, and in my social circles, folks don't get pregnant until they're at least 30. Well, I don't want to wait, and I don't see much sense in it either. Perhaps I am being selfish in this regard, but we want four children and I don't want to give birth into my forties. I am nearly always a girl who tests the water with each toe before sloooooooowly getting in, but in all the best decisions of my life, I've simply followed my heart and jumped. I do believe this is one of them.

If anybody reading this blog has recommendations for reading material, please feel free to post. Otherwise, send up some fertility prayers while you're praying tonight.

All right, all right

2006-05-29T09:15:00.000-04:00

It has been awhile since I posted! But it's a lovely Memorial Day morning, the sun is out, and I'm up with my dog while my husband is still asleep. No better time than now to blog!

Things overall have been a bit stressful. My job is very demanding but I'm acclimating pretty well, so that's good. I got to see the new office on Friday and it is swaaaaaaaaanky! We're moving the office in September. The office itself inspired me to be a more professional, successful worker. It's very posh and I want to earn the right to be there--and by that I mean I want to be successful at my training program so that when I move to the new office it'll nearly be time for a promotion.

My husband is okay. As I mentioned earlier, his car got broken into, so he has been a bit frustrated. We're both feeling some kind of throat problem and I don't know what it is. It must be tied to sinus drainage so I took a Sudafed when I awoke. On Saturday we did gobs of work around the house and yesterday we went deep sea fishing with some friends so today we have *some* chores but not a full day's worth. I am toying with the idea of going to the fabric store to purchase some fabric to make a drape for the second bedroom's closet door. There is already a dowel rod in place. My alternative option is to do yard work, which could also be therapeutic. We need to paint and such inside but I don't know when we'll get to it. I have to admit that on a cloudy, cool, rainless day my first move is to go outside. I'm also reading Elizabeth Peters' Serpent on the Crown (started it last night) and it's fun. I so rarely get to read fiction that this feels like a real treat. I also feel I should run today--I dreamed last night that an old friend said I was on the verge of being overweight. Whether this is true or it's just my subconscious mind, it still shows that I'm concerned about my health. However, if this throat thing doesn't subside, I'll rest. I don't have enough time to eat at work and I definitely haven't been overeating. Usually the stress alone keeps me from eating much all day.

We have finished our coursework and turned everything in. It feels so strange not to have homework to do every evening! I can't believe I finished on time. No, really, I'm not just saying that. I'm still scratching my head about how exactly it happened!!

I think it's time to pour myself some Cheerios (breakfast of choice when I will be home most of the day and don't have to worry about going 6 hours between meals) and continue on with Mrs. Amelia Peabody and her crazy Egyptian adventures...but since the chimney guy is coming again, perhaps I should change into presentable clothing first!

Update

2006-05-27T10:24:00.000-04:00

My husband's car was broken into last night at the movies. His stereo, palm pilot with GPS, separate GPS, and all relevant chargers were stolen. So, I came home and logged on to livejournal to see that a friend's cousin found one of her babies dead of SIDs.

Puts it in perspective, right? We've got our health, our dog, and our jobs. Gadgets can be replaced.

More Photos

2006-05-15T21:57:00.000-04:00

Anybody out there surprised? This is my neighborhood! These are my neighbors! (and note that this is my hill, on which my house sits, high above the water...how privileged we are!!!)

Okay, for references, those houses are NOT supposed to be in the lake. And in this latter photo, that USED to be a road intersecting with our road at the bottom of the hill (on the opposite side from the lake). So if we look to our left from our house, we see houses in the lake, and if we look to our right, we see a lake where a road used to be.

The Flooding

2006-05-14T19:29:00.000-04:00

This is a house at the end of our street. It normally is NEAR the pond but not IN the pond. Flooding, anyone?

Saturday Update

2006-05-13T09:32:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting down with my java on this rainy Saturday morning and it's time to update. Our modest little abode has turned into a New England wilderness with all the rain. If you ever watched the latest version of Little Women, you have seen the green summer foliage of New England. The rain hasn't stopped since Tuesday. When will it end? I'm ready!

Viola, you are too sweet! No, I didn't study music in college, but I've always been a singy girl. I did musical theatre for years but my love of dance probably trumped my singing. I'm so glad you like my music!

I began my new job Wednesday and, well, it's odd. I like everyone and I think I'll like the job, but my boss is out of town and the girl who was supposed to train me on quite a bit of stuff has also been out sick, so we've been winging it. I have been reading everything I can, contacting people about meeting with me, etc. There is a list of "down time" activities for me to have done by next Friday and I'm almost finished with it already. There is another trainee going through this with me but he was a temp for the company the last three weeks and he seems to feel that training is beneath him. He continually interrupts those who present information to us, brags constantly, loves to hear himself talk, refuses to do the homework assigned to us, etc. It's awkward for me because 1) the answers to his questions are in the manual that we are supposed to have read (and I read it), and 2) I am not interested in listening to him brag. That being said, this program is pretty competitive, and he's making SURE to point out how great he is in every instance--particularly whenever he can also work in how "new" and "inexperienced" I am. I can't let that happen, but I don't exactly know what to do about it. He stays late every evening (though I don't see that he's actually that productive) so I've been arriving early. I want to look like the most professional, competant woman I can be, but I tend to veer on the side of letting my work speak for itself. My colleague, conversely, brags at the drop of a hat. If anyone has any suggestions, let me know.

Last night was pretty interesting. Let me give you some background. I had to skip my husband's annual work dinner to go out for drinks with "Ed," a consultant of some sort who comes to improve the ability of salesmen to sell. I'll get to work with him in probably six months, but not yet. The entire sales and marketing team was expected to go--particularly sales. I was told by my boss via email that this guy pretty much picks who gets promoted, fired, etc. I also got the strong impression from my colleagues that this guy was a heavy drinker and heavy partier...greaaaaaaaat, right? I had met him a couple of times, but of course couldn't get a word in edgewise due to my colleague's shameless self-promotion, and when Ed noticed me, he admonished the rest of my colleagues and told them, "Don't hide this little light under a bushel!" He was very kind and remembered my name, and I saw him in passing a few times over the next few days.

Skip to last night at the bar. I showed up and got a glass of wine and began chatting with my colleagues--many of whom I hardly knew. That was fun because they're all terribly interesting and witty. After awhile, Ed worked his way over, and he was wearing a flannel shirt. Flannel! Everyone else was in fancy suits and he was wearing a lumberjack shirt! For whatever reason, I forgot about impressing him because he was just a regular flannel shirted guy, just like my husband. We had a great conversation and after he left, the other person I was talking with turned to me and told me exactly how important Ed was in the company. Ed gets upwards of 50k a WEEK for consulting! (Of course this is rumor, so it probably isn't even close to that, but still, he's very, very important to our promotion.) Ed also does NOT take well to anyone who is nervous or a butt kisser. Okay, so at this point in the evening I wondered if I blew it, but Ed kept working his way back to my table and my conversation all evening. I honestly really liked him. He's not much of a drinker, has been married to his wife nearly 40 years, and is full of lively conversation. He's also a Scorpio like I am. We hit it off well, I think, and other people told me later how impressed he seemed to be with me. He winked at me a few times in a conspiratorial, non-sexual way and I got the strong impression that he enjoyed my company. He'll be at the office until Friday so perhaps I'll get a chance to say hello before he leaves town. I also spent an hour or so talking with my boss's boss's boss, and he was a hoot also. We got to talking about bear hunting and speeding and Maine and I laughed myself silly. I told him my embarrassing lobster story too. So I am *guessing* I did well, but since that was my first outing, I don't know how it was supposed to go.

Today I have to write a paper. Before I do that (but after I finish this coffee) the dog is going to get a bath. He has the strong smell of Wet Dog and it'll subside somewhat with a good shampoo. My husband is working until about two today. I plan also to get some housework done so that when my husband gets home we can concentrate on our homework.

My First Day of Work in My First Real Job in My First Real Suit with the Same Old Lunchbox

2006-05-09T17:13:00.000-04:00

I worked out this morning--2 miles of running and 1 mile of powerwalking--in an effort to curb my nervousness about my first day of work tomorrow. TO NO AVAIL! It hit me as I was sitting here, calmly working on a paper about Martin Luther King, Gandhi, and Nhat Hanh and their understandings of suffering as redemptive, and I realized I hadn't yet finished reading the binders of information for work I was given to have read by tomorrow. Where did the time go? I don't see it anywhere! Somehow all this has snuck up on me! So now I'm plowing through my binders of info and my half-glass of red wine isn't helping me relax...baaaaaaaah!

I'm nervous about working--more nervous than my wedding day or when we bought the house (or car, or dog). I'm not sure what exactly makes me anxious. I fully intend to do a great job and knock their socks off, but for some reason, just the fact that it'll be my first day makes me anxious. I suppose this is just the jitters of "How is it going to be? Will I really like it like I think I will? Where will my cubicle be? Will I break the coffee machine? Will I spill things on myself in front of management? Will I forget everyone's name? Will people be staring at my butt and pointing because it is so big that I look like a hippo?" I feel like it's my first day of junior high and I don't know ANYone in the school. I feel quite sure that nothing monstrously bad will happen--in fact I have already met and like many of my new colleagues and I know beyond reasonable doubt that my butt is not the size of a hippo's derriere. If my hair looks stupid I'll just tie it back, and if I spill something on myself...well, I'll just wear the stain for the rest of the day. I've done it before. So, really, I shouldn't be anxious. It'll be fine and I'm sure I'll come home tomorrow feeling like my day was rather boring. And then I'll call my family and friends and be completely blase about the whole thing: "Oh, yeah, I started work this week. No, it was totally tame but I expected that...wasn't the least bit worried at all..."

Shouldn't they have a magazine article devoted to this? "My first day of work in my first real job in my first real suit with the same old lunchbox."

Update

2006-05-08T12:06:00.000-04:00

Well, I feel like I should update my blog, but I can't say that I have much news. I've been working out. On Friday I ran 2 miles and powerwalked 1, on Saturday I ran 1.5 miles and powerwalked 2 miles, and yesterday I walked somewhere over 1.5 miles with my husband. I am trying to decide if I want to jog today or this evening (or not at all). Hmmmmm.

On Friday I went to a gathering in Rhode Island by the ocean for my husband's work, and Saturday we went to a baby shower. Oh, the envy! However, I know we'll have a baby when it's time, and in the meantime I am excited about being able to improve our standard of living. I have new suits to wear and I'm ultra-excited about my new job! My personal grooming has got to improve, however. I wear my hair in a ponytail every day even though I have an adorable little haircut simply because I don't know how to do it and am too lazy to try. I need to do a pedicure and put polish on my nails. Also, Physicians has started a new mineral line of foundations, powders, and other makeup. There is a rebate online for the full value (minus tax) of the mineral liquid foundation, so I may give it a shot. Mineral makeup is supposed to be good for your skin, and I would love to have improved skin. I am only semi-pleased with my current foundation. Physicians also has a new powder foundation much like Bare Escentuals except it's 1/6th the cost--ten dollars for the brush and foundation! Woohoo! So I'm going to go to Brook's today and see what's there.

How's this for an uninteresting update? :) I have LOTS of work to do on my final papers, so that is what I'll be doing for the majority of my day. My husband is defending his thesis now. I hope it goes well. He should be back around three.

The verdict is still out on when I'll exercise...I'll either do it tonight or not at all.

Last Couple of Days and Random Thoughts

2006-05-05T09:18:00.000-04:00

The last couple of days have been great! On Wednesday I arrived to my last day of work at the library and brought chocolate bars for my supervisors and one big bar to share with the rest of the staff. I had worked there nearly three years and enjoyed everyone, so I felt sad about leaving. Turns out they were sad also! They had planned a surprise party for me with cake, flowers, presents and the whole library staff came! It was fun and flattering and I'm so grateful for them. It was a great last day of work.

Last night I went to meet some of my new work colleagues at a BBQ. They were all fun, friendly, well-spoken, and surprisingly good-looking. Everyone was incredibly intelligent and I think I'll enjoy working there. But that and hearing stories of others' exercise has induced me to hop on the treadmill. I'm about to finish my java and then I'll put on a movie and jog. I think that having a goal of some sort would help me--perhaps a distance goal, frequency goal, something. I don't own a scale so it can't be a weight goal.

The dog hasn't been coming back when called lately so we're going to try to put in a fence this weekend if it doesn't rain. We got an estimate and it's going to be expensive to have it done--about 2k--and to do it ourselves will top out at 500 dollars. Huge difference. This, of course, puts us in the position of doing a home improvement project that we have no idea how to do, but my husband is determined to do it ourselves.

I still love the car. I think I've named him Zippy, because he's got a lot of get-up-and-go and I bought him in a rush.

I read an article today about women's dress sizes having gone down. A woman who wore a size eight in the 1960s now wears a zero or two. Crazy, isn't it? Women are getting bigger and more and more companies are catering to women's vanity. Overweight women wear sixes and eights. Oh wait, *I* wear a six sometimes. This does not bode well for my believing I still fit in a size four--technically I do, but it's only because sizes have changed along with my rear. The number on the tag no longer reflects how cute a rear is. I can't delude myself any longer. Maybe that's a blessing in disguise.

This past weekend I went to a wedding shower and bachelorette dinner, and it was so strange to see the bride's old friends and new friends. Her old friends were the gorgeous, popular girls from Anytown High School, and I felt like I was looking at "Mean Girls: Ten Years Later." They were nice enough but rather cold, and all at the same time I couldn't help admiring how incredibly beautiful they were. The shortest one was a solid six inches taller than I am, so I can't help that, but it made me realize that I do have the choice how much to take care of my hair, skin, nails, and body. My husband and I were talking about it and I realized that my envy of them had little to do with them and everything to do with how I feel about myself. While I don't want to turn into them (with monthly hundred-dollar salon haircuts), I think my uncharacteristic envy of them was derived from how I've let myself go in graduate school. I've maybe gained ten pounds but more than that, I've just quit taking care of myself. So, the obvious solution is to begin anew, and I intend to do that. Just as a frame of reference, here's a photo of me in college on the pom squad and the second photo is from my honeymoon, two years later.
Yep, it's time to begin again.

I Am a Celebrity Look-Alike

2006-05-03T16:24:00.000-04:00

From a friend's blog I discovered http://www.myheritage.com, a site that allows you to upload a photo of yourself to see which celebrities you look like. I generically looked like multiple celebrities (as in we all have eyes, ears, noses, and mouths), but I am strikingly similar to Holly Marie Combs. Check it out:

Told the Husband

2006-05-02T20:14:00.000-04:00

and he loves the car! He was really pleased about the whole thing--most of all the fact that I enjoy driving it so much. He liked the price, liked the specs, and was grateful I did it while he was gone. He drove it today and said honestly, he didn't much care for the feel of it, but that is because he loves big barrelling trucks and SUVs that make you feel like a piece of popcorn (bounce! bounce! bounce!). My car is smooth and the brakes are feather-sensitive, and he said that while he thought it was a perfect fit for me, he would have chosen a pickup truck. I replied that I was glad I bought it while he was gone!!! Really, though, he's completely supportive and is very, very happy about my choice of car. Also, he said he's glad that I am able to make big decisions without him. My mother has somewhat of a complex about not being able to make big decisions AT ALL (my dad must make them all), and he was pleased I am not showing evidence of having that trait. I research it, I test drive, I know my price, and I buy it at my price. I am exactly like my dad in that respect. I do not want to agonize, and I don't doubt my decision. Neither does my husband. I wasn't worried about his reaction but it's nice to know that I really *do* know my husband as well as I thought I did.

Now I'm sitting here drinking a glass of sauvignon blanc, having finished my salmon and rice. I did a good job on dinner! I've made this particular meal before with supervision, so I guessed I'd do a decent job. I'm watching American Idol and I'm more and more impressed with Chris. I didn't like him at first because, ick ick ick, he has facial hair. I think facial hair looks exactly like the OTHER hair you cover with your underpants. But I suppose I must acknowledge he has talent, even if I wouldn't kiss him. Taylor, who also hasn't impressed me up until now, got funky! What a hoot he is!!!! I like him now as well. I am a sucker for old-timey funk.

I start my new job next week, so I've been working on my final papers today. I am getting more and more excited about my new job--what opportunities abound! I'll work my butt off but there's nothing bad about that. I'll get better, move up, and maybe one day I'll wake up and my butt will actually be smaller. I've been reading some motivational business books and I'm getting pumped.

My husband will be home in half an hour or so, and I'm already excited. Is it normal to be in love with your husband even with all the stress in life? The book I've been reading says if you pour yourself into something and put it high in importance in your life, you will continually find new things that fascinate you and rejuvinate you about it. I think I must feel that way about my marriage. I am still madly in love with my husband, and I feel like I'm waiting for a date to pick me up when I watch the clock to see when he will come home. I'm giddy! This must be one of the best blessings in life ever given, and I'm so grateful God gave it to me.

The dog says he's a blessing, and he has some holy water to bestow upon the holy grass. I must take him out.

Scratch All That

2006-04-30T08:11:00.000-04:00

I bought a car yesterday. I bought a Mazda 3 with the safety package and other amenities. I bought it off the lot and got very fair deal--not a total steal like my dad prides himself on getting, but a good one--below MSRP. Our payments will be very reasonable per my credit and overall I feel really good about it. Actually I have been rolling my eyes ever since this car fiasco began. Tell me if you see a pattern in how long it takes me to choose things:

Spouse: 3 days

House: 2 days

Dog: Received from Puerto Rico after having seen one photograph

Car: 2 hours

The GOOD part about this is I almost always make great decisions on the fly--it's when I think about them too much that I make bad ones. I showed up to look at the Focus and the Mazda 3, as they are fairly comparable in base price, and drove the Mazda 3 (having driven the Focus for a week before). HUGE DIFFERENCE IN QUALITY. I could feel it when I was driving it. The salesman said that the Mazda 3 is made on the same frame as a Volvo, and that is why it drives like a better car. It sits very differently than the Focus. It responds better, is MUCH quieter, glides over the road like butter on a hot knife, and in my opinion it also looks better. It has a five-star safety rating that my salesman said has helped his customers get breaks on insurance, but I'll reserve judgment on that until I get the insurance bill.

I bought this car alone, but I didn't feel panicky about what my husband would say. He is away for work again. We've had many conversations, but here's the jist of what we discussed:

1) No sense in getting a fancy over-30k car because it will take a beating on the Boston roads and I will want to wash the salt off EVERY DAY in a panic

2) No sense in getting an absolute crap car that won't last more than 7 years, so we wanted quality without paying through the nose for a Volvo or Audi or something

3) His jeep will poop out within five years (it's a 96), so we wanted to get a car for me that would LAST awhile so as to stagger choosing autos

4) I will need something semi-businesslike, which we were debating on the Focus (is it "nice" enough looking? doubtful--for now would be fine but after six years it wouldn't say "business executive-in-training" well.)

and, finally, here is what he said:

5) "This is YOUR car, honey. Get something YOU like to drive. We can afford the payments (within reason)."

So, my Mazda 3 was about 2k more than we would have spent on a Focus. I don't feel guilty about that, even though I otherwise would, because the feel of the car is absolutely superior, the safety is superior, and the resale value of Mazda 3s is considerably higher than a Ford Focus. Also, I generally just don't feel a sense of regret. I always do when I've screwed up, but I don't feel it.

The dealership is very, very convenient to my house--about 15 minutes of "main street" driving rather than highway. Tomorrow morning I have to go get my plates off my Chevy and take them to the dealership, then the salesman is going to follow me home, bring me back to the dealership, and give me a "loaner car" until I come back to pick up my tagged, inspected, washed, shined, and fully insured car (he's handling all of the phone calls and preparation on that). I realize I'm probably paying for all that through the price of the car, but ahhhhhhhhh it's lovely. I'll pick the car up around 4 because I am to pick up my husband at 5 in Milton.

In general, this dealership is similar to many because any time I have work done on my car (free, of course), I get a loaner car for the day if the work will take 4 hours or more. This will likely be negotiable if I *cannot* miss work and the tune up will take a couple of hours--I could always bring the loaner car back and pick up my car at lunch if I brought it in before work. (I'm told they give preferential treatment for loyal, local customers.) Also, they open at 7 for those of us who have to hurry to work and they provide breakfast, internet, phone, etc. They are also open Saturdays. They have roadside assistance anywhere in the country, 24/7 for free and a whole bunch of other perks. I'll tell you what, I am hoping this dealership seems to be as honest as it seemed yesterday because it would be SO nice to be able to trust a dealership to take care of my car. The salesman yesterday seemed honest--told me the specs, offered to show me other cars, even cheaper ones, and said, "I get a flat rate commission, so I don't want to tell you what car you should like--you will like what you will like, and I'm just here to help you test drive and tell you about the cars." I had assumed I'd get a salesman pushing me toward the more expensive cars, but nope. He didn't even show me the fancy car I ended up buying until I said I wanted side air bags, and then I got to test drive THAT one too. My car-buying experience was totally up to me, and he more facilitated than anything. I felt pretty solid about my decision, even though I've never bought a car before and my husband was out of town. I made the best decisions I could, and my husband trusts me. Frankly, in almost every financial situation, we agree, so I'm not worried. He's much more willing to spend money on cars than I am, so I think he'll be excited about a non-Focus.

As an aside, this car has the antenna right in the middle of it. Very symmetrical. I LOVE that.

Now I just have to figure out a way to tell my husband. "Honey, you know how you told me to get what I wanted?...welllllll..."

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (backwards)

2006-04-29T10:03:00.000-04:00

The Ugly News: The Chevy is completely shot. No chance of fixing it and we're just hoping we don't have to pay to tow it to the junkyard.

The Bad News: I need a car within the week, and Massachusetts laws are awful. I have to get plates, proof of insurance, EVERYTHING, before I can drive a car off the lot. Before I get that done I have to choose the car to switch plates and procure insurance. It's a mess.

The Good News: A good girlfriend of mine is marrying a banker who, up until a couple of months ago, was the director of banking for Eastern MA and Southern NH for car dealership sales. He sold car bonds to the dealerships, basically, which means he knows everyone in town. He just offered to take me around to "his" dealerships--the ones he trusts--and will help me negotiate price and such. He said he will help me get something at or slightly above wholesale as well as getting me a competitive financing rate. This is great because I've been worried about getting screwed. I think, quite honestly, that he's taking pity on us. We've never bought a new car before and we're ripe for a big fat ripoff. Also, I'm singing in their wedding in August.

The Even Better News: If I buy in Nashua near him, I think I get to skip the MA laws about procuring insurance BEFORE driving off the lot. Woohoo!

Darn Car

2006-04-28T16:07:00.000-04:00

The car needs a new cylindar head, a new gasket, and some new other stuff. It'll cost 2100 dollars to fix. The car is worth 2000 at best. CRAP. CRAP CRAP CRAP.

I could cry but I won't. Interest rates are pretty high right now. I wonder, should I ask my dad for a loan at a lower rate than 9 percent??

Finished My Oral Examinations

2006-04-28T14:57:00.000-04:00

And got an A! At the end, after giving me my grade, my advisors asked me when I plan to send this off to press. They have already made contacts at Abingdon Press for me.

I am so sleepy now! I know I have papers to write left but I just feel like goofing off today.

Good Thing I Got My Teeth Cleaned

2006-04-28T07:44:00.000-04:00

because today is my oral examination. Well, on my thesis, but I'm hoping my bright-white smile will help me pass.

I'm up early drinking my new french vanilla blend coffee (que delicioso!) and browsing through blogs. Last night I had an absolute blast at my husband's district dinner. We were at the Winchester Country Club, which is unbelievably beautiful in every way, including the neighborhood. We got there early because he had to help set up, so I struck up a conversation with another non-setter-upper who had arrived early. His name was John, and we had a lot to talk about. In fact, we talked the whole evening, even sat together at dinner (his wife was home with the kids and my husband was running around constantly, so it worked out). About partway through the dinner, after having gushed over how much I liked the club, I said, "Have you ever been here before?" He looked at me strangely and said, "Umm...yes. This is my club. I am here because I am sponsoring this dinner." OOPS! He's also on the board of the local hospital, has a big boat that he invited us out on about ten times, and in addition to being an estate lawyer has multiple side businesses--including sponsoring inventions. He was so incredibly interesting and I can't wait to go out on the boat with him, his wife (if she'll go, he says she hates the boat but might go if I go), and his three boys, the youngest of which is two. After the dinner, I told my husband all that happened, and he began to laugh. Apparently I have an uncanny knack for talking to really, really important people and not having a clue who they are! Believe me, this happens a lot.

Also, I had quite a blessing the other day. Let me copy from an email to my dad:

Just thought you would enjoy the fact that the tow truck guy who came was a crotchety old guy who for some reason took an interest in my plight. He asked how long we had lived there (we’re obviously new), what was wrong with the car, when it happened, what did it sound like, etc. He was a mechanic also. He said another dealership was much better and closer and charged me nine dollars for the tow. He said he’d mention all that I told him about what went wrong to the mechanic and make sure they called me. He also told me it shouldn’t be more than 150 to fix unless something’s really awful. Then he shooed me away and told me he would “take care of everything” and fifteen minutes later I peeked out the window and he had gotten his flashlight out and was looking around in the engine! He did a few test tries turning on the car and seemed to make SURE he knew what was wrong. Then he towed it. I think he wants to make sure we don’t get taken for a ride by the dealer.

It is amazing how nice people are when they figure out that we are just starting out in life.

As you might be able to tell, we now are only driving one car, as my junky Chevy is at the shop. I honestly don't know if 1) it's fixable, and 2) it's fixable on our budget. I'm going to call again to see. Some have quoted me 150, some have said upwards of 1500. We are looking into other options, such as purchasing a used vehicle (high interest rate, but lower written price, questionable history, doesn't lose value terribly quickly) or a new vehicle (low interest rate by about 6%, but higher written price, known perfect history, loses some value when you drive it off the lot.) I don't know what to do. We are praying my Chevy makes it to the end of the summer because we might get better deals on a car then. It might not. I wanted to be able to drive this car into the ground before I got a new one, but everyone who has looked under the hood has said, "Well, (snicker), this car is definitely in the ground, if that's where you wanted it." Excuse me, Mr. Mechanic, I would prefer that this occur later. Tell me it'll be cheap to fix. Tell me it'll go another 50,000 miles. Oh, you think it won't drive another ten miles? I'll have to seek out a seventh opinion here. Please call my tow truck guy again.

Of course this is all happening right after we plunked down most of our liquid cash to pay closing costs on this house. I would not in any way shape or form claim that we're poor, but this particular month has me concerned. By the end of May I'll have a paycheck, but just at the moment I don't. Luckily we make sure to keep enough savings to fall back on for a few months, so if we have to make a couple of car payments from it, it'll be all right. Thank goodness for Midwestern fiscal values, right? So, self, do not worry about what you will wear, or what you will drive. Consider the lillies. Do not they all have reliable transportation?

In any case, whether we purchase a used car or new one, I don't have the first clue what to buy. I want a four-door smaller sedan, and I don't like the bubble look of a Ford Taurus (doesn't it look like a humpback?). The car I really love is a Jetta, but this might be a bit pricey if bought new. Does anyone have any suggestions of good, safe, smaller sedans that don't cost an arm and a leg? Also, it needs to be all-wheel-drive or 4WD if possible, the hill we live on is a ***** in winter ice.

The Politically Incorrect Guide

2006-04-26T09:45:00.000-04:00

As of last night I've been reading The Politically Incorrect Guide to Women, Sex, and Feminism, by Carrie Lukas. It's an excellent read so far, particularly for me. Until last year I had every intention of going into academia as a professor of feminist and religious studies, but my feminism is akin to that of Elizabeth Cady Stanton rather than Gloria Steinem. I came to realize through my six years of study that there was no room for "old-school" feminists, particularly Christian or Republican ones. The form of feminism that is dominant in academic circles and our society in general is an anti-establishment, anti-monogamy, leftist political group. Many of my opinions were considered taboo in my feminist classes, such as, "If you're not ready for a baby, you're not ready for sex." My personal practices were and are pretty conservative, and this coupled with my belief in capitalism pretty well threw me out of feminist academia. When I read Christina Hoff-Summer's Who Stole Feminism, a lightbulb went off in my brain, but she didn't deal with the practical side of what young women are being taught by feminist-influenced education, literature (Cosmo, for example), and college campus cultures. Free love means unpaid sex for men, and we're the suppliers (or else we're prude). Carrie Lukas goes into the messages thrown at young women, without sounding overly judgmental or evangelical, and urges readers to decide for themselves how they want to approach life and sex. I am really enjoying this book so far, even though I'm past the point in my life where I would be considering "hook-ups," but I am to the point where I'm considering how important I want my career to be, and how we will handle children once we have them. I hope Lukas will go into this conundrum in later chapters.

In Defense of Cell Phones

2006-04-24T18:31:00.000-04:00

from a post I made on Townhall, in response to an article blasting the prevalent use of cell phones.

This sounds like a lot of baby boomer hullabaloo about the fact that the world is changing. My generation IMs, text messages, and calls while running errands. Is it entirely necessary that we give ALL our attention to what brand of pasta we put in our grocery carts?

I talk to my parents and family and friends frequently--iming and chatting on the cell phone whenever I'm doing otherwise mindless tasks and have something to say. Is this important? No, but neither is choosing squash or corn. What IS important is the connection I have with them, as I live halfway across the country from most of the people I love. My generation is necessarily mobile and faces long commutes because of the incredibly high cost of living in the city and nearby suburbs. We don't have time to spare to sit at home and chat on the phone. In my marriage, both my husband and I work to pay off our student loans, so all errands, housework, and chores must be done in a short period of time. Whenever it's mindless, we squeeze in our best effort at quality time with those we love.

I avoid talking on my phone in the car or when doing anything else that requires my attention. I always end phone calls before checking out at a store and if anyone requires my attention who is physically in front of my, I put my phone call on hold to give that person the proper attention. I try to talk quietly by making sure to have a phone with a good microphone, enabling me to talk in hushed voice quieter than I would talk to someone next to me on the subway. But, otherwise, I want to invest my time in people who matter. I don't want to pay attention to marketing or panhandlers or watching hipsters rock out to their Ipods.

So, for those of you who have the luxury of living close to family or close to your place of employment or have a spouse at home taking care of errands and chores, more power to you. But for the rest of us youngsters who face a tougher lifestyle than you now face, let us keep in touch with our families and friends whenever we can. We realize they'll be gone before we know it.

Oh, and as an aside, I know I'm not important--but my family is

Sunday Morning

2006-04-23T08:43:00.000-04:00

There's something about Sunday mornings I have always loved. I've hated Sunday mornings, too, particularly when I'm exhausted and I've got to play bells at early church, but overall I love them. I especially appreciate them now, as I was on somewhat of a spiritual hiatus my first year at HDS. I felt bullied in every direction but there was no retreat, nowhere to go that would give me fellowship and worship. I did go to a church, but I disagreed so heartily with the pastor on pretty much every issue, including how to be a pastor, that I first stopped taking communion, then started walking out of sermons, then started walking out of prayers, then just sat in the church library the whole time, then stopped coming altogether. I tried to like it because my husband was the pastoral intern, but I simply couldn't. Then we found our current church after his internship was over and I love it! I didn't realize how much I enjoy this church until we came back after our summer-long vacation, and coming back was like coming home. I saw folks I knew, got caught up on things, and I looked forward to it. This church enables me to lower my hackles, which is wonderful because in order to survive Harvard Divinity, you've got to be aggressive, thick-skinned, and somewhat two-faced. I have managed to get aggressive and sometimes to have thick skin, but I have never managed being two-faced. A girl can only stretch her temperament so far.

In any case, Sunday morning feels like some kind of cleansing to me. It is time to take care of our spirituality, to nurture our relationship with God, and to face up to wrongs we have committed. Sunday morning feels like a chance to start over, a chance to get centered before the week begins. I hope this Sunday continues to feel that way. I'm going to wear my new shoes. That is also very exciting.

I think today I will reward my work on my Celtic paper by allowing myself to start readiing the 4 binders of info I have been given for my upcoming job. The closer this job gets, the more I believe I can handle it, and I'm excited to try. This is a new adventure for me--the private sector--but I am not afraid. My new boss is setting up a meeting for my colleagues and me sometime within the next couple of weeks, just a little get-together after work so that I have a chance to say hello outside the busy workplace.

My husband and I bought a treadmill yesterday. We got one from Walmart that had a great price, and since we could just put it in his jeep, we didn't have to pay the astronomical shipping one would otherwise pay for a treadmill. We set it up and tried it out. I jogged at least 1.5 miles and power walked somewhere over half a mile, and my husband jogged/walked 1.5 miles. He's in worse shape than I am, but of course since he is male the weight will just melt off him. We both found it significantly easier to exercise when it's right in the living room--just turn on a show you like and hop on! There's no gym bag to park, no parking to find, no locker room showers, no losing your gym card...just throw on your workout clothes, gym shoes, work out, and get in the shower. I like it. It also gives me the excuse to shower at night. I have always hated morning showers, and I hate them extra now because there is one bathroom between the two of us and we have to be out the door at the same time. My new plan is to shower at night, post-running, and then wet my hair in the morning and style as usual. This also means I don't have to do my routine of letting my lotion soak in for 15 minutes before I get dressed. I think my mornings should be much more pleasant and quicker from now on. Also, that lovely sore feeling reminds me to take care of my body. As I said before, if I put junk in my body, it will affect my skin (and hair, and butt, and everything else), so I need to take care of myself.

My new job begins at 8 am. Eight!!!! I'll have to scoot out the door at seven, which will put me there around 7:30, but if I leave at 7:15, I'll arrive at 8. I'd rather not sit in the car an extra 15 minutes. If I get to work early, I can grab a cup of coffee and get situated before beginning my day. During my six-month training period I hope to knock their socks off with how quickly I learn. There's another Harvard undergrad who will be working alongside me, so I now know who the Joneses are work-wise. It'll be nice to have someone to go through the program with but I've got to make sure and be better than he is if I am to be promoted as quickly as I intend. I don't do things half-way, and I want to give this my all.

Well, my husband is up and in the shower, so I'd better down this cup of coffee and get ready for church.

Saturday

2006-04-22T09:20:00.000-04:00

Today is the unofficial kickoff of yard sale season. I had every plan to go--even got dressed early for it--until my husband asked me what we wanted at a garage sale, being that we ourselves are trying to get rid of our stuff. I thought, and thought, and finally came up with, "a rake. I want a rake." Apparently this answer wasn't good enough, so here I am, lazing around on a Saturday morning. We also plan to get a new dining table for our eat-in-kitchen, but we will likely purchase that new or off craigslist. The new prices aren't much more expensive than the used prices for good furniture, and we know exactly what we want. We prefer the tables that are higher than the average table--I believe they are called "cafe style." We found it at Jordan's and Bernie and Phyl's within a reasonable price range. Here's a picture of one we like.

Someone is coming in half an hour to give me an estimate on rebuilding the retaining wall and stairs down to the basement. We've got to get that done, but we also want to do it cheaply. There's no sense in building a gorgeous retaining wall fit for Desperate Housewives homes when our house simply isn't of that caliber. I think our realtor called it "over-improvement." It's a waste of money. I hope the guy who comes to give us the estimate understands our predicament--we want it to look nice, and we're willing to pay for installation and such, but we have no intention of using fancy rocks or anything else that the large companies want us to use. When I mentioned the type of blocks I was interested in to the large companies, I got quite a bit of scoffing. When I mentioned the blocks I want to this guy, he said, "Oh yeah, they look good, they are the least expensive of the lot, and if installed well, the wall will last forever. Great choice." Quite a different response, and I hope this attitude of his continues right on to the price given in the estimate. Our alternative is to try to do it ourselves (ick!).

This Thursday is the annual council dinner for my husband's work. Last year a flag fell and missed my head by inches, shattering my plate and surprising the heck outta me. I didn't know what to do so I just sat there, then laughed. Apparently this made a good impression on the rest of the Scout executives. Then we went on a dinner cruise for Christmas with the council executives, and the dancing in the center dance area got a bit crazy. By the end of the night I had led them all in the Thriller dance (not that hard to learn, just line up and follow me!) and had gotten the old execs to mix with the young execs by encouraging all the wives to boogey with me. By the end of the night, I remembered that this was an event for "work," and hoped I hadn't blown my husband's chances of promotion by my enthusiasm on the dance floor. I had also sat next to the new head honcho during dinner and had lots of fun conversation with him and his wife. They are delightful people with six--SIX--boys!!!! In any case, my husband said everyone had a blast with me, so I refuse to be embarrassed in retrospect. I am looking forward to seeing everybody again at the dinner. I hope we sit next to Pete, who has swum with sharks and has lots of stories about sharks. I loooooooove getting scared by shark stories.

Got my facial yesterday. It was absolutely lovely!!!!!!!! I am absolutely, positively going back before graduation. I only got a half-hour facial because it was free, but I plan to get the hour long facial next time. It is absolutely worth the money, and if I have any extra spending money, I want to collect their skin care line as I am able. I always feel guilty about spending money when I should give it to charity or the church, but I also want to take care of myself. I don't get massages, I don't get manicures or pedicures more than once a year, but I do want better skin. I need to take care of it. The better my skin is, the less I have to mess with makeup, and that is HUGE for me because no foundation will properly match my freckled skin. Also, I had a revelation while I was getting my facial. The more crap I put in my body, the more crap will come out my pores. If I want my skin to look better, I had better give my body better nutrition. I started by eating a salad for lunch, and I intend to continue. Today we are also picking up a treadmill. I'm not sure what my running regimen will be, but I've got to start one. I'm thinking of 1.5 miles of jogging a day. ??? Not sure.

It would sure be nice if I could feel confident and fit by graduation. I don't expect to be in the shape I was in college, with my hours of training every day, but it would be nice to be a bit fitter. I need to get a goal in mind, but I don't have one yet.

My husband's out of the shower so I'm going to gab with him.

Shoes

2006-04-20T20:19:00.000-04:00

What is it about sexy pumps that makes a girl feel like a grownup lady? I just bought two pairs for work and I can't wait to wear them everywhere!!!! I hope I become one of those women who can wear heels on an everyday basis. My feet are a dainty narrow 7 and my legs aren't shabby either, so I would love to learn to show them off more.

Musings from the Library

2006-04-19T14:48:00.000-04:00

I'm in the absolutely gorgeous reading room of the library where I work, and I don't have much to do. So, I'll muse.

I'm beginning to understand why people put so much effort into their homes. The small twinge of satisfaction I've had from cleaning and improving my home has made a huge difference in my experience of my house. It has gone from being a house to a home. I'm also feeling more clarified mentally. The more I can find things easily, the less frantic I feel as I go about my day. There are many things I have yet to do on the house--MANY--but geting even a few of them done makes a big difference. I am considering painting the counters instead of replacing them. They're in good shape as counters go, but they're ugly. I'm also thinking that an eventual project will be to build a mantle for our fireplace.

I think, perhaps, that the reason I trust God so much is I realize I can't do much better. I don't trust in science and I don't trust in medicine; those are falliable because they're run by humans. The only being I really trust is God, and I firmly believe God is active in our lives and wants us to be joyful. I have been down the paths of desolation, but I have come through those periods more grateful than before. I know my time at Harvard has been useful in some way--if only to make me happier once I have left.

I think our obsession with thinness has something to do with our cultural acceptance of pornography. Victoria's Secret commercials show gyrating supermodels in lingerie during our favorite shows. Fascination with the female body--and a growing fascination with the male body--has come to dominate our media and thus our homes. Is there any way to unplug from our sex-saturated culture while still remaining part of our society? Do we have to become Amish to divorce socially-mandated lust from our lives?

Why do we listen to celebrities' political opinions? Life is a tale told by an idiot--and they're the idiots telling the tales.

I had better begin researching my next paper.

My Friend, the Joggler

2006-04-18T17:17:00.000-04:00

My friend Zach Warren just made another world record! This time it's not for unicycling, it's for joggling. He and another joggler ran the Boston Marathon yesterday and he beat his own past world record. Pretty cool, eh?

There's video of a newscast about him here, and here's the original pre-marathon Globe article about him, and here's the latest Globe article.

If you're curious about why he's joggling (and unicycling, the next world record to be set by him), check out www.unicycle4kids.org. He spends his summers in Afghanistan teaching kids circus tricks. Along the way, they learn about brushing teeth, washing hands, and most importantly, how to laugh in such a war-torn country. I am on the email recipient list and his stories were amazing. Some parents had never--never--seen their children laugh or sing. With the Afghan Mini-Mobile Circus, the kids sing, play, clap, and more. If there's one thing that will build up trust between Afghanistan and the United States, it's connecting through loving the same children.

Just Turned In My Thesis

2006-04-17T17:22:00.000-04:00

and I'm feelin' fine! We're thinking of going out for dinner tonight to celebrate and to avoid creating more dishes to wash. We are still behind on dishes. I aim to get caught up on them tonight. We are also going to sort through some boxes and put out more for the VA to pick up tomorrow.

I'm in the mood for a road trip. Road trips are great because they enable to feel like you have really left everything behind. However, I think I can channel that same feeling into our house. We're in a cottage overlooking the lake and it looks like rain tonight. It's cool and calm and I've got my two boys with me. My husband doesn't have to work tonight so we've got all our time to ourselves. Rather indulgent, don't you think?

Happy Easter!

2006-04-16T13:24:00.000-04:00

It's Easter! We had so much fun in church this morning. The kids were all ADORABLE in their Easter outfits, and we sat right by our favorite baby to watch, Ava. She giggles and claps and shows her four teeth. Once, when she was in a waving phase, the pastor was preaching and she was enchanting the whole congregation by waving at every person she saw. The pastor finally made a joke about it and she turned and waved at him, and he waved back, and she waved with BOTH hands and started clapping and giggling. I think the pastor had felt a bit upstaged until he got his own special, four-toothed grin with two-hand wave. He melted and we all got a good laugh out of it. Anyway, Ava was wearing a pink dress and had a pink bow stuck on her head. We have other favorite kids to watch--Jeffrey had a blue striped suit on (with hiking boots, of course), and Timmy wore a sailor's outfit. So many people have such adorable kids, and it makes church fun! Also, we are finally to the point where people notice when we're not at church, and we have plenty of people to talk to in coffee hour. Church is probably the one hour of the week when I actually feel good about New England.

Today I am about to get to work on my thesis. I have to write the intro and conclusion and then start to clean it. I am supposed to turn it in tomorrow and it needs a lot of work! I had been on a total brain freeze for months. I'd write something, but it would be awful, so I would delete it. I actually ended up with less material than when I started, which was really frustrating. Then I got into some really good discussions about God with one of my closest friends this weekend, and it got my juices flowing. I realized that I have spent far too much time worrying about how the message would be taken (and thus dancing around my imaginary people's being offended) than actually saying the message that has been given to me to write. I started going back to Scripture and the words began to flow. I love, love, love the Bible! It turns out that my belief supplies words, even in the face of Harvard criticism. My criticism has been mixed--a lot of people are very, very against my tie to Christianity, but almost everyone who has read my work has said it moved them. Even my advisor, who isn't Christian, said that she was moved so much that she is re-examining her own spirituality and found herself drawn back to God through my work. She's a professor of theology, so this was really uplifting! I try to keep that in mind as I write instead of the harsh criticism that has also been thrown my way. I don't consider myself any kind of writer, but I do care very much about whether my work helps women deepen their faith.

Anyway, I'd probably better get to work.

It's a Beautiful Morning!

2006-04-14T09:38:00.000-04:00

I think I'll go outside for awhile...and just smile...and breathe in the clean, fresh air now! There's no sense in staying inside when the weather's fine and you've got the time!

Today is absolutely beautiful. Gorgeous! It's 9:30 in the morning and I'm letting my husband sleep in as much as possible; he has been so swamped and underslept, and I know his thesis is suffering for it. We have Good Friday off--a strange side effect of this non-religious-yet-staunchly-Catholic city. It will be wonderful to have a whole day with my husband, with the sunshine streaming in, the lake below reflecting the cloudless sky above, and the birds singing, "It's Spring!"

Yesterday I was sitting with a mental block on my thesis, so what did I do? I cleaned out the back porch. It had served as a repository for all our boxes and other forms of junk that we simply weren't using and didn't want to deal with. I dealt with them. On Tuesday, the Vietnam Vets Association is going around to all the houses, doing pickups of household items (clothing, curtains, linens, anything up to small furniture), and I don't think they have any idea what they are in for. WE HAVE SO MUCH EXTRA STUFF!!!!!!!! When we moved, we didn't go through our things--we just chunked everything in boxes and put them in the truck. The lady before us also left a surprising collection of wall art and small furniture, none of which we like. It is all going now! When I began to plow through our stuff, I quite literally got rid of HALF. HALF, and that isn't counting the yet-to-be-resorted stuff IN the tubs. My husband and I are going to go through those together, as they contain clothes, shoes, and such. The VA especially desires clothes and shoes, and we certainly haven't worn them in two years, so have at it! Boy, I can't tell you how great it feels to get junk OUT of here!!!!!! Woohoo! This week I have also had a getting-rid-of-boxes crusade, setting them on the porch and posting on craigslist for people to come get them. Our place is really coming together and I am so pleased with it!

And yet, of course, today I just want to do yard work in the sun. I want to slap on some bug spray and put on my work gloves and start cleaning up this ugly yard! If I'm lucky I'll get freckled while I am at it. This morning I plan to go to the hardware store--always a welcome trip for me--and I have a whole list of things I need. Wow--the hardware store AND yardwork in one measy day! YAAY!!!!! I hope I get all muddy.

Though it is Good Friday, and I am supposed to be meditating on the sacrifice of Christ, I can't help but marvel at His goodness. What a wonderful, blessed assurance we have in Jesus, and how incredible our lives can be when we follow Him. Time and time again the value of following Christ has been proven to me, and though my life hasn't gone the way I planned, it has surpassed anything I ever expected. There is no end to the gifts of God given to us, and I feel this keenly this morning.

ChristyTime Rocks!

2006-04-11T17:21:00.000-04:00

Oh, how I do love ChristyTime! Because I am cruising on my thesis, I am indulging myself with a private viewing of Mona Lisa Smile, complete with popcorn, blanket, and new couch. Oh, and dog begging for popcorn. I decided to watch Mona Lisa Smile because it has been on my mind quite awhile. I've been reminding myself of the collegiate women who "set up house" once they are married. That is exactly what I've been doing. I am even continually excited by the washer and dryer--right in our own house! No more laundromat! I feel like I'm both playing at being an adult and doing a really good job of it. In Mona Lisa Smile, the viewer is drawn to view the students as "girls," and then one day, they're married women with homes and hoping for children someday. The viewer is surprised, but the girls see it coming. Many of my fellow graduate students are still adolescent in the way they handle themselves and their lives, but my husband and I passed that mark quite awhile ago.

My popcorn is ready and I'm going to snuggle up and watch.

Busy Weekend!

2006-04-10T09:45:00.000-04:00

This weekend was incredibly busy! I needed a rest, but no rest was in sight. Luckily, I got a different kind of rest--the kind that comes from accomplishing many odd tasks. Individually, they were not of life-or-death importance, but together, they were a big nuisance because they weren't finished! It was much akin to trying to get to the last box in a series of boxes, and every time you need to access that box, you have to move all the rest. The obvious solution is to make a pathway or restack the boxes for easier access. In addition to all my work on setting up our financial box and our house information box (full of info on companies and products we will likely use within the year), I rented a Uhaul for yesterday's retrieval of the beautiful china cabinet. Before we went to pick it up, though, I suggested to my husband that we head over to Burlington's Pizzeria Uno for a nice post-church lunch. I mentioned on the way that I thought Lay-Z-Boy furniture gallery, usually far out of our price range, was having a sale a few weeks ago, so perhaps we might be able to stop and have a look to see if they were selling any floor models within our financial reach. If we could pick it up from the store, we'd save even more money, as we already had the Uhaul for the entire day anyway. As you probably do not know, we've been sitting on a loveseat that smells like cigarettes and cat pee, with the sides of it shredded so the stuffing is coming out and an old, vinyl recliner from the 60s with duct tape all over it to keep the stuffing in. Sounds cozy, right? In reality, it made the room feel trashy and me trashy in it. I've been pricing sofa sets for months. When we arrived in Burlington, a man with a sign proclaimed the emminent closing of this location, and all items must go! 50% off! So, after our mini-pizzas, we toddled on over there and found a great deal on a sofa and loveseat and coffeetable that suit us. The sofa is a beige with a floral tapestry in crimson, evergreen, and royal blue, and it has gold detail. It's a very warm pattern, and the sheen of the tapestry fabric is such that the couch somewhat glows in the light. It also happens to match the crimson palladio throw I already owned as well as the gold chenille throw. The crimson looks wonderful next to the fireplace, and I plan to paint the walls a light blue to bring out the blue in the couch. The coffee table has drawers and plenty of place for storage. It's great for magazines, my little financial calendar and pencil pack, and board games. I think when we paint the walls and trim, our place will look even better. We do plan to get hardwood rather than carpet, but that's a slightly later project. My husband thinks I should start calling to get estimates, because in a month, neither of us will be home during the day during the week to get estimates done. He's right. I'll put that on my list.

We also got the china cabinet and unpacked our china into it. It looks so lovely! Something about having a china cabinet and a hope chest makes this place feel like a Home, not just a place to park our stuff. I get to walk by the china cabinet every day and think of our wedding and all the people who love us as represented by the beautiful china they gave us. One of my neighbors back in Kansas made me a hand-knit lace doily and it is absolutely incredible. I love it love it love it! I have it displayed under a crystal bowl. I get the warm fuzzies whenever I look at the cabinet. How blessed we are to be so loved!

I was telling my husband last night that I feel better after this little spree. Previously, I felt like I was still living the crappy student life with free, stinky furniture and boxes everywhere, except for the added stress of being somewhat isolated and lonely. The isolation I liked because living in the city sucked, but the loneliness of his being gone all day and all evening was wearing on me. I suppose I felt like I was getting the worst of both worlds--crappy student standard of living, lonely housewife feeling at home. After spending awhile unpacking with him (and having furniture to unpack INTO), I now feel like a Homeowner. I also have been getting more involved in church (now that we live nearby), and took part in a dramatic liturgical reading yesterday and went to my committee meeting last week. I think I am REALLY going to enjoy being on that committee; it's right up my alley and I heartily enjoy the other members of it. I truly enjoy the church we go to now. There is a lot of room for improvement, but by and large it is already an excellent fit. Joining that church has made a huge difference in my happiness level. My husband originally wanted to live south or west of town, but I pointed out that we would not be able to be involved in church as much--the ONE thing I like about Boston--and he agreed that on this particular issue, my happiness was a factor in addition to the commute. Now that we have settled into North Reading, we love it. It's exactly like Mayberry from the Andy Griffiths show--people even congregate outside the Dairy Queen on Sunday afternoons! It's a great fit for us, and I'm so glad we moved here.

We also got a fancy welcome basket from all the local small business owners. It has free stuff, coupons, information, and even a manicure kit! It was all done up in cellophane and had a bow and I felt all giddy as I unpacked it. I'm glad I went through it carefully because there are a lot of services I'm going to need, and many of the local businesses that perform said services gave us little coupons. As I have mentioned before, my husband is absolutely swamped, and he has been nearly ready to flip becaues of his paradox: he can't get good writing done on his thesis until he can clear his mind, but he when he sits down to clear his mind, it's time to get some sleep. He's simply not HOME enough. Well, there are some local day spas, and they have New Homeowner Specials, and I think I am going to call them and book my husband a massage. He has never had one and has always wanted one. I think it would help him clear his mind and relax. He might be like Lois on Malcolm in the Middle, though--when she gets a massage for the first time, she starts crying from all the pent up stress. Ha ha! Also in Husband News, his great grandmother and great aunt died last week. His family is really stressed out. I realize at this particular time that my troubles (feeling lonely and constantly doing housework) are far less than what others in my life are going through, so I am trying just to suck it up.

I've just about finished my coffee, so I had better shower, do dishes, and get into Cambridge for my meeting.

It's My Blog's Weekiversary!

2006-04-07T12:03:00.000-04:00

It has been a whole week since I began this blog. A week! And here I am still posting.

This week has been a bit stressful for me, but I think it has been productive as well. Being sick was no picnic but it did force me to rest--something I needed very badly. Yesterday I pampered myself and bought the leaf vacuum I've been wanting. I love gardening and landscaping but I do NOT care for raking leaves off stone. The woman who lived here before us considered herself a master gardener. She must have meant Zen gardener, because the whole stinking yard is covered in stepping stones, cobblestones, and a few chunks of quartz. I will have to get rid of all of it! First, of course, I have to get rid of the 4 inch layer of leaves off the top, and that is just unpleasant with a rake; every time you strike a rock, it sends shivers up your arm. I am hoping this leaf vacuum/mulcher will make it simpler for me. I am going to give it a go this afternoon and I hope to get terribly dirty in the process.

In other purchase news, I found a goooooooorgeous china cabinet for $250, well within our price range. We've been receiving our china in boxes all week, and it's sitting on the counter. When we move the china cabinet here on Sunday, I will be able to put the china IN the china cabinet! I'm so excited. This china cabinet is really beautiful, too. It will play off our maple cabinetry very well. I also found an oak chest for $100. I've wanted a Hope Chest since I was a little girl, and my husband and I each have our little allotted funds for things for ourselves that the other can't complain about. My husband maxed his out on a fancy cell phone and PDA, and I haven't found anything worth buying yet. Well--until this! I think I may fill it with sweaters or other things for now and use it as a coffee table until we purchase a real coffee table. I can think of tons of places this chest could go in this house, but the important thing is that it is MINE, and only MY special things go in it. I have to admit I'm being childish about this, but a Hope Chest was my girlhood dream much as padlocked diaries are the dreams of other little girls. I finally get one! We're picking it up tonight.

I've been making lots of phone calls because our home insurance is getting cancelled. We already have new insurance lined up, of course, but it's more expensive. There are a bunch of concerns the home insurance company had with our house--the chimney, the crumbling retaining walls, the crumbling front steps, and the cosmetically-damaged back door. We had planned to fix these things slowly as we had the funds, but it looks like we'll be spending savings up front to fix them or face insurance payments that are twice as much as regular payments. Obviously, this isn't the end of the world, but it has lit a fire under my rear. I discovered that the Boston Better Business Bureau has a "One Stop Shopping" function on its website. You fill out the info, your request for what you need (info, estimate, proposal, and the specifics), and within a few days, all applicable BBB members contact you with information. So, I put in a request for retaining wall estimates as well as fencing estimates. If this works as they say it does, it will save me time because we have plenty of things to be fixed. Our chimney will be fixed April 27th, so that's one thing down. Yay!

I also spent quite a bit of time designing and purchasing a system at Target to organize our financial and home information. I should spend about an hour putting things in the proper files today.

I guess that's it. I really should get to work! Got the kitchen to clean, phone calls to make, leaves to vacuum, and more.

Just a Touch More Sugar

2006-04-04T16:06:00.000-04:00

And my life will be sweeter. Things are getting better, and I'm starting to feel more clear. My husband and I had a talk in the car about whether the current division of labor is permanent or temporary. I want it to be temporary, as I'm in charge of the house. The way it currently goes is he works full-time and finishes up school, and I work part-time and finish up school. In a sense, he has two full-time jobs, and I only have 1.25. So, I'm taking care of the house and doing the laundry, shopping, cleaning, etc. It's fine for a temporary arrangement--in fact, it's fair--but when I found myself identifying with my mother's Ladies' Home Journal over spring break I felt frightened! The last thing I want is to wake up in 30 years and not know my spouse. The second-to-last thing I want is to work AND take care of the kids AND take care of the house for the next 30 years. Women often work far more hours a day than men, and thus resent their ungrateful lumps of husband fat. I don't want that. Anyway, my husband emphatically agreed that this isn't a long-term arrangement. Given our past conversations about dividing up the housework 50/50 (he feels as strongly as I do about it), I figured this was temporary. In the meantime, though, he's burnt out and nearly miserable. He's so tired. I want to help but I'm recovering from strep so I'm just going to try to continue picking up slack where I can and keep going. The one thing we do have is a steady, albeit boring marriage. We don't have drama between us--any drama occurs outside our marriage and we deal with it together. I did go to the grocery and make a pot roast today. I have more to do but I stopped to drink tea, as my head had begun to hurt and I'm trying to ward off more Advil. I only have two left in the whole bottle!!!

Tonight is my first meeting with the Evangelism Committee at church. I'm excited! I like everyone I know on it, and I'm honestly excited about both seeing them in a small setting and tackling evangelism together with them. I have some ideas brewing for 20s-and-30s evangelism and I am ready to get going.

Turned in a paper today and need to finish up my thesis by Monday. Icky poo! I'm so sick of school, but I need to remind myself that

this too shall pass (and no doubt quicker than it should). --one of my favorite quotes EVER, from Pride and Prejudice

Snoooooore

2006-04-03T13:44:00.000-04:00

I had my one day in the sun and then beginning Saturday morning I was sick as a dog! I laid in bed all Saturday and went to the doc on Sunday, as it hadn't gotten better. Turns out I have full-blown strep throat! After I took my meds Sunday afternoon, I felt a bit better, but last night I could hardly sleep because my throat hurt so badly. This morning I got up, had some breakfast so that I could take my advil and medication, and promptly passed out on the couch while iming with a friend. So, here I am, just woken up, and I feel like I wasted my whole weekend. Truthfully, though, I hadn't felt as badly as I felt this weekend in years. Every muscle in my body ached, including my earlobes. My head was pounding, my fever was nearly 102, my stomach was churning, my throat was nearly swollen shut, and I couldn't pay attention to anything but whether I was hot or cold. It was terrible, and I'm glad I slept through most of it! I had planned to stay awake all day today to help me sleep tonight, and I obviously blew that already. But, the good news is that I already feel better than I did this morning. I plan to try to do some dishes if I can, or at least tidy up the house a tiny bit. It's a mess.

How's that for a boring update? But I think I'm by-and-large past the major pain.

Let's Hear it for Mud!

2006-03-31T13:08:00.000-05:00

Today the temperature is supposed to reach 75 in Boston, and I couldn't be more pleased. On the phone last night with my husband, I was bemoaning the load of homework I have to do and the yardwork that simply must be done (in particular, rebuilding the front steps, as the home insurer gave us a nasty call this week about them). You must understand that yardwork is, for me, fun time, while homework is blech. Yardwork tempts me to throw off my responsibilities and indulge my need to cover myself in mud. My freckles begin to come out in full force and I revert to my True Age of 8 years old. I LOVE it. I thought perhaps the weather would preclude me from working outside today, thus forcing my energy into my homework, but God has given me a free pass with the 75 degree weather! "Go outside, Christy, you deserve it!" Chester the Dog and I are going to have a lovely afternoon, after which we will do homework. Oooo I am so pleased with today! I may have to take some before and after photos.

2006-03-30T22:32:00.000-05:00

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