Update

I feel I must go ahead and update you all and tell you about my day. It was a bit weird as days go. First off, when I arrived at work this morning, knowing I had NO phone calls and just a full day of training ahead of me, I had an overwhelming sense that it was wrong to know I didn't want to stay in this training program and not be honest with my supervisor. The thought of continuing to keep my big trap shut nearly made me sick to my stomach, so I quickly called my husband, cleared it with him, and then spoke with my supervisor in private. I told her I felt this wasn't working out, I didn't see myself going any farther in the training than my current spot, and I felt it was unethical not to tell her. I said it was a waste of her time as well as mine. I mentioned our family plans (within the next year) and pointed out how training is a majority of the first year so it would be a wasted investment on me and I felt that was unfair of me to do to them knowingly. She said she was very impressed that I told her so openly, over a week before our intended review. In general it was a very positive "first quitting" experience, I suppose, and she quickly recommended me for an open position in marketing--even went to every person who will decide on that position and talked to them about me. It was pretty clear that this was my decision to leave the program but not one with any bad blood behind it--it just wasn't a fit. She made it clear that she still felt I was bright, intelligent, a quick study, a hard worker, and a pleasure to work with. Then I went ahead and did training all day, as I had two segments to present myself, and at the end of today I got to leave AT 6!!!! Not 7, but 6!! Woohoo! It was great. And I already have three consecutive interviews set up for the marketing position, which is basically doing the web content, email marketing, etc tomorrow morning. I had a preliminary interview today at lunch. I have absolutely NO idea what will happen with that but I've decided I'm going to roll with it. There are perks to staying there (I already know and generally like everyone, no new paperwork, no more interviewing), but there are also downsides (moving closer downtown in a few months with 300/month parking, far enough away already, etc). So, ehhhhh. I don't know.

So that is where I am. Odd switch, isn't it? But I feel SO relieved. I can't even explain what a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I'm a terrible liar and I know it--and I was lying by pretending I was into the program when I wasn't. And now I can concentrate on preparing to make a baby (woohoo!), find a job that is less strenuous, and can, for once, indulge myself a bit.

I feel good.