Baby blog

Head on over to the baby blog if you want to read about how it's going!

7 weeks 1 day

I'm very tired! I washed my face and pulled my hair up before I realized I needed to take a picture. Here it is.

Week 6

Pardon the ugliness...

?

He doesn't want to be a penguin!

Ohmigosh, is my cousin not the cutest??

Weekend Update

It's Sunday morning and I'm drinking my coffee before the husband gets up. We'll go to the second service at church. After that there's a turkey dinner that's a fundraiser for the food pantry so we'll probably eat turkey in fellowship hall. And while we eat turkey we will argue whether it's called "stuffing" or "dressing."

Yesterday I had a pretty good day. I went for a standout for a political candidate here (not in my district, but the next one over. My district's not a swing district at all so there's little point in doing stuff around here). I just held a sign and some people honked and gave thumbs-up. Then we all went for lunch and I begged off the afternoon door-to-door because I had to come home and clean. Well then I got caught up going to the grocery and running errands with Andy--since he was in a cranky mood, he didn't feel like doing them alone. I let him buy some caramel Reece's cups so he perked up considerably. The good part of that was that when we got home, he pitched in with cleaning as we had less than half the time I needed to get the house presentable.

BUT, there's no better feeling than a clean house, and our house was pretty close by the time our friends came. We had some candles burning, everything put away, a fire going in the fireplace...lovely. And we had four friends over and we ate burgers and drank champagne and beer (i know, i know) and played trivial pursuit. The girls beat the boys at the last minute. It has been so, so, so long since I've had an evening like that...just...friendly. I'm friends with both the girls (really good friends with one--she's the one who is also TTC so we email nearly every day), and the boys all got along just fine. It was very relaxed and we had fun. I will have to organize another one of those. That one was a complete fluke and just happened because we girls wanted to get together, and you can't really leave the boys, so we put them to work grilling.

There was one semi-bad thing that happened yesterday. Andy went down to the basement to get the table and came back up and said, "Umm, honey, I think we broke the table." When we moved it down before the hardwood floors, we were frustrated that it didn't break into pieces since it was so heavy. Well, halfway through moving (between the porch and the tree, down the cement steps), we were suddenly elated to discover that the table did, in fact, break into four parts! Woohoo!

And yesterday we learned that it wasn't really supposed to do that. Now we have a table in pieces. And I have no idea why, but he went ahead and brought the four chairs up, so they are sitting there all naked in the kitchen. I'm not mad that it's broken, though, because the table was free in the first place and sorely needed to be replaced--we just didn't quite plan on doing it so soon.

It looks like today we will be furniture shopping. I'm looking online to check out the deals. And I think my song for the day will have to be Ashlee Simpson's "Pieces of me."

Mistake

So I have recently made a mistake. Here's how the conversation went: (A=Andy, C=me) (the day after the Pastor-Parish Relations Committee once again delayed discussing pay raises for our dismally-paid pastors)

A: Yeah, you know how Pastor Pam's tv wasn't plugged in? It's broken.
C: Oh really? Why don't they get a new one?
A: I think they can't afford it. They can't afford internet service either.
C: That's a shame, they have such a huge DVD collection and I know they're movie buffs.
A: Yeah, it sucks for them.
C: Well gosh, I wonder it would be nice of us to give them our tv? We can buy a new one.
A: We don't need a new one.
C: Yeah, I know, but we can afford it and it does look really small in that huge entertainment center. It would be nice to have a bigger one. And we sit so far back from it in our living room.
A: Do you think they would want our old tv?
C: Yeah, I imagine they would, it's a nice tv. And if we got a new one, we could ask them if they would like to take it off our hands, so it wouldn't look like charity.
A: Meh.
C: Meh.

So at that point, I thought, "oh, moot point, we are not going to do anything." But in REALITY, the hubby was trying to contain his glee as he hustled off to pick out his new tv online!! He called his Dad, he checked the sales, he measured the entertainment center for how "big we could go," and when I tried to put the brakes on, he said,

"This is not a conversation between you and me now. You said we could get one, I heard you, you said it. Now it is a conversation between me and my friendly Best Buy salesman. Or Circuit City, I haven't decided."

So we may have a new tv. I'm not super-duper excited about it but ehhhhhhhh. If I let him get it, he'll probably let me paint anything in the house the way I want instead of arguing with me. And I'm sure there will be other perks. That would definitely be his Christmas present though!!!! I was not planning on spending that amount of money this year except on improvements to the house.

In other money news, it looks like my company is going to pay for my parking (210/mo) in exchange for my loading/unloading the dishwashers in the two small kitchens and wiping down the counters every day. Pretty sweet, right? Since we are not pregnant yet I am trying to gather as much money as I can. Sometimes it's tough because I just want to stay home already to SEE my husband, but I know this isn't forever.

One thing that really bothers me--besides never seeing my husband and commuting two hours a day--is the fact that our nutrition is awful. We continually eat "out" or eat take-out. It's terrible. And I eat out at lunch probably four days out of five. My only healthy meal every day is breakfast. And since my butt sits in that seat from 8 am to 6 pm, I'm hungry about 3 and want a snack, so I go to the Baskin Robbins for ice cream. I can feel my jeans getting tighter, and I don't like it. And eating out so much isn't economical either.

I've also been having a LOT of frustration at work--came home the other day in tears. My immediate superior is great, but another person in the dept who is higher than I am has become extremely bossy and patronizing. I hate having to deal with that kind of crap. It's so stupid--why not just be nice about it? Really, what's the point of being a witch to other people? Perhaps my feathers are ruffled because I'm prideful. I may not be the highest-ranking person in the company, but I'm just as intrinsically good as anyone else and deserving of respect. We all are.

I hate being talked down to, I really do. It's one of my pet peeves. But Andy and I talked about it and my plan is to wait until I get pregnant, and then if I'm really sick during the pregnancy, I'll just quit. If I find it pretty tolerable, I'll stick it out until I'm 8ish months along. It's not necessarily a bad place to work--just one particular frustration with one person. I like everybody else, and I even like this person when she's not trying to throw her weight around.

Andy wants me to quit right now because he never sees me and there's so much to do on the house and the dog is always alone and I'm always exhausted from being gone 12 hours a day. But I don't know--I'm afraid that would 1) look poorly on my resume, and 2) make me feel like I weren't doing anything. Right now I am earning good money for the hours I work, and I am really hoping we'll either be able to enjoy the money or save it.

Andy's in the shower getting ready for church. We are slowly getting the smell out of this place; the more dust we remove, the better it smells. And this house is going to be so great when we are finished with it! Zillow has it currently listed as worth 75k more than we paid for it, and that does not include improvements like adding square footage (next project) by finishing the front porch and finishing the back porch to turn it into a bedroom. We are really hoping we'll be able to make back what we put into this house. We don't know much about home improvement so we're just plugging away and hiring people when we need help.

I guess that is about it for now. The sun has come out and it's gorgeous today--maybe I'll go take some video of our lake and post it? I think I am going to purchase the "Audio Tools" that go with the the video software so that I can create music videos. Would anybody else enjoy that?

Our floors

Saturday Update

Andy's coming home! He just called. WOOHOO! Apparently he finished up at dawn this morning. For those of you who are familiar with Boy Scouts, he had to go away because he was getting the top honor in the Order of the Arrow. Order of the Arrow is like a secret honor society in Scouts, and this top honor is a really big deal. They have to set up committees and do all sorts of preparation for months beforehand, then the person getting initiated has to go through a bunch of tasks before the ceremony happens. And apparently my husband blazed through them so he could come on home to me! (He has been a little bit in the doghouse these past few weeks because I'm *sick* of his being gone...but he won't have anywhere to go for quite awhile now.)

I know he'll sleep this morning and day as he hasn't slept since the night before last. But he's going to come up to Renee and Leigh's and we'll do pumpkins and watch movies and such. I'm sure he'll get tired and pass out but since we're staying the night, that's fine.

We got the hardwood floor wood already and it's stacked up in the living room. I can't help but feel that this will singlehandedly be the biggest improvement to this house. I keep meaning to take pictures but I really prefer taking them when a room is officially "done," and I doubt *anything* will be really done until we're ready to sell this place.

Incidentally, two things are coming up: my birthday and Christmas. I know you all don't know me but I'm batty about both holidays. We are currently in Birthday Month and within a couple of weeks we'll be in Birthday Week, which means cookies and cupcakes for everybody. On my birthday I always wear a big button that says, "Birthday girl" and force everyone to celebrate by giving them more cake. I know, I know, am I pushy or what?? I LOVE BIRTHDAYS! I mean really--one year gone by. That's something to celebrate. I have friends who haven't made it this far in life and I staunchly feel that every year survived and lived is an accomplishment. So eat that cookie for me! :) My coworkers are a little curious about this--I've already invited all of them to accompany me to the California Pizza Kitchen for a birthday lunch, and I'll be bringing pastries all week. Luckily, another guy in the office has the same birthday (down to the year, but I'm a few hours older) so I am going to promote his birthday as well.

And thennnnnnnnnnnnnn, it's CHRISTMAS SEASON!!!!!!!! Oh heavens, I can't get enough of that Christmas music and the decorations and the snow and the good feelings all around. I get teary-eyed every step of the way. I am seriously like Christmas with the Kranks--and my husband is too, because he doesn't really like it (but humors me). I'm going to go to the Christmas Tree Shops and buy a houseful of decorations. I love Christmas because:
1. The food
2. The wonderful music
3. The smells (this year will be my first real Christmas tree ever, as my mom and brother are allergic to pine)
4. The way we all stomp around in snow boots and zip-zop snow pants
5. The decorations--both in my house and throughout the city (bows! bows!)
6. The reminder of the imporance of family
7. The sense of community. For ONCE, people look each other in the eye and nod. For ONCE, we see the less fortunate--not just see them as "those poor people" as Bostonians tend to do, but see them as PEOPLE. We give each other dignity back.
8. The reminder--all too important--of what Christianity is all about. Jesus' arrival as a baby in a manger really hits home with me--his lowly birth, his sweetness, his need for humanity to love him back, his Grace. Sometimes during Easter I feel a sense of shame because I know he died for me in *that* awful way. I feel that it's a debt I could never repay, and I don't even know where to start. But on Christmas...well, I know how to change a diaper, I know how to coo and rock, and I know how to snuggle a baby to sleep. I feel like Christmas--or rather, the way Jesus chose to come into this world--is a gift for me because it makes me feel so much closer to him, so loved, and so quietly honest. Babies don't hold a record of wrongs, and neither does Jesus.


Annnnnd, here is the video I took last week on our hike. I can't figure out how to add audio but I had planned to add Nickel Creek to it.

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No News is Good News

I've been asked to update, so here goes:

This past weekend we took our annual romantic weekend getaway to New Hampshire. It was lovely! On Saturday we drove up to the Mulburn Inn (same place we went last year) and on the way we stopped at Franconia National Park. We hiked up to the lost lake, which was absolutely gorgeous. Apparently a couple of guys lived there for years, just hiking and fishing in the lake. I wonder, what kind of courage would one have to have to take an adventure like that? Was there more of a desire to GO to a beautiful place or to leave a grungy place? Were they excited about something better or were they just content to leave the junk behind?

At exactly the wrong time, I'm hit with a strong desire to simplify my life. I want crap OUT of my house and I want everything organized. I want things to be clear and predictable. Are they? Not at all! Not even a little bit. I've got things here and there and everywhere. Andy and I were talking about it in the car on the way to NH--do we ever think we'll simplify our lives? We were both raised to be packrats but we can't stand it! I hope within the next year or so we'll be able to get rid of stuff and have a simplified lifestyle. My goal is to have the house organized by the time we leave in a little under 2 years. Andy wants to get it done before we have a baby because babies mean loads of presents from the new grandparents. So that cuts our time down a bit! I don't know if it's possible. We really need to be on Clean Sweep or something.

Oh, anyway, back to my weekend. Saturday night we had a nice dinner (sore! but nice) and Sunday we had a lovely homecooked breakfast followed by a drive through the Presidential Mountain chain. Silly me, I didn't realize we had driven through it--I was watching for someone's face in the mountain! I had confused the Old Man in the Mountain with Mt Rushmore with the Presidential Mountain chain. Then we went to the outlet malls in North Conway (didn't buy anything, just browsed) and drove past lake Winipekasee (sp?). I hear the Romneys have a place there. Then we came back to the house, walked the dog, and had a lovely evening of TWO home movies.

Next week we get the hardwood floors put in, so we are going to try to organize some tonight (ha ha ha, as if). Andy's waiting for his car to be finished and as soon as that happens, he's going to buy a canoe with his birthday money. Oh, how I look forward to floating around in our lake with a good book! (Maybe Nancy's book?)

So, there it is! I'm tired and disorganized but everything's fine. No news is good news, right?

A photo from Renee's wedding

I am so incredibly blessed...this is how I feel about my husband every day.

Random Memories

Saturday update

Well, folks, it's Saturday and Chester and I are sitting on the couch with a log burning in the fireplace. I'm drinking tea and he's watching the log...will it move? What's it going to do? Watch! Watch! Of course we can't figure out which way the flue is open and closed so I've smoked up the whole house. When it gets really cold outside we'll be able to tell the difference. Right now it's only in the 50s, but I'm trying to avoid turning the oil heat on. Since it's just me here today, I don't need to heat the whole house.

Did you all see the post about Nancy's book? Check it out! (Gracie, she moved back to TN, she's Southern through and through!) Until that book comes out I'm reading Harry Potter 2. Well, re-reading for the fifth (at least) time. I had a wonderful morning of laying in bed reading for an hour before I got up. It was delightful!

Has anyone else ever wondered about how the Internet--and blogging in particular--can tend to exaggerate our emotions? It's like we almost feel embarrassed when our lives are stable and healthy because it's disinteresting. Of course, folks like Nancy can turn any mundane experience into a hilarious account, but the rest of us just sort of putter along and go through life. It seems that it's become fashionable to highlight what's wrong with ourselves--to make each individual life into a soap opera. I wonder, though, if it's just me who has noticed that. A slight funk suddenly becomes a deep depression, and a marital tiff becomes cause for intense therapy. It's almost like we have no patience for working through things--it's so much easier to think we can farm out that work to doctors, therapists, and drugs than to think we can or should do it ourselves.

I'm not at *all* saying those three things aren't useful--they definitely are in the right circumstance--but it seems to me that it's become a first reaction ("I'll just go get some Prozac from my family doctor") rather than one part of a comprehensive treatment. Incidentally, I've never known any treatment that worked that did NOT involve a significant investment from the person being treated. Drugs do help but they must be in tandem with therapy. Therapy does work but it requires a change of lifestyle and a support system. There's no easy solution, and you can't really "farm it out" to anyone without doing some work yourself.

Given that there's no easy solution for real mental illness, I wonder why people are so quick to categorize themselves as being mentally ill. For example, my desire to have a clean house coupled with my love of orderliness does NOT inherently mean that I suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder. People truly do suffer from that and would be an insult to lump my enjoyment of order with their suffocating need for it. Similarly, a situational issue that makes us sad and disoriented does not necessarily mean we are "depressed" to a clinial extent. Some people absolutely are--and deserve treatment--but I am continually surprised at how quick we are to pass off situational sadness as full-blown depression. What is it that makes people eager to categorize themselves as mentally ill?

There's a song that goes, "If you want to be somebody else, if you're tired of fighting battles with yourself, then change your mind." It seems to me that many of my generation *don't* change our mindset and we don't take active steps to change the situations that cause our sadness. It's almost like it has become fashionable to be dreary.

I suppose I find it fascinating because it's completely counter-intuitive to me. Wouldn't we all want to be happy? Wouldn't we fix the situation rather than medicate the symptom? Or is this perhaps just dramatics and we all know it?

A great new book--check it out!

A friend of mine wrote this. If you like a good laugh from a smart woman, check it out! It comes out October 9th.



Check it out on amazon.com, where you can pre-order it for a substantial discount. Here's the description: For the first 20 years of her life, all Nancy French knew of the world was Paris--Paris, Tennessee, that is. When the former homecoming queen trades in cow-tipping, big hair, and the Catfish Capital of the World for a new life in the Big Apple, she is in for a real education. With a keen sense of humor, French discusses everything from the South's obsession with church attendance to the blue-state notion that red staters think as slowly as they speak.

Please feel free to copy this html and put it on your own site! Let's spread the word and support Nancy!

Okay, a real post

I know I have posted anything real in awhile, sorry sorry! The hubby got into a car wreck on Monday and his car is drivable but pretty darn beat up. We are waiting on the assessor to come and figure out the damage to determine whether they will total it or fix it. We would rather fix it because another car payment is not that exciting.

Hubby's bday is coming up. He really, really doesn't want me to get him anything but I want to get him something! He especially doesn't want me to waste 3 dollars on a card because he will just throw it away. I am thinking of trying to get some Bruins tickets or something like that--something that will be a real treat for him. It would be even better if I told him he could take a guy to it instead of me; then he could drink beer and eat nachos with jalepenos to his heart's content. We will have to wait and see though. He can be really uptight about money so I don't want to spend "too much" even though he bought me a huge anniversary present. I just don't understand that man; he sees presents for me as "an investment" and presents for him as "a waste of money."

Chester is getting a bath today and he doesn't know it yet. He's enjoying having me home; I haven't been home much lately! As I am a real homebody this has been probably more stressful on me than on the dog. I just love being home and everything home-ish. I don't like being gone 7 am to 9:30 pm. The house is not clean enough and I haven't had time to do anything crafty lately.

Oh did I mention I now have a minimum hour-long commute? Superfun. Maggie suggested I find some books-on-cd and I may do that. Usually I flip around on the radio and sing really loudly to keep myself awake at 6:50 am. My xm radio works again and I have been meaning to plug it in in my car (but first I have to find it and put the magnetic antenna up). That has the best music. I wish I had a smaller version of it though; one the size of an Ipod that I could slip in to work and listen to while writing code. I would like an Ipod except for the work it takes to set up and purchase music lists--too much for me! I'd rather just listen to non-commercial radio. And now I also have to pay $210 in parking a month. I have offered to take over kitchen duty in exchange for the company's paying for my parking and the Executive Assistant perked up at this idea and said she'd forward it on to management right away. Apparently having the regular cleaning service also run the dishwasher, put away dishes, and wipe the counters once a day is really expensive. Even though I know it would be adding extra work to an already-hectic schedule, I would like to have that extra money every month.

And the ultra-top-secret news that you CANNOT tell anybody (for folks who actually know me) is that we quit with the birth control a few weeks ago. What's the sense in waiting until January? Obviously I'll post as soon as something comes of it.

My dad has not been feeling well and no, I don't want to talk about it, but there it is.

In better news, my birthday is coming up in November--that means only one month and a week until Birthday Month and a little more than that until Birthday Week. Woohoo!

Tonight we are going to Manchester to watch Renee's husband in the Ultimate Fighting competition at the Verizon arena. He is competing for the New England Middleweight championship. This is his last fight ever--he just turned 33 and he feels it's time to retire "because kids will be coming along soon." And of course he told me that about 30 minutes after Renee had been telling me she couldn't see kids coming along for at least 3-4 years...ha ha. They are too cute together. They really are a wonderful couple. I may make signs to take tonight; I'm gonna call her to ask if that's "done" and then I'll go to Walmart and buy the stuff to make them. I think we're going to try to be there in time to have dinner with Renee. She is really nervous for Leigh and wants him to win so badly so that he can go out with a real flair.

I guess that is it. I'm gonna go grab another half-cup of coffee and get ready to shower the dog. I have also been meaning to install my software for downloading/manipulating video files so I can start posting our videos to you-tube so I may do that.

Hope you all are having a great day.

My Office and My View Every Day

Hello out there!

I've been asked to update but things are just rather eh right now. The hubby got into a three-car wreck (got sandwiched between a car in front and an asphalt truck pulling a trailer from behind...the back of his Jeep is pretty smashed) and I've been out every evening for a week so I feel rather swamped. But tonight...tonight I'll be watching the Office and eating popcorn. I CANNOT WAIT! Right now though I've got to get back to work, so I'll leave you with this tear-jerker:



If anybody is going to be around during the Office, I am christy_re on yahoo messenger.

Sept 11th

Five years ago I was awoken by a phone call from my dad, who immediately asked if I had seen the news. I said, "No, Dad, you woke me up!" And I still recall his reply and I think I will until my dying day:

"Oh it's awful, it's just awful...(deep breath)...terrorists have attacked New York and Washington. The President is in a plane, they won't disclose his location, but he's alive. Our nation is under attack." He told me to stay in my dorm room until we figured more out, and that he had to call my brother to tell him.

I stumbled out of my bedroom in time to see the towers collapse on TV. I called my then-longtime-boyfriend who was from Long Island. He couldn't get in touch with his dad who worked in Rockefeller Center and his best friend worked in Tower 2. He had to get off the phone in case someone--anyone--called with news. He was beside himself with panic. I felt numb.

The campus was surreal. A lot of the Vanderbilt kids had parents who worked in the Twin Towers. People were hysterical, there was a huge phone bank in the student union for kids to try--and try--and TRY to reach family in New York. Counselors were bussed in from miles around. I didn't cry because I felt I didn't deserve to cry for those I didn't know.

A Sigma Chi who had just graduated died in the Towers. He sent an email before he died. The Sigma Chis hung their one-story-high flag from their building and put floodlights on it, and blared bagpipes funeral music for a whole two days. The frat brothers sobbed. Many other Vanderbilt recent alumni died that day. I wrote a prayer and gave it at the University-wide service. I don't remember much from that service because they played Adagio for Strings, which is what we played at Justin's memorial service, and I suddenly couldn't stop crying. I have never heard that song since he died and not cried. People thought I was sobbing for those who died in the Towers and I guess I was...I was crying for all who grieve, and all we've lost, and lives snuffed out too early. Suddenly I was surrounded by other people who had lost their best friends like I had. It was terrible.

My ex's dad walked all the way to Long Island in borrowed shoes where his exhausted wife picked him up, crying. His best friend happened to be late to work that day and got off the train just as the towers collapsed. He turned and ran. He made it home okay. What luck. My ex's home church lost over 200 people that day.

My roommate wanted to watch every piece of news coverage, almost like a drug. For me it was too close. A family friend was in the Towers too at a conference. He was in one of the lower stories and ran to safety. Others weren't so lucky. I still hate seeing the footage. In fact it makes me sick.

It's still really hard for me to process all of this. My dog's whimpering because I'm crying--"It's okay, Chester!" But really, it's not. They're still out there, and they're planning more. I just hope we stay one step ahead. And I admit, I still like the photo of the Statue of Liberty with her middle finger stuck high in the air, saying, "We're coming, motherfuckers!" I know it's wrong to feel vengeful but there it is.

My Celebrity Look-Alikes

I've been tagged!

Jule Ann has tagged me for a word association game. Here goes!

• aluminum - foil
  


• braid - hair
  


• claustrophobia - small rooms
  


• dumpling - gang
  


• elevator - up

Ouch, these are bad. I'm not very creative this morning! I haven't had my coffee yet. Today I am taking one of our pastors out to lunch at Cracker Barrel. She's never been there. Cracker B is a little bit of home here in the blue state of Mass, and I think she'll enjoy it! I just gave Chester a bath, too. I'm enjoying my day off. This afternoon will be spent doing chores so that this weekend I can focus on my husband.

I'm supposed to tag others to do a word association, so I tag Maggie.

• Kumquat
  


• Gobbledygook
  


• Lollygag
  


• Diphthong
  


• Masticate

Go!

Labor Day Blahs

I've been asked to update, so update I shall.

First, damn you, Aunt Flo. You are not welcome in my house.

Second, I'm lately frustrated with how MEAN Massachusetts people can be. I keep thinking I'm oversensitive but no, I'm not. People around here keep positive thoughts to themselves and anything negative has to be broadcast to the world. There is very little community, very little happiness anywhere near Boston and I struggle to insulate myself from it. It doesn't help that I'm a homebody at heart. I like warm fires, clean kitchens and fresh muffins. I want to sit at my computer and type from home after taking the dog on a walk around the lake. I don't like it when people are in my face, criticizing everything they can, and I don't like bullies. There are a lot of bullies around here. Boston's full of them, and it's pretty well-known. What a sad, pathetic way of life, you know? Blech! Sometimes I feel like I just want to shower off all the negativity with a good scrub and some fresh bath salts. It's so pervasive and it feels like poison to the soul. Perhaps a bath is what I need tonight, along with some positive thinking! Now I know why Paul spoke of a Christian warrior, with weapons like Scripture and the Spirit.

Third, we went to one of the strangest weddings I've ever been to last night. It was nearly two hours long and was a Methodist wedding that discussed GLBT's right to marriage in the OPENING LINE, then had Jewish, Buddhist, Islamic, and Christian blessings followed by a communion served by a rainbow-frocked priest to the tune of African drums and songs in an African language. There were only white liberals there. In fact, we were probably the odd ones out because we're conservatives. I'm really happy for the couple getting married--they're wonderful together--but MAN, that was a strange wedding to attend. I'm still chewing on it in my mind.

Fourth, I made a bumblebee-themed gazebo bird-house thing today with my friend Karen (from the Republican Women's group here in Boston, all 16 of us...). It was fun and the little house is a-dor-a-ble! We grabbed some lunch at Panera and came back and did our crafts and had tea and talked for hours. It was really nice. And now I have realized my new hobby is doing random crafty things for the nursery we're starting to put together. It's relaxing, creative, and productive. I feel like I'm actually taking pro-active steps toward Baby when in reality I'm just getting paint and hot glue all over my fingers.

This is what I made:














Fifth (who's really counting now?), the hubby and I cleaned out the front porch on Saturday and set up the laundry room as the office. It's not super-polished but it looks good, and I'm glad we did it. We also created a lot more space in the front porch to put our stuff when we finish the back porch.

Sixth (yeah, I'm still counting), I've been working on my cookng skills and they are vastly improved! I'm gonna start dinner here in a minute and start bugging the husband to do some tidying and/or dishes. He's been laying around reading his new sci-fi novels all day.

Finally, I have word that I may have some business thrown my way for editing and technical writing. I would love to get that going! It would give me peace of mind to know I'd be able to earn some money AND stay home instead of just assuming/hoping it'll happen.

I guess that's it. I'm off to make rosemary chicken with garlic potato wedges. If I screw up we'll order pizza.

Never Marry a Career Woman

I found this Forbes article very interesting. Check it out, then read the rest of my post.

First, I was disappointed that the female journalist chose to counter the male journalist's mounds of empirical evidence with anecdotal commentary. Just because she feels these things aren't true for her doesn't mean the studies were wrong in their widespread polls. Moreover, she points out how things are "better" in her marriage...than what? The implied "than" is a marriage in which one spouse stays home with children. She insinuates that this leads to marital dischord (as evidenced by preferring to sit by people other than the spouses at dinners?) and points out that unlike "other" couples, she and her husband enjoy their quality time more and work harder to stay in love with each other. Like I said, her anecdotal commentary isn't very convincing, which is disappointing. I wish she would have scrounged some statistics up, because without them, it looks like she's making it up. (I read a similar commentary in Parents magazine. In a letter to the editor, an angry mother wrote a response to the article on how toddlers should be kept at a healthy body weight through healthy snacks, exercise, and awareness on the part of the parent. It emphasized the fact that many parents delude themselves into thinking their toddlers are healthy when they're really quite overweight--and how this can affect the kid for years to come. Well, the angry mother's toddler was rather husky, and she didn't think he was fat, so the whole article must be wrong!)

Back to the Forbes article at hand. I'm troubled by some of these statistics, as you'll notice they imply that well-educated women, whether they have careers or stay home, are destined to be less happy than their high-school-educated peers. Well, crap. I hope that isn't true. BUT, if it is, I have a possible reason why. I think college-educated people are more likely to fall into the spiritual trap of materialism and success. The reasons for this are not necessary a lack of virtue--instead, it is perhaps a temperament thing.

Let me explain by describing a conversation the husband and I had yesterday. I've realized lately that I have had a lifetime habit of seeing what is "successful" and achieving it, come hell or high water. Read 500 books a summer? No problem! Varsity tennis, varsity volleyball, local community theatre, top band and choir, state choir, local youth symphony, and more while maintaining a 4.0 even taking every honors class and college course available? You got it! This desire to be the best, the most accomplished, the most enviable is part of what led me to Vanderbilt and later to Harvard. And shocker of shockers, it has led me to hope I could make it work in the corporate sector. Wealth is, at my age, the new frontier, and my gut reaction is to conquer it!

But at this point I had to put on the brakes. Did I ever stop to examine whether I really *wanted* to achieve these goals? Nah, not really. I wanted success, I wanted honor, I wanted to be better than all my peers. I fall prey to whatever is successful, materialism included, perhaps because it is in my very temperament. Why else did I work three years and take out massive student loans to slap "Harvard" on my already-impressive pedigree? Spiritually, this is bad. Swallowing my pride is one of the most difficult things for me to do, and engaging in humble acts is painful for me. This is not good. There's absolutely no room for what God wants in this attitude.

Had I not put on the brakes, I could see this taking me down a very dangerous road. Let's call that road the "Restoration Hardware" road. Do I really need a 100 dollar toilet paper holder? Nope. Does it really look different from the 15-dollar one at Lowe's? Nope--except to the trained eye (and this trained eye is not God's eye). As tempting as Restoration Hardware is, if I were to shop there it would be to impress certain people with my success, and that's not how I should be spending my money. I should be spending my money on God, family, community, and charity, not toilet paper holders. It's a matter of priority, and college-educated women like me may fall prey to the evil temptations of pride and desire for success. Dedication to worldly honor was what has driven us thus far, and if we don't stop to think through it, we may continue to ignore God's viewpoint.

But I digress--back to the article. The last point I wanted to make was about the state of homes with working women. What makes this a conundrum is the fact that many women still feel pressure to have Better Homes and Gardens-style homes while working 50 hours a week, shuttling their kids around, maintaining a happy marriage, and maintaining their precious beauty? Is this really possible? I don't think so--something's gotta give. And whatever that "something" is, a woman's likely to feel frustrated about it. All too often it's the relationships with the kids or husband, and this leads to divorce. You can't pay a maid service to listen to your husband talk about his day, and no nanny truly substitutes for time with Mom. Perhaps many women have found out the hard way that you can't have it all--just as men have discovered. I'm feeling this pain now, as I feel pressure to have a spotless home while working 45 hours, commuting up to 2 hours a day, spending time with the dog, talking with the husband, and staying well-read so as to be an interesting person. I haven't even had time for exercise! I can't imagine throwing children to the mix, much less keep this schedule up for long. It's exhausting, and it's taking a toll on our marriage even now. We work hard to overcome it, but I can't imagine working hard to overcome it for the next 40 years until retirement.

How, exactly, do you put a marriage and family first in such a demanding world? Is not being a career woman the ticket, or is it something else? I'd love to hear some thoughts.

Now I know why

Tuesdays suck.

I just received the obituary of one of my sorority sisters. She died Saturday in a car wreck in Memphis.

It's awkward receiving news like this at work.

Tuesdays are Poo-days!

From an email to AutumnAdytum, in an effort to cut down on rewriting and get back to work, as it IS the end of my lunch break in a couple of minutes...

Tonight we're going out to the North End and getting dinner at Dolce Vita (fancy italian restaurant) and then Mike's Pastry for cannolis. I am going with the rest of the marketing dept as a goodbye to a few of our staff who are leaving. And dinner is covered by the company! Woo!

Tuesdays normally suck. I am definitely cranky and am trying to find things to be cranky about but besides the lack of sleep I'm okay. Dammit. Way to ruin a perfectly good bad mood! And then I'll get stuffed with cannolis...what's a girl to do on a Tuesday? I guess I'll have fun, but I don't have to be *happy* about it! :)

I was reading Billy Graham Sunday night and the book was overall very good. But the husband and I had a disagreement about the timeline for dishes--which was totally minor--and then I read a chapter on death and how we should look on the death of a Christian as a release into a better life, and next thing you know the husband is coming in from washing dishes and I burst into tears because I had just finished the chapter and he was like, "I'm sorry! I'll go do more dishes! I'm sorry! Don't cry!" Ha ha ha. I didn't milk it; I told him I was reading about funerals and he put my book away and came to bed and we read fiction together.

Theological Reflection

Last night the husband and I were at dinner, trying to think of *something* to talk about besides babies, and the conversation switched to our faith. After thought, I declared, "You know, I feel like we're living in Patmos."
"Patmos?" He replied.
"Yes, we definitely live in Patmos."
"No, we don't."
"We don't?" I incredulously asked.
(laughing) "No, honey, we live in BABYLON."

Touche, dear husband, touche. We are in the belly of the beast, trying to keep the flame of faith alive in an uncompromisingly spiritually devoid place. When I first moved to Cambridge, the city seemed to exist in shades of gray. After a few months, I realized, "This city has turned its back on God." There is an ethos here that rejects what is good, what is right, what is healthy in the name of militant individualism. We have made a god of secularism, of hippies, of "alternative" and "progressive" thought. Ann Coulter was right--liberalism can be a religion, complete with mantra, dogma, and consequences. Even the origin and afterlife are explained by Darwinism and atheism.

Now that we live in the suburbs, it's not quite as strong, but it is still painfully present. Our home often feels like an outpost, and I spend so much time in defense mode that I rarely nuture my faith. Those who defend their farms against constant attack rarely have time to till and harvest, and I have been struggling so hard to keep what I have that I haven't grown in faith. I wonder sometimes how Christians felt before the fall of Rome, when good sense had gone the way of the wind and self-indulgence was law. Did they feel isolated too?

In better news, I have figured out a way to try to work from home. I'm going to try to drum up some business in editing, as I'm really good at it, enjoy it, and get paid to do it already. Here's the site I've developed. If you know any college/grad students or authors, point them my way! The husband and I are thinking that we'll begin trying to conceive this winter, barring unforeseen problems. I really hate that we've had to put it off.

And in still better news, the husband also had a long talk with his boss about promotions. It looks like in order to fast-track him, we'll have to leave in two and a half years to go to the next council. Darn! And I was SO hoping to stay. This is great news because if we leave in 2.5 years we'll 1) get a cheaper house, 2) he'll get bigger raises more often, and 3) well, we'll get to leave. The first two things also mean we'll be able to afford more kids while I stay home. Woohoo! I realize this is all in the future, but I am pleased that it looks like our rock-and-a-hard-place conundrum is temporary.

I think we're going to tidy the house (haven't done dishes in a week!) and then go for a hike. It'll be great! Chester would be excited if we'd say the word "walk," but we've been putting it off because we don't want him to go bonkers an hour before it's time to go.

Ooo, ooo, will I say it? "Chester, do you wanna go for a walk? You DO??" Hee hee.

New Living Room Color

You'll have to excuse the terribly messy coffee table and left-out sliders; the husband JUST finished the room today so we had pizza-and-movie night. He hates my constant tidying so I'm laying off for the evening.

The thing to the right is the entertainment center; it fits neatly up against the wall. The room really does feel bigger but still pretty pulled-together. With the plain white walls of the base, the room felt really disjointed, but the gold in the walls and the gold in the furniture makes the whole room feel very warm. I think once we have our white oak floors, this room might feel really nice! Here's hoping anyway.

I have started an effort--however small--to drum up some funds via editing (for academia, print, and Web). (Yes, Web is capitalized when not used as an adjective!) Should you or *anyone* you know need anything edited, let me know! I'm hoping to turn this into a job I could do from a home office part-time once we have kids. Here's the site I've begun. Don't be shy, tell a friend!

Speaking of kids, why is it that our liberated ideal of womanhood has morphed into, well, being a man? Monogamy, raising kids, wearing skirts, keeping the family ties...these things are all "old fashioned" it seems. Nowadays we're supposed to wear suits, put the kids in daycare from 7-6 (where they are mostly kept fed and entertained, but not necessarily nurtured), and gosh, I don't know any "modern" woman who puts family first. I find myself in the Yale girls camp--remember that hullabaloo last year? Most Yale co-eds said they'd choose to be stay-at-home-mothers while their kids were young, and feminists went bonkers saying how much my generation has regressed. Am I backwards for not wanting to be a man or fulfill male ideals? What made the masculine approach the better one? That seems like the real sexism to me. Okay, rant is over.

The husband asked me to go back on coffee, as I miss it so much and there's less pep in my step. I've had two cups since this weekend and, well, the thrill is gone. The thrill is gone away...but now I know that I can heartily enjoy a cup of hazelnut java without craving a coffee drip every morning. Very small news, I know.

Work is still going fine; lately I've been working on some email copy and new graphics for the new java site structure. My supervisor has gone round and round with the team in the UK and I can see why he's frustrated. The more I do this job, the more I realize how frustrating bureaucracy can be! He handles it well, though, and I enjoy working under him. The department head is really easy to work with, too. In fact, I like everybody at my office for different reasons, but I think those in my department are teaching me more than the rest. My major contribution to the department (beyond my internet marketing bit) is to be the grammar checker for everyone. Well, it's more than just grammar--it's style, content, fact-checking, the whole bit. Who loves details? Oooh, oooh, ME!!!!!

It's time for bed so I'm off.

Weekend Update

Well, it has been requested that I update, and I confess I don't have much news. The wedding photos are on their way and we've been painting the living room this weekend. We're going with a cream-and-goldish Tuscan Accents and it has struck me that perhaps we should switch the couch and the loveseat to make the room feel more open. We also painted the ceiling and it looks SO much better. Of course, with the white walls (the base of the Tuscan Accents), the carpet looks awful. It really is stained everywhere. We're getting our white oak floors installed in October--woohoo! All we have to do is spruce up the fireplace and our living room will be finished. I plan to post pictures as we go.

I just read We're Pregnant this afternoon. What a roller coaster!!! I laughed, I cried, and I swear I felt like I had given birth by the end. I have such awful baby fever; it's really getting frustrating. The husband still says we'll try this spring because my vacation days will renew and I'll be able to make it to all my doctors' appointments. My vote is this winter. We'll see how the house is going, I suppose.

The husband and I have had some talks recently--he keeps trying to get me excited about B-school--and honestly, it's not fully working. Talking about something that I *kind-of* want while putting off what I *really* want makes me feel like what I *really* want will never happen. Added to that is the fact that I've only committed to think about B-school this spring--I'm still not sold on going. I am honestly still deciding whether the corporate life is for me. The alternative would be to try to have a small business of my own--probably in internet marketing--that would pay small bills while I raise my kids. We say we want four and I just don't see how we're going to have four and have me work full time. What's the point if you're just going to stick them in daycare and after-school care?

As Autumnadytum pointed out, my husband's expectations and mine aren't quite jiving. He never expected to have a stay-at-home wife/mother and I never expected to have to work while the kids were young. I wonder who will win? I don't have any major beef with daycare but I don't relish the idea. I want to raise my own kids. Does this make me closed-minded? Is this an implicit slam on those who put their kids in daycare? I hope not--I don't mean it as such. Am I wasting my Harvard/Vanderbilt education? Maybe, but I also feel like life is more than showing off degrees. There's a deeper side to existence that involves my number one priority--family. Additionally, the fact of the matter is that it's just *not that easy* for me to have a real job while my husband is a career Boy Scout Executive. He's gone in the evenings and random weekends so much that when I work 8-6, I rarely see him. I want to stay home to be with the kids, pick up the slack, and work out of a home office. I want to have a real family, and if we constantly miss each other day-to-day...well, it's just not worth it (having my own corporate career). So these are thoughts that are swimming around in my head. If anybody has any advice or even just thoughts, please add a comment and share. If you have found a balance between bills, kids, and a husband's erratic schedule, would you tell me how you did it?

The husband is really hungry so it's off to the grocery we go, then back to do our final layer of Tuscan gold. I'll post pix once I have them.

Rehearsal Dinner and Shrimp

Yesterday I took a half-day off work to come home and get ready for a rehearsal dinner in Ipswich. I also went to get a manicure and pedicure--something I haven't done in over a year. It is such a frivolous luxury!!! But, I'll be in the wedding, so I felt perhaps it was justified. Added to that is the fact that the husband has been demanding that I do it for a few months now. The toes are a sort of red/fuschia and the fingers are french manicured. I am TOO cute now!

Then we got ready and went to the rehearsal. Anybody else ever try on dresses and say, "What the heck happened here?" My rear fits, my waist fits, but my chest no longer fits. I ended up wearing the same dress that I wore to my rehearsal dinner last year.

We arrived 40 minutes early because I got confused and assumed that the rehearsal began at 6--so we showed up at 5:50. Don't ALL rehearsals start at six? I know they don't, but MINE did, and therein laid my confusion. Luckily the rehearsal was at a restaurant and the surprised wait staff (previously lounging in chairs) jumped up and served us drinks. When we figured out what we had done we all had a good laugh about it.

After the rehearsal but before the dinner we were all having cocktails, cheese, and crackers. We got to talking about food allergies and I noted our honeymoon fiasco, then remembered that shrimp was on the menu *somewhere* that night. Against the husband's embarrassed protestations I caught the attention of a waiter and explained that no shrimp--none!--could touch the husband's plate and that none of the cookware could have had touched shrimp at all. Even though he had ordered the stuffed lobster, I thought there's always a chance something could go wrong. I said I had mentioned this on the reply card but for everyone's sake I wanted to let them know again and I hoped this wouldn't be a problem. The waiter, grateful to have heads-up on a potential crisis, thanked me and scooted off to the kitchen to tell the chef. Then we sat down to dinner. During the salad course, that same waiter came over to us and said, "I'm so glad you told me...because the stuffed lobster is stuffed with shrimp. We've saved one lobster that we can just boil and give to you, or would you rather have the beef or chicken?" The husband chose the boiled lobster, sans shrimp, and ate every last bite.

On the way home he admitted he was glad I had grabbed a waiter. I replied, "Yes, because then you would have had to send the lobster back and ask for something else and that's so embarrassing." He said, "No, honey, I would have eaten it without realizing it and would have stopped halfway through when I could no longer feel my tongue." Then off to the emergency care we would have gone.

Sometimes it's good to be over-cautious. And now I have a big morning of chores ahead of me before we leave here at two for one of the most beautiful weddings in history!!! I'll post pictures later.

Realization

I realized today as I was driving to work that my new standard exercise has been whittled down to walking to/from the car and going up/down the two flights of stairs to my office. Not only that, but I have begun to snack on whatever sweet is available--cookies, snickers, kit kats, twix, what have you. No WONDER I'm not losing weight, even with eating salads!!!! D'oh! So, back to Fitday.com I go. The high temperature for today is 100 so I'm not certain I'll get exercise in, but at the very least I need to start watching what I eat.

No deep thoughts today. I've been sending up lots of prayers for friends lately. Yesterday was a pretty blech day and I'm hoping today will be better, but I'm pretty tired and I'm not sure I'll get enthused at any point. Oh well--it IS Wednesday.

Yet another storm

And this time, it downed a tree and knocked the power lines down and I had to park in the neighbors' driveway because our whole half of the street was blocked by knee-level wires. I ducked under where it was five feet high to get in the house. The "guys," whoever they are, are working on it now. I heard chain saws about half an hour ago.

The dog was panicking during the enormous storm...and when I took him to the bedroom to snuggle and insulate ourselves from scary sounds, he quickly moved to this position:

He only poked his head to plead with me, "Make it stop!" The rest of the time, all I could see was a little black nose behind the bed skirt.

Job's still going great; I really enjoy it. Hubby comes back tomorrow--woohoo! I hate it when he's gone. I'll clean up tomorrow morning.

I've been watching My Big Fat Greek wedding and feel homesick for my own family. There won't be a big family event for awhile...well, my cousin's birthday is a shindig in September. He turns one. He's my first cousin once removed? Anyway, everybody's coming in town for that. If my mom goes I might ask if my parents would fly me to Cinci to go too. I hate being stuck away from everybody here in Boston.

Oops, hubby on the phone, gotta go.

My Boring Life

So, I realized today that I don't have much of an interesting life. I don't even have groups on livejournal that I can join except for the clucky board, of which I'm already a member! The clucky board is for women who want kids but have to wait...boy, that's me. I daydream about having an accident, I really do. I would curse my bank account but I realize I have it better than some do, so I should let it be. But really, sometimes I wish I could be the irresponsible one for once!!! Who cares about dumb ole debt? Right? Not quite. Since the hubby is gone, I can't shoot for an accident, which is probably for the best.

The hubby is only having a medium-fun time with his troop at camp. Since he's the only DE there (and he's not actually taking time off work--he's answering phone calls and such the entire week), he doesn't have the luxury of letting "someone else" handle problems. For example, the section of camp they were in became overcrowded so he had to pack up his tent and move across camp. But, like he said, it's better that he have to do this kind of stuff than a volunteer.

Work was pretty bland today; I spent the whole day looking at Excel spreadsheets and I feel like a zombie now. I didn't sleep well last night so I'm pretty exhausted now. I rented the new Pride and Prejudice over the weekend and I'll pop it in soon and snuggle the dog. I put french onion soup into the oven and it's starting to smell lovely.

Last night our softball team won our game and then we went out for pizza. It was really good and was fun. Tomorrow I'm going downtown for makeup shopping with a friend from work. It is so hard to meet people in Boston and I'm glad I have a friend in my coworker. And it's turning out that we're not going to be "work friends" but "hang out and do stuff and have lunch" friends. I think I'm going to have better luck making friends in the "real world" than I did at Harvard. I mean there, I would try to make friends, only to quit once I realized that the other person was flying in from Planet Militant Marxism. I think in business there are more capitalists, which is a great start for a friendship!

Incidentally, while I have been productive since the hubby has been gone, I haven't been half as productive as I planned because I've agreed to after-work activities simply so I wouldn't have to go to an empty house. I suppose that is the way things go.

My dad's pretty sick again, and no, I don't really want to talk about it. I just thought I'd give the update.

Oh, Nancy French's book is now available for pre-order! I can't wait to read it. Check out her blog (link to the side) for an entry on it. Woohoo!

I hate being alone for a week. Perhaps my Jane Austen movie will make the melancholy less acute.

Photos of the Front Steps and a Sunday Update

Well, it's Sunday, and I'm (gasp!) skipping church. The husband had to go to camp with his little troop so he was getting ready and leaving about the time church began. I didn't want to miss seeing him off.

I have been almost looking forward to his being gone--not because of *him*, but because there are all sorts of cleaning projects around the house I've been dying to do. This week I'll be so bored that I'll actually DO those projects! They're all fairly small but irritating--things like scrubbing the tub, hemming pants, tidying the laundry room, cleaning the kitchen table, organizing my clothes and putting the sweaters in the chest...very, very dull week ahead of me, but once it's over, it'll feel SO good!!! Last week we did a lot of work on the outside of the house and it made a huge difference. Here are the before and after pix:
BEFORE:















AFTER:















This week I want to do the inside, and since the hubby won't be around to distract me, I hope to get a lot done. I will miss him a lot though. I'm going to channel that energy into cleaning.

Yesterday we went to the Museum of Science downtown and had a good time. The OmniTheatre was showing a movie on ancient Greece and that was absolutely worth seeing! Hubby kept having to shut his eyes because of motion sickness but I thought it was great.

On the way home we were discussing how our lives have changed, and we realized that we've both had to streamline our lives significantly. This was not actually done from choice (at least originally)--we both tried to live more open lives with friends in and out all the time, but found that being young and married made us so different that that lifestyle wouldn't work. We simply don't fit in with the folks our age nor do we fit in with other marrieds (who are all older). So, our course of action has been to concentrate on our careers, our home, and our marriage while keeping in touch with true friends who live far away. On one hand, this disappoints me (not having loads of local friends to hang out with), but on the other hand, there have been unforeseen benefits. For example, we are pretty clear-headed about our long-term goals and we are intentional about our choices. Perhaps it's a toss-up. This entire conversation came about because I mentioned that I wished we were the type of couple who retired to the patio after a long day of work for a glass of wine with some friends. (Does any American really do that anyway? The Greeks in the movie made it look so easy...) I think in my imagination, getting a lot of these nagging chores done will make my return home after work more relaxing. When I don't have things hanging over my head, I feel so much more free. (Free to do what? Ummm, walk the dog? But that's not the point.)

One thing I'm becoming more and more clear-headed about is that I will likely apply to business school in a year. We've done a lot of thinking about how we want our lives to go--and what lifestyle we want to live--and it looks like I'll have a lot more freedom with an MBA than without one. Oh, and for those of you who are wondering "what happened to having a baby?," I'm going to be shamelessly honest and say we realized we can't afford it right now. With our student loans, every month I don't work we'd go in the hole at least 1k--not counting baby expenses. We have some savings but not that much. When the hubby said he was up for having a baby now, I thought he meant for me to stay home permanently, and he meant that I could stay home for the paid maternity leave and then go back to work. Well, we all know how expensive day care can be, and even if I did continue working, we'd likely be living paycheck to paycheck after baby and daycare expenses. By waiting a bit and getting some things paid off, we'll be in a much better place when we have a baby. This was not an easy or fun realization but I'm going with it for now.

In terms of the house, we have some upcoming large expenses we didn't expect, and we're a little frustrated about a few of them. However, they must be done, and we're grateful we both have steady work to pay for them.

Oh, goodness gracious, I JUST remembered that I have an important meeting today at 4:30. Good thing I didn't forget that!!!! Whew!

Well, I'd better throw on some work clothes and get a move on.

Friday Morning

I've been told I need to update, but I don't have much to say. This week I've not been sleeping well and thus have been uncharacteristically tired every day. Last night I played in my company's softball game (a playoff game!) and we won by a run at the end. I am *terrible* at softball, so of course I embarrassed myself sufficiently during the course of the game. I also made a couple of good plays--as in two decent throws at important times--and my quick little legs got a run. I was on second and the batter got a ground hit, and as I was running to third base, the third base coach saw my speed and said, "If you hurry I think you can make it!" And I did make it by a good four feet. High fives all around!

Nothing much else is happening. I feel like I'm behind on absolutely everything, but I hope to fix that next week when the husband will be at camp. These are really boring things like hemming pants, taking suits to the cleaners, doing laundry...fun, I know.

Okay, we have an office-wide meeting in 8 minutes and I want to get a good seat. I wish Matt's girlfriend would bake cookies for him to bring again.

Saturday Morning

Is there anything better than a reasonably-clean house and a newly-stocked fridge? Well, yes, I'm sure there are better things, but for the time being, I'm enjoying the feeling. It really reminds me how blessed we are; so many people don't have the option of going to the grocery and bringing home a wide array of nutritious foods. We have friends who just moved back to South Africa to do AIDs Christian ministry, and I know that many of the folks they minister to will not have a house and a stocked fridge like we get to enjoy today. Perhaps this is a small blessing in life--and you might think it's meaningless--but I am grateful for it.

Today I'm going to be doing yard work. My husband will be at the camp in NH for a meeting and will come back around 3. Then it'll be time for our friends' housewarming party--how exciting! This is probably the best friend I have in Boston, and a little over a year ago she met the man she is marrying in a few weeks and immediately fell madly in love. A week into it, she knew--and, given our history, I understood! I had the sorrow of watching her move to NH to be with him, but the joy of knowing how happy she was. I'm singing in their wedding, and I get to sing the song that was "our song" to which we danced our first dance as husband and wife.

I've been keeping up with dieting pretty well, and I feel better. Go me! Today's weeding should burn some calories. I'm going to take a before picture so that the after will look that much better. It's pretty awful right now, as you might guess. All this Boston rain has led to a jungle instead of a front porch. I'll fix that!

Well, time to surf others' blogs. Hope your Saturdays are great too!

Thanks, Renee

Thanks for alerting me, Renee. I don't know what to do about the photo except acknowledge that some people are just jerks and use slander instead of discussion.
Let me know if you have other suggestions.

It's Been Awhile

I've been told I need to update, and I agree that it has been awhile since I've written. Last week I was in Colorado on vacation, woohoo! I went hiking and fishing and even went skeet shooting. Nothing much happened while I was there; I got a sunburn on my knees and watched a great parade on July 4. Other than that...ate a lot of food, read books, relaxed...yep, that's about it.

And that brings me to this: today is the day of my new Get in Shape Girl program. I tried to begin before vacation but didn't keep it up during vacation so I'm trying again. I have joined the Presidential Fitness thing and I have to work out at least 30 minutes, 5 times a week for 6-8 weeks and I'll get a medal (probably an e-medal). Go me! I ran on the treadmill tonight, 2.2 miles, and did lots of situps, pushups, and leg lifts. It wasn't easy, and it wasn't pretty, but I feel good that I can still do it. I wonder how long it'll take me before I'm actually back in shape. I'm also setting a goal of eating salad every day this week for lunch. We don't own a scale so I'll just have to go on how my pants fit. Speaking of that, I need to hem a pair tonight to wear tomorrow.

It has just occured to me that this blog post is terribly uninteresting. Sorry.

I got a new computer at work. TWO monitors! Woohoo! I love it. Work was pretty slow today but eh, oh well. It was just slow beause I was waiting on other people.

I have been off coffee for nearly a month now, and every day is still a struggle. Will it ever get easier? I guess old habits are hard to break. I still love the smell of coffee in the mornings and every Starbucks I pass is a tempting stop-off.

Well, I'm off to hem my pants. Sorry this isn't more interesting; I'll write more stuff later.

Conclusion

I have been chewing on the fight within the UMC for quite awhile. This fight has been going on for decades and at the heart of it lies the question, "Are we called to recognize and repent from sin or are we called not to judge?" As you might imagine, the two sides have two very different implications, and for a long time, the latter has been more persuasive to me because, well, it's sexier. When we're called not to judge, there is an implicit attitude that whether or not sin exists, we shouldn't judge it, shouldn't name it, and therefore shouldn't expect others to repent of it. This easily transitions from "others" to the self, and we cease to view Jesus as a salvific figure and instead choose to view him as that beer-run buddy who doesn't give two hoots what we did with whom last night.

But now...now I see that this is false, full of a fool's arrogance.

To recognize sin as given to us in Scripture is not to judge the person who commits the sin. Even Jesus commanded healed persons, "Go and sin no more." We are called to a sanctified, continually purified lifestyle, not one of degredation and moral relativity. Jesus is our friend, sure, but he's a real friend, not the beer-run buddy we imagine him to be. We reduce him to a gross misrepresentation of his true self when we assume he'd sit quietly in a group therapy session, affirming everyone. Jesus, instead, is the truth-teller, the one who sees through the lies and half-truths, the one who demands that we respect him enough to be honest with ourselves and accountable to God. We should appreciate this about him.

Perhaps this new understanding has been brought about by a recent friendship's end, a friendship in which I was expected to be supportive (but not too supportive, otherwise I was pressuring) and positive (unless the friend wanted me to agree with her negativity). I began to realize that there was no room for ME, no room for my opinions or attitudes toward life. I chose to end the friendship because continuing it was an exercise in futility, and perhaps it was then that I realized we often put Jesus in the same spot when we accept his Grace but not the responsibilities entailed, when we accept the offering of salvation without the necessary truth, when we force him to be what makes us feel good about ourselves.

We are unfair to him when we refuse to name and repent from our sins. We are dishonest with other Christians when we pretend to condone that which God has laid down as sinful. And, perhaps, we are simply lying to ourselves. Acknowledging truth that already exists is different from judging the entirety of a person--only God can do that. What we see in part, God sees in whole. But should we be unwilling to care for and correct the part because we do not see the whole? We do not hesistate to correct a child who is hurting another child simply because we are not the parent, and neither should we hesitate to rebuke sinful behaviour of another simply because we are not the heavenly parent. Only God can judge a person, but we can recognize and rebuke sin--in fact our repenting of sins and God's judgment are meant to go hand-in-hand. When we repent of our sins, God's judgment is mercy itself. When we insist we are free from sin, we through salt into Jesus' wounds and win no mercy from God.

Great Weekend

Yep, that's right, my weekend was great. KC was sunny and had a light breeze--such perfect weather that every possible moment, I was sitting out on the back patio with a book, sunglasses, and whatever dog would come out with me. Love-ly! The Royals game went well and I "sang" beautifully (even though I recorded it over a week ago). Everyone thought it was great and told me so. It was quite a moment for the ego of a woman who "used to sing" but no longer does. I guess I still got it. It's a bit similar to the feeling of fitting into the pants you were CONVINCED you had grown out of, which I also did last week.

Speaking of fitting into pants, my husband and I have begun something of a get in shape program, though there's really no program and we're not working out at the same time. Nor do we weigh ourselves, take measurements, or set goals. It basically consists of committing to jogging on the treadmill at least four times a week and sticking to a more nutritious, healthy diet. I am in better shape than my husband and lately he has been really bothered by his weight gain since we met. I've been concerned about mine, too, but perhaps because women are supposed to have curves, I have been able to laugh mine off more. I wish I could figure out a way to support him without making him feel overweight, but so far it seems that just encouraging him without being pushy is going okay. I think when he starts making progress I'll be sure to notice, but until then, there's not much to say.

So, I just jogged/powerwalked two miles, took a shower, and now I'm making some plain pasta for dinner. We're out of pretty well everything grocery-wise, and we don't want to stock up too much because Friday night we're headed for a vacation in Colorado. We'll hike, fish, and generally stay outside and stay healthy as much as possible. We REALLY need a vacation!!!! Boy are we ever ready.

Guess that's all the news. I had some thoughts earlier but I've forgotten them. I think I'll grab my book to read during dinner, as hubby is out at a meeting until 9.

It's Official!

Today I got the news that I've been hired on for good in the role I've been doing. Same pay, better hours, and I actually enjoy it! Amazing, really, how events unfolded. I'm quite pleased with it all. I have been getting to know my real boss this week (last week he was out of town and I was reporting directly to his supervisor) and he's great. I really like working with him. The official email to the office was sent out today and I got notes of congratulations from folks all over the country. Everyone seems pleased and so am I.

Speaking of being pleased, I think I must have the best husband in the world. He is so thoughtful and bought me a fancy pair of earrings for our anniversary! I've wanted earrings like this for a long time, and he spent the morning driving around, looking at them and choosing a pair. He bought the pair this afternoon and gave them to me when I got home. I am wearing them now and I'm SO pretty! I love them. Oh, and he made it a point to tell me all the ways in which I deserve such a beautiful, indulgent gift, pointing out all the things I've done well or been good at this last year. Now I feel guilty that all I did was take him out for Mexican food! :)

So, things are good, and tomorrow night we're flying to KC and I'm singing the national anthem on Saturday night at the Royals game. Yay! Right now I'm going to go pack.

Confession

I have a confession.

I got to reading so much about the perils of pregnancy that I scared myself witless and began another round of birth control on Thursday. My husband feels very relaxed about it but agreed that if I were nervous, waiting a month wouldn't be much of a bother. Plus, we've agreed that we're going to read, "We're Pregnant," a book written during the duration of a pregnancy by a happily married couple. Perhaps we need a bit more time to think and talk about not just having a baby--which we know we could do--but the responsibility of raising a person. Eh, in any case, it's only a month. Also, we had done the math and found that we were not, in fact, going to be able to have me stay home for more than a few months. Frustrating! There are many options, however, and the one I like the most would be for me to go into business for myself. In my current position at work (web content specialist, a job that I'm finding to be super-fun), I write copy for the web and for other promotional material, do web layout, interview people, and more. It is so great, and it's something that I could do from home and simply contract out. A woman at work does that--in fact she contracts out part of her week to my company. She said it's a great job to do from home and referred me to the websites of some of her mentors--many of whom are mothers themselves. So I am taking the time to look at this and possibly drum up some business on the side--not for competitors, of course, but local churches or something. I also can do web design. As you can tell, there's a lot to think about. And to be honest, every month of work adds a considerable amount to the bank account, money that we're putting toward our most pressing loans. Every month that I work means two months longer that I could stay home with the baby without working. THAT is a real impetus.

So, now that I don't hate my job, I am indulging my inquisitive side and using the time to educate myself on exactly what I will be going through. My husband is doing so also. Plus, we're fixing up the house as quickly as possible (once I'm pregnant, I really shouldn't be around fumes). So...that's my confession.

As an aside, I really do enjoy this position at work, and I'm great at it so far. This week I get to learn Dreamweaver and I'm teaching myself html programming. After I master most of html (the basics), I'll begin css.

Today is our first anniversary--yay! We had soooo much fun yesterday. We went to the zoo downtown and they had Baby Day, where they had a bunch of activities for kids and all the baby animals on display. My favorite was the baby giraffe. Then we went to the mall and walked around, and after that we came back and made cheese fondue, drank a bottle of champagne, and watched the Pink Panther. And today we played bells in church and went out for nachos and margaritas. Now we're tidying the house and are going to put up our new kitchen fan (it's above 90 today!) because we don't have air conditioning and we have dinner guests coming over at six. We're feeling fat and happy, and ever so much in love. A year ago I would have told you I never could have loved my husband more than I did then, but I do. It is a real blessing in the changing sands of time to feel your infatuation and deep respect for a person grow. It's not just love, it's...intoxicating dedication. Is there anything better than coming home every night to the love of your life? I am so blessed.

Latest Fears

So as I was waiting for my husband to come to bed last night, my latest fear hit me. I've been reading through my pregnancy book, confused about how exactly women SURVIVE this, and I realized that my biggest fear is that my marriage will take a turn for the worse once we add a child to the mix. How realistic is this? Is this a common fear? I don't mind some stress, but I do mind total annihilation.

On a more metaphysical note, I think I will try to track my feelings and thoughts during the pregnancy. Perhaps I can continue my senior thesis habit of writing devotionals throughout my pregnancy, and maybe something will come of it. I've picked out a journal online, though I realize I'll likely end up typing most of it.

Even more updates

I really have had the strangest week. In terms of a job, I ended up staying at work Wednesday after my interview doing projects all day as a trial run. They were impressed with my work and I actually had FUN doing it! So then it turned out they wanted to keep me on as an employee, if anything just so that they wouldn't have to redo paperwork if they chose me for this position, so I got paid time off for Thursday and Friday. The latest update on the job front is that they want me to come in Monday, get to know the rest of the team better, and do more projects (as a paid employee). I figure hey, why not? It will give me time to see if I like it and it'll give them time to see if they like me as much as they think they do.

Graduation was pretty fun. We were in mud up to our ankles--typical Ivy League! Of course they hadn't much prepared for it and weren't apologetic about it. We sat in the rain for hours. My husband and I got our picture taken a bunch because, in an effort to be festive, we put "NEWLY" on his mortar board and "WEDS" on mine. Sitting together, our hats said NEWLYWEDS, and people thought we were a hoot. The University newspaper, the Div school paper, and others came and got our names and such. Fun! Then we had an incredible dinner at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse--yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I had filet mignon, a baked potato, calamari, bread, wine, creme brulee, and coffee. I thought I was going to pop a button off my pants by the end! We had a private dining room because there were so many of us and it was absolutely lovely. I don't think I've enjoyed myself that much in months.

Yesterday I met up with my husband's family and we went for a nice long lunch at Legal Seafood, then walked around Quincy Market, Faneuil Hall, back to the Commons, Prudential, and finally went to the Red Sox game at Fenway. It was great! My mom and brother met us for the Sox game so we had a big line of folks there. It only began raining at the very end--last inning and a half. I had bought a green Sox cap so the rain didn't bother me.

I have to say that it's still strange to have tourists running amok in "my" city--and it's also weird to know that this is now "my" city. I never expected to settle in Boston, but here we are, homeowners, and I think that means we can claim it.

I've been reading that book on pregnancy and I wonder, with all the symptoms that pregnant women have, will I be able to work during the pregnancy???

Update

I feel I must go ahead and update you all and tell you about my day. It was a bit weird as days go. First off, when I arrived at work this morning, knowing I had NO phone calls and just a full day of training ahead of me, I had an overwhelming sense that it was wrong to know I didn't want to stay in this training program and not be honest with my supervisor. The thought of continuing to keep my big trap shut nearly made me sick to my stomach, so I quickly called my husband, cleared it with him, and then spoke with my supervisor in private. I told her I felt this wasn't working out, I didn't see myself going any farther in the training than my current spot, and I felt it was unethical not to tell her. I said it was a waste of her time as well as mine. I mentioned our family plans (within the next year) and pointed out how training is a majority of the first year so it would be a wasted investment on me and I felt that was unfair of me to do to them knowingly. She said she was very impressed that I told her so openly, over a week before our intended review. In general it was a very positive "first quitting" experience, I suppose, and she quickly recommended me for an open position in marketing--even went to every person who will decide on that position and talked to them about me. It was pretty clear that this was my decision to leave the program but not one with any bad blood behind it--it just wasn't a fit. She made it clear that she still felt I was bright, intelligent, a quick study, a hard worker, and a pleasure to work with. Then I went ahead and did training all day, as I had two segments to present myself, and at the end of today I got to leave AT 6!!!! Not 7, but 6!! Woohoo! It was great. And I already have three consecutive interviews set up for the marketing position, which is basically doing the web content, email marketing, etc tomorrow morning. I had a preliminary interview today at lunch. I have absolutely NO idea what will happen with that but I've decided I'm going to roll with it. There are perks to staying there (I already know and generally like everyone, no new paperwork, no more interviewing), but there are also downsides (moving closer downtown in a few months with 300/month parking, far enough away already, etc). So, ehhhhh. I don't know.

So that is where I am. Odd switch, isn't it? But I feel SO relieved. I can't even explain what a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I'm a terrible liar and I know it--and I was lying by pretending I was into the program when I wasn't. And now I can concentrate on preparing to make a baby (woohoo!), find a job that is less strenuous, and can, for once, indulge myself a bit.

I feel good.

Fertility

Friday brought about a realisation that had been a long time coming. I've wanted to have a baby for the last...two years? This past year the desire to have children has been especially strong, and I've been putting it off and putting it off for one reason or another. Well, now we are to the point where we could swing a baby, and I haven't been able to concentrate on my job because of it. (Subtext here: job isn't fun, is 60 hours a week of telemarketing, definitely not what I thought it would be, and I don't see myself being happy in it at all, either now or long-term.) While crying on the way home on the cell phone to my husband on Friday (tears + cell phone + driving = stupid, but I did it anyway), the truth came out: I've waited so long already, and I don't believe I'll be happy until I go ahead and move into the next phase of my life, which I am sure is having a child. I want and nearly need to be a stay at home mom. I've been having baby dreams constantly these last few years, feel a surge of anger at Aunt Flo every month, and during the day at work I daydream about being able to stay home and do what*I* want to do, which is be a stay at home mom. It seems like every one of my senses these last two years has been focused on moving into motherhood--I wonder, is it hormones or God's way of nudging me to move into where I need to be. Perhaps it is both? Am I failing my Vandy-Harvard pedigree by wanting to spend the next few years creating a family? (Oh, heavens to Betsy, an Ivy league woman sees the value of children and family! Where is her au pair??) I feel like there's all the time in the world for a career down the line, but this is where I feel I need to go now. Also, I have always known what matters to me most is family, and I'm kidding myself if I declare that I am a career woman first and foremost. I'm not. I'm a girl from a big family who wants a big family of her own, and I'm darned sick and tired of putting it off.

So, we talked it out, and my husband is ready. Financially we can swing it and we've decided to give it a go. I finish this round of birth control within the next few days and I'm not beginning a new one. I've also begun reading The Mother of All Baby Books by Ann Douglas, recommended to me by a friend with four children, and it's great! I especially like the beginning of it where she discusses the impossibility of having a "right time" to have children. She interviewed many women to write this book and includes a lot of their experiences. The jist of it is: there is no good time. If you can make ends meet month to month and you have a healthy marriage, those are all the necessary factors. Well, we are. We're healthy, incredibly happy in our marriage, emotionally grounded, financially stable, and we've wanted a baby for a long time. We kept waiting until it was "time," but it seems like now it's time.

The funny part is the discussion we had after my Friday tearful rant. Saturday morning, having thought through it for awhile, I announced to my husband, "I want to have a baby." He said, "Oh?...okay."
"No, honey, I mean that's what I want to DO."
"I said okay."
"I mean that is what I want to do with my life NOW."
"Right."
"I want to start trying to conceive NOW. I want to be a stay at home mom as soon as possible."
"I said I agree! Geesh. When do finish up this round of birth control?"
"Thursday."
"Then that is when we will begin trying."
(pause)
"...Umm, aren't you going to argue? See I had all these reasons..."
(rolling his eyes) "Were you ready to cry?"
(pause) "...yes."

Now I'm preparing to go for another three days at my ridiculously stressful job, but I hope I'll handle it better now that I know it's not permanent. Thursday and Friday we have off for graduation. I don't know what we'll do if I don't want to stick with this job, or if morning sickness precludes me--I'll probably find work elsewhere for the time being and then will stop working around 5-6 months to prepare for the baby. Who knows?

Oh, and though only two of my readers know my parents, I just want to add the tag that this is not public knowledge in the folks-who-know-me-way. We do not want to disappoint everyone if we don't get preggers right off, so please keep the fact that we are trying mum. (Okay, Gracie and Kat, you also probably realize that we don't want to hear what my MIL has to say about it. This news will go down better once it's reality. My parents have known for a long time that I want a baby asap, so there's no shock there, but if they know, we have to tell my in-laws, and that will not be fun.)

Ah, baby fever! While I'm here, I'll type up a song I like to sing to myself. This is to the tune of Thriller:
I've got the baby FE-VER! FE-VER NOW!
My hormones' goin' crazy and my body wants a baby
Baby FE-VER! Fe-ver now
My womb is going wild and my body wants a child--tonight!

Yes, clearly I have baby fever. I made that up months ago but I still like to get down to it doing dishes.

So that's my news. And I feel so incredibly impatient on so many levels. I feel like for ONCE, I want to put my needs first and follow what my heart has been telling me these past two years. I'm the girl who always does the right, responsible, socially-acceptable thing, and in my social circles, folks don't get pregnant until they're at least 30. Well, I don't want to wait, and I don't see much sense in it either. Perhaps I am being selfish in this regard, but we want four children and I don't want to give birth into my forties. I am nearly always a girl who tests the water with each toe before sloooooooowly getting in, but in all the best decisions of my life, I've simply followed my heart and jumped. I do believe this is one of them.

If anybody reading this blog has recommendations for reading material, please feel free to post. Otherwise, send up some fertility prayers while you're praying tonight.