Yet another storm

And this time, it downed a tree and knocked the power lines down and I had to park in the neighbors' driveway because our whole half of the street was blocked by knee-level wires. I ducked under where it was five feet high to get in the house. The "guys," whoever they are, are working on it now. I heard chain saws about half an hour ago.

The dog was panicking during the enormous storm...and when I took him to the bedroom to snuggle and insulate ourselves from scary sounds, he quickly moved to this position:

He only poked his head to plead with me, "Make it stop!" The rest of the time, all I could see was a little black nose behind the bed skirt.

Job's still going great; I really enjoy it. Hubby comes back tomorrow--woohoo! I hate it when he's gone. I'll clean up tomorrow morning.

I've been watching My Big Fat Greek wedding and feel homesick for my own family. There won't be a big family event for awhile...well, my cousin's birthday is a shindig in September. He turns one. He's my first cousin once removed? Anyway, everybody's coming in town for that. If my mom goes I might ask if my parents would fly me to Cinci to go too. I hate being stuck away from everybody here in Boston.

Oops, hubby on the phone, gotta go.

My Boring Life

So, I realized today that I don't have much of an interesting life. I don't even have groups on livejournal that I can join except for the clucky board, of which I'm already a member! The clucky board is for women who want kids but have to wait...boy, that's me. I daydream about having an accident, I really do. I would curse my bank account but I realize I have it better than some do, so I should let it be. But really, sometimes I wish I could be the irresponsible one for once!!! Who cares about dumb ole debt? Right? Not quite. Since the hubby is gone, I can't shoot for an accident, which is probably for the best.

The hubby is only having a medium-fun time with his troop at camp. Since he's the only DE there (and he's not actually taking time off work--he's answering phone calls and such the entire week), he doesn't have the luxury of letting "someone else" handle problems. For example, the section of camp they were in became overcrowded so he had to pack up his tent and move across camp. But, like he said, it's better that he have to do this kind of stuff than a volunteer.

Work was pretty bland today; I spent the whole day looking at Excel spreadsheets and I feel like a zombie now. I didn't sleep well last night so I'm pretty exhausted now. I rented the new Pride and Prejudice over the weekend and I'll pop it in soon and snuggle the dog. I put french onion soup into the oven and it's starting to smell lovely.

Last night our softball team won our game and then we went out for pizza. It was really good and was fun. Tomorrow I'm going downtown for makeup shopping with a friend from work. It is so hard to meet people in Boston and I'm glad I have a friend in my coworker. And it's turning out that we're not going to be "work friends" but "hang out and do stuff and have lunch" friends. I think I'm going to have better luck making friends in the "real world" than I did at Harvard. I mean there, I would try to make friends, only to quit once I realized that the other person was flying in from Planet Militant Marxism. I think in business there are more capitalists, which is a great start for a friendship!

Incidentally, while I have been productive since the hubby has been gone, I haven't been half as productive as I planned because I've agreed to after-work activities simply so I wouldn't have to go to an empty house. I suppose that is the way things go.

My dad's pretty sick again, and no, I don't really want to talk about it. I just thought I'd give the update.

Oh, Nancy French's book is now available for pre-order! I can't wait to read it. Check out her blog (link to the side) for an entry on it. Woohoo!

I hate being alone for a week. Perhaps my Jane Austen movie will make the melancholy less acute.

Photos of the Front Steps and a Sunday Update

Well, it's Sunday, and I'm (gasp!) skipping church. The husband had to go to camp with his little troop so he was getting ready and leaving about the time church began. I didn't want to miss seeing him off.

I have been almost looking forward to his being gone--not because of *him*, but because there are all sorts of cleaning projects around the house I've been dying to do. This week I'll be so bored that I'll actually DO those projects! They're all fairly small but irritating--things like scrubbing the tub, hemming pants, tidying the laundry room, cleaning the kitchen table, organizing my clothes and putting the sweaters in the chest...very, very dull week ahead of me, but once it's over, it'll feel SO good!!! Last week we did a lot of work on the outside of the house and it made a huge difference. Here are the before and after pix:
BEFORE:















AFTER:















This week I want to do the inside, and since the hubby won't be around to distract me, I hope to get a lot done. I will miss him a lot though. I'm going to channel that energy into cleaning.

Yesterday we went to the Museum of Science downtown and had a good time. The OmniTheatre was showing a movie on ancient Greece and that was absolutely worth seeing! Hubby kept having to shut his eyes because of motion sickness but I thought it was great.

On the way home we were discussing how our lives have changed, and we realized that we've both had to streamline our lives significantly. This was not actually done from choice (at least originally)--we both tried to live more open lives with friends in and out all the time, but found that being young and married made us so different that that lifestyle wouldn't work. We simply don't fit in with the folks our age nor do we fit in with other marrieds (who are all older). So, our course of action has been to concentrate on our careers, our home, and our marriage while keeping in touch with true friends who live far away. On one hand, this disappoints me (not having loads of local friends to hang out with), but on the other hand, there have been unforeseen benefits. For example, we are pretty clear-headed about our long-term goals and we are intentional about our choices. Perhaps it's a toss-up. This entire conversation came about because I mentioned that I wished we were the type of couple who retired to the patio after a long day of work for a glass of wine with some friends. (Does any American really do that anyway? The Greeks in the movie made it look so easy...) I think in my imagination, getting a lot of these nagging chores done will make my return home after work more relaxing. When I don't have things hanging over my head, I feel so much more free. (Free to do what? Ummm, walk the dog? But that's not the point.)

One thing I'm becoming more and more clear-headed about is that I will likely apply to business school in a year. We've done a lot of thinking about how we want our lives to go--and what lifestyle we want to live--and it looks like I'll have a lot more freedom with an MBA than without one. Oh, and for those of you who are wondering "what happened to having a baby?," I'm going to be shamelessly honest and say we realized we can't afford it right now. With our student loans, every month I don't work we'd go in the hole at least 1k--not counting baby expenses. We have some savings but not that much. When the hubby said he was up for having a baby now, I thought he meant for me to stay home permanently, and he meant that I could stay home for the paid maternity leave and then go back to work. Well, we all know how expensive day care can be, and even if I did continue working, we'd likely be living paycheck to paycheck after baby and daycare expenses. By waiting a bit and getting some things paid off, we'll be in a much better place when we have a baby. This was not an easy or fun realization but I'm going with it for now.

In terms of the house, we have some upcoming large expenses we didn't expect, and we're a little frustrated about a few of them. However, they must be done, and we're grateful we both have steady work to pay for them.

Oh, goodness gracious, I JUST remembered that I have an important meeting today at 4:30. Good thing I didn't forget that!!!! Whew!

Well, I'd better throw on some work clothes and get a move on.

Friday Morning

I've been told I need to update, but I don't have much to say. This week I've not been sleeping well and thus have been uncharacteristically tired every day. Last night I played in my company's softball game (a playoff game!) and we won by a run at the end. I am *terrible* at softball, so of course I embarrassed myself sufficiently during the course of the game. I also made a couple of good plays--as in two decent throws at important times--and my quick little legs got a run. I was on second and the batter got a ground hit, and as I was running to third base, the third base coach saw my speed and said, "If you hurry I think you can make it!" And I did make it by a good four feet. High fives all around!

Nothing much else is happening. I feel like I'm behind on absolutely everything, but I hope to fix that next week when the husband will be at camp. These are really boring things like hemming pants, taking suits to the cleaners, doing laundry...fun, I know.

Okay, we have an office-wide meeting in 8 minutes and I want to get a good seat. I wish Matt's girlfriend would bake cookies for him to bring again.

Saturday Morning

Is there anything better than a reasonably-clean house and a newly-stocked fridge? Well, yes, I'm sure there are better things, but for the time being, I'm enjoying the feeling. It really reminds me how blessed we are; so many people don't have the option of going to the grocery and bringing home a wide array of nutritious foods. We have friends who just moved back to South Africa to do AIDs Christian ministry, and I know that many of the folks they minister to will not have a house and a stocked fridge like we get to enjoy today. Perhaps this is a small blessing in life--and you might think it's meaningless--but I am grateful for it.

Today I'm going to be doing yard work. My husband will be at the camp in NH for a meeting and will come back around 3. Then it'll be time for our friends' housewarming party--how exciting! This is probably the best friend I have in Boston, and a little over a year ago she met the man she is marrying in a few weeks and immediately fell madly in love. A week into it, she knew--and, given our history, I understood! I had the sorrow of watching her move to NH to be with him, but the joy of knowing how happy she was. I'm singing in their wedding, and I get to sing the song that was "our song" to which we danced our first dance as husband and wife.

I've been keeping up with dieting pretty well, and I feel better. Go me! Today's weeding should burn some calories. I'm going to take a before picture so that the after will look that much better. It's pretty awful right now, as you might guess. All this Boston rain has led to a jungle instead of a front porch. I'll fix that!

Well, time to surf others' blogs. Hope your Saturdays are great too!

Thanks, Renee

Thanks for alerting me, Renee. I don't know what to do about the photo except acknowledge that some people are just jerks and use slander instead of discussion.
Let me know if you have other suggestions.

It's Been Awhile

I've been told I need to update, and I agree that it has been awhile since I've written. Last week I was in Colorado on vacation, woohoo! I went hiking and fishing and even went skeet shooting. Nothing much happened while I was there; I got a sunburn on my knees and watched a great parade on July 4. Other than that...ate a lot of food, read books, relaxed...yep, that's about it.

And that brings me to this: today is the day of my new Get in Shape Girl program. I tried to begin before vacation but didn't keep it up during vacation so I'm trying again. I have joined the Presidential Fitness thing and I have to work out at least 30 minutes, 5 times a week for 6-8 weeks and I'll get a medal (probably an e-medal). Go me! I ran on the treadmill tonight, 2.2 miles, and did lots of situps, pushups, and leg lifts. It wasn't easy, and it wasn't pretty, but I feel good that I can still do it. I wonder how long it'll take me before I'm actually back in shape. I'm also setting a goal of eating salad every day this week for lunch. We don't own a scale so I'll just have to go on how my pants fit. Speaking of that, I need to hem a pair tonight to wear tomorrow.

It has just occured to me that this blog post is terribly uninteresting. Sorry.

I got a new computer at work. TWO monitors! Woohoo! I love it. Work was pretty slow today but eh, oh well. It was just slow beause I was waiting on other people.

I have been off coffee for nearly a month now, and every day is still a struggle. Will it ever get easier? I guess old habits are hard to break. I still love the smell of coffee in the mornings and every Starbucks I pass is a tempting stop-off.

Well, I'm off to hem my pants. Sorry this isn't more interesting; I'll write more stuff later.

Conclusion

I have been chewing on the fight within the UMC for quite awhile. This fight has been going on for decades and at the heart of it lies the question, "Are we called to recognize and repent from sin or are we called not to judge?" As you might imagine, the two sides have two very different implications, and for a long time, the latter has been more persuasive to me because, well, it's sexier. When we're called not to judge, there is an implicit attitude that whether or not sin exists, we shouldn't judge it, shouldn't name it, and therefore shouldn't expect others to repent of it. This easily transitions from "others" to the self, and we cease to view Jesus as a salvific figure and instead choose to view him as that beer-run buddy who doesn't give two hoots what we did with whom last night.

But now...now I see that this is false, full of a fool's arrogance.

To recognize sin as given to us in Scripture is not to judge the person who commits the sin. Even Jesus commanded healed persons, "Go and sin no more." We are called to a sanctified, continually purified lifestyle, not one of degredation and moral relativity. Jesus is our friend, sure, but he's a real friend, not the beer-run buddy we imagine him to be. We reduce him to a gross misrepresentation of his true self when we assume he'd sit quietly in a group therapy session, affirming everyone. Jesus, instead, is the truth-teller, the one who sees through the lies and half-truths, the one who demands that we respect him enough to be honest with ourselves and accountable to God. We should appreciate this about him.

Perhaps this new understanding has been brought about by a recent friendship's end, a friendship in which I was expected to be supportive (but not too supportive, otherwise I was pressuring) and positive (unless the friend wanted me to agree with her negativity). I began to realize that there was no room for ME, no room for my opinions or attitudes toward life. I chose to end the friendship because continuing it was an exercise in futility, and perhaps it was then that I realized we often put Jesus in the same spot when we accept his Grace but not the responsibilities entailed, when we accept the offering of salvation without the necessary truth, when we force him to be what makes us feel good about ourselves.

We are unfair to him when we refuse to name and repent from our sins. We are dishonest with other Christians when we pretend to condone that which God has laid down as sinful. And, perhaps, we are simply lying to ourselves. Acknowledging truth that already exists is different from judging the entirety of a person--only God can do that. What we see in part, God sees in whole. But should we be unwilling to care for and correct the part because we do not see the whole? We do not hesistate to correct a child who is hurting another child simply because we are not the parent, and neither should we hesitate to rebuke sinful behaviour of another simply because we are not the heavenly parent. Only God can judge a person, but we can recognize and rebuke sin--in fact our repenting of sins and God's judgment are meant to go hand-in-hand. When we repent of our sins, God's judgment is mercy itself. When we insist we are free from sin, we through salt into Jesus' wounds and win no mercy from God.

Great Weekend

Yep, that's right, my weekend was great. KC was sunny and had a light breeze--such perfect weather that every possible moment, I was sitting out on the back patio with a book, sunglasses, and whatever dog would come out with me. Love-ly! The Royals game went well and I "sang" beautifully (even though I recorded it over a week ago). Everyone thought it was great and told me so. It was quite a moment for the ego of a woman who "used to sing" but no longer does. I guess I still got it. It's a bit similar to the feeling of fitting into the pants you were CONVINCED you had grown out of, which I also did last week.

Speaking of fitting into pants, my husband and I have begun something of a get in shape program, though there's really no program and we're not working out at the same time. Nor do we weigh ourselves, take measurements, or set goals. It basically consists of committing to jogging on the treadmill at least four times a week and sticking to a more nutritious, healthy diet. I am in better shape than my husband and lately he has been really bothered by his weight gain since we met. I've been concerned about mine, too, but perhaps because women are supposed to have curves, I have been able to laugh mine off more. I wish I could figure out a way to support him without making him feel overweight, but so far it seems that just encouraging him without being pushy is going okay. I think when he starts making progress I'll be sure to notice, but until then, there's not much to say.

So, I just jogged/powerwalked two miles, took a shower, and now I'm making some plain pasta for dinner. We're out of pretty well everything grocery-wise, and we don't want to stock up too much because Friday night we're headed for a vacation in Colorado. We'll hike, fish, and generally stay outside and stay healthy as much as possible. We REALLY need a vacation!!!! Boy are we ever ready.

Guess that's all the news. I had some thoughts earlier but I've forgotten them. I think I'll grab my book to read during dinner, as hubby is out at a meeting until 9.

It's Official!

Today I got the news that I've been hired on for good in the role I've been doing. Same pay, better hours, and I actually enjoy it! Amazing, really, how events unfolded. I'm quite pleased with it all. I have been getting to know my real boss this week (last week he was out of town and I was reporting directly to his supervisor) and he's great. I really like working with him. The official email to the office was sent out today and I got notes of congratulations from folks all over the country. Everyone seems pleased and so am I.

Speaking of being pleased, I think I must have the best husband in the world. He is so thoughtful and bought me a fancy pair of earrings for our anniversary! I've wanted earrings like this for a long time, and he spent the morning driving around, looking at them and choosing a pair. He bought the pair this afternoon and gave them to me when I got home. I am wearing them now and I'm SO pretty! I love them. Oh, and he made it a point to tell me all the ways in which I deserve such a beautiful, indulgent gift, pointing out all the things I've done well or been good at this last year. Now I feel guilty that all I did was take him out for Mexican food! :)

So, things are good, and tomorrow night we're flying to KC and I'm singing the national anthem on Saturday night at the Royals game. Yay! Right now I'm going to go pack.

Confession

I have a confession.

I got to reading so much about the perils of pregnancy that I scared myself witless and began another round of birth control on Thursday. My husband feels very relaxed about it but agreed that if I were nervous, waiting a month wouldn't be much of a bother. Plus, we've agreed that we're going to read, "We're Pregnant," a book written during the duration of a pregnancy by a happily married couple. Perhaps we need a bit more time to think and talk about not just having a baby--which we know we could do--but the responsibility of raising a person. Eh, in any case, it's only a month. Also, we had done the math and found that we were not, in fact, going to be able to have me stay home for more than a few months. Frustrating! There are many options, however, and the one I like the most would be for me to go into business for myself. In my current position at work (web content specialist, a job that I'm finding to be super-fun), I write copy for the web and for other promotional material, do web layout, interview people, and more. It is so great, and it's something that I could do from home and simply contract out. A woman at work does that--in fact she contracts out part of her week to my company. She said it's a great job to do from home and referred me to the websites of some of her mentors--many of whom are mothers themselves. So I am taking the time to look at this and possibly drum up some business on the side--not for competitors, of course, but local churches or something. I also can do web design. As you can tell, there's a lot to think about. And to be honest, every month of work adds a considerable amount to the bank account, money that we're putting toward our most pressing loans. Every month that I work means two months longer that I could stay home with the baby without working. THAT is a real impetus.

So, now that I don't hate my job, I am indulging my inquisitive side and using the time to educate myself on exactly what I will be going through. My husband is doing so also. Plus, we're fixing up the house as quickly as possible (once I'm pregnant, I really shouldn't be around fumes). So...that's my confession.

As an aside, I really do enjoy this position at work, and I'm great at it so far. This week I get to learn Dreamweaver and I'm teaching myself html programming. After I master most of html (the basics), I'll begin css.

Today is our first anniversary--yay! We had soooo much fun yesterday. We went to the zoo downtown and they had Baby Day, where they had a bunch of activities for kids and all the baby animals on display. My favorite was the baby giraffe. Then we went to the mall and walked around, and after that we came back and made cheese fondue, drank a bottle of champagne, and watched the Pink Panther. And today we played bells in church and went out for nachos and margaritas. Now we're tidying the house and are going to put up our new kitchen fan (it's above 90 today!) because we don't have air conditioning and we have dinner guests coming over at six. We're feeling fat and happy, and ever so much in love. A year ago I would have told you I never could have loved my husband more than I did then, but I do. It is a real blessing in the changing sands of time to feel your infatuation and deep respect for a person grow. It's not just love, it's...intoxicating dedication. Is there anything better than coming home every night to the love of your life? I am so blessed.

Latest Fears

So as I was waiting for my husband to come to bed last night, my latest fear hit me. I've been reading through my pregnancy book, confused about how exactly women SURVIVE this, and I realized that my biggest fear is that my marriage will take a turn for the worse once we add a child to the mix. How realistic is this? Is this a common fear? I don't mind some stress, but I do mind total annihilation.

On a more metaphysical note, I think I will try to track my feelings and thoughts during the pregnancy. Perhaps I can continue my senior thesis habit of writing devotionals throughout my pregnancy, and maybe something will come of it. I've picked out a journal online, though I realize I'll likely end up typing most of it.

Even more updates

I really have had the strangest week. In terms of a job, I ended up staying at work Wednesday after my interview doing projects all day as a trial run. They were impressed with my work and I actually had FUN doing it! So then it turned out they wanted to keep me on as an employee, if anything just so that they wouldn't have to redo paperwork if they chose me for this position, so I got paid time off for Thursday and Friday. The latest update on the job front is that they want me to come in Monday, get to know the rest of the team better, and do more projects (as a paid employee). I figure hey, why not? It will give me time to see if I like it and it'll give them time to see if they like me as much as they think they do.

Graduation was pretty fun. We were in mud up to our ankles--typical Ivy League! Of course they hadn't much prepared for it and weren't apologetic about it. We sat in the rain for hours. My husband and I got our picture taken a bunch because, in an effort to be festive, we put "NEWLY" on his mortar board and "WEDS" on mine. Sitting together, our hats said NEWLYWEDS, and people thought we were a hoot. The University newspaper, the Div school paper, and others came and got our names and such. Fun! Then we had an incredible dinner at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse--yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I had filet mignon, a baked potato, calamari, bread, wine, creme brulee, and coffee. I thought I was going to pop a button off my pants by the end! We had a private dining room because there were so many of us and it was absolutely lovely. I don't think I've enjoyed myself that much in months.

Yesterday I met up with my husband's family and we went for a nice long lunch at Legal Seafood, then walked around Quincy Market, Faneuil Hall, back to the Commons, Prudential, and finally went to the Red Sox game at Fenway. It was great! My mom and brother met us for the Sox game so we had a big line of folks there. It only began raining at the very end--last inning and a half. I had bought a green Sox cap so the rain didn't bother me.

I have to say that it's still strange to have tourists running amok in "my" city--and it's also weird to know that this is now "my" city. I never expected to settle in Boston, but here we are, homeowners, and I think that means we can claim it.

I've been reading that book on pregnancy and I wonder, with all the symptoms that pregnant women have, will I be able to work during the pregnancy???

Update

I feel I must go ahead and update you all and tell you about my day. It was a bit weird as days go. First off, when I arrived at work this morning, knowing I had NO phone calls and just a full day of training ahead of me, I had an overwhelming sense that it was wrong to know I didn't want to stay in this training program and not be honest with my supervisor. The thought of continuing to keep my big trap shut nearly made me sick to my stomach, so I quickly called my husband, cleared it with him, and then spoke with my supervisor in private. I told her I felt this wasn't working out, I didn't see myself going any farther in the training than my current spot, and I felt it was unethical not to tell her. I said it was a waste of her time as well as mine. I mentioned our family plans (within the next year) and pointed out how training is a majority of the first year so it would be a wasted investment on me and I felt that was unfair of me to do to them knowingly. She said she was very impressed that I told her so openly, over a week before our intended review. In general it was a very positive "first quitting" experience, I suppose, and she quickly recommended me for an open position in marketing--even went to every person who will decide on that position and talked to them about me. It was pretty clear that this was my decision to leave the program but not one with any bad blood behind it--it just wasn't a fit. She made it clear that she still felt I was bright, intelligent, a quick study, a hard worker, and a pleasure to work with. Then I went ahead and did training all day, as I had two segments to present myself, and at the end of today I got to leave AT 6!!!! Not 7, but 6!! Woohoo! It was great. And I already have three consecutive interviews set up for the marketing position, which is basically doing the web content, email marketing, etc tomorrow morning. I had a preliminary interview today at lunch. I have absolutely NO idea what will happen with that but I've decided I'm going to roll with it. There are perks to staying there (I already know and generally like everyone, no new paperwork, no more interviewing), but there are also downsides (moving closer downtown in a few months with 300/month parking, far enough away already, etc). So, ehhhhh. I don't know.

So that is where I am. Odd switch, isn't it? But I feel SO relieved. I can't even explain what a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I'm a terrible liar and I know it--and I was lying by pretending I was into the program when I wasn't. And now I can concentrate on preparing to make a baby (woohoo!), find a job that is less strenuous, and can, for once, indulge myself a bit.

I feel good.

Fertility

Friday brought about a realisation that had been a long time coming. I've wanted to have a baby for the last...two years? This past year the desire to have children has been especially strong, and I've been putting it off and putting it off for one reason or another. Well, now we are to the point where we could swing a baby, and I haven't been able to concentrate on my job because of it. (Subtext here: job isn't fun, is 60 hours a week of telemarketing, definitely not what I thought it would be, and I don't see myself being happy in it at all, either now or long-term.) While crying on the way home on the cell phone to my husband on Friday (tears + cell phone + driving = stupid, but I did it anyway), the truth came out: I've waited so long already, and I don't believe I'll be happy until I go ahead and move into the next phase of my life, which I am sure is having a child. I want and nearly need to be a stay at home mom. I've been having baby dreams constantly these last few years, feel a surge of anger at Aunt Flo every month, and during the day at work I daydream about being able to stay home and do what*I* want to do, which is be a stay at home mom. It seems like every one of my senses these last two years has been focused on moving into motherhood--I wonder, is it hormones or God's way of nudging me to move into where I need to be. Perhaps it is both? Am I failing my Vandy-Harvard pedigree by wanting to spend the next few years creating a family? (Oh, heavens to Betsy, an Ivy league woman sees the value of children and family! Where is her au pair??) I feel like there's all the time in the world for a career down the line, but this is where I feel I need to go now. Also, I have always known what matters to me most is family, and I'm kidding myself if I declare that I am a career woman first and foremost. I'm not. I'm a girl from a big family who wants a big family of her own, and I'm darned sick and tired of putting it off.

So, we talked it out, and my husband is ready. Financially we can swing it and we've decided to give it a go. I finish this round of birth control within the next few days and I'm not beginning a new one. I've also begun reading The Mother of All Baby Books by Ann Douglas, recommended to me by a friend with four children, and it's great! I especially like the beginning of it where she discusses the impossibility of having a "right time" to have children. She interviewed many women to write this book and includes a lot of their experiences. The jist of it is: there is no good time. If you can make ends meet month to month and you have a healthy marriage, those are all the necessary factors. Well, we are. We're healthy, incredibly happy in our marriage, emotionally grounded, financially stable, and we've wanted a baby for a long time. We kept waiting until it was "time," but it seems like now it's time.

The funny part is the discussion we had after my Friday tearful rant. Saturday morning, having thought through it for awhile, I announced to my husband, "I want to have a baby." He said, "Oh?...okay."
"No, honey, I mean that's what I want to DO."
"I said okay."
"I mean that is what I want to do with my life NOW."
"Right."
"I want to start trying to conceive NOW. I want to be a stay at home mom as soon as possible."
"I said I agree! Geesh. When do finish up this round of birth control?"
"Thursday."
"Then that is when we will begin trying."
(pause)
"...Umm, aren't you going to argue? See I had all these reasons..."
(rolling his eyes) "Were you ready to cry?"
(pause) "...yes."

Now I'm preparing to go for another three days at my ridiculously stressful job, but I hope I'll handle it better now that I know it's not permanent. Thursday and Friday we have off for graduation. I don't know what we'll do if I don't want to stick with this job, or if morning sickness precludes me--I'll probably find work elsewhere for the time being and then will stop working around 5-6 months to prepare for the baby. Who knows?

Oh, and though only two of my readers know my parents, I just want to add the tag that this is not public knowledge in the folks-who-know-me-way. We do not want to disappoint everyone if we don't get preggers right off, so please keep the fact that we are trying mum. (Okay, Gracie and Kat, you also probably realize that we don't want to hear what my MIL has to say about it. This news will go down better once it's reality. My parents have known for a long time that I want a baby asap, so there's no shock there, but if they know, we have to tell my in-laws, and that will not be fun.)

Ah, baby fever! While I'm here, I'll type up a song I like to sing to myself. This is to the tune of Thriller:
I've got the baby FE-VER! FE-VER NOW!
My hormones' goin' crazy and my body wants a baby
Baby FE-VER! Fe-ver now
My womb is going wild and my body wants a child--tonight!

Yes, clearly I have baby fever. I made that up months ago but I still like to get down to it doing dishes.

So that's my news. And I feel so incredibly impatient on so many levels. I feel like for ONCE, I want to put my needs first and follow what my heart has been telling me these past two years. I'm the girl who always does the right, responsible, socially-acceptable thing, and in my social circles, folks don't get pregnant until they're at least 30. Well, I don't want to wait, and I don't see much sense in it either. Perhaps I am being selfish in this regard, but we want four children and I don't want to give birth into my forties. I am nearly always a girl who tests the water with each toe before sloooooooowly getting in, but in all the best decisions of my life, I've simply followed my heart and jumped. I do believe this is one of them.

If anybody reading this blog has recommendations for reading material, please feel free to post. Otherwise, send up some fertility prayers while you're praying tonight.

All right, all right

It has been awhile since I posted! But it's a lovely Memorial Day morning, the sun is out, and I'm up with my dog while my husband is still asleep. No better time than now to blog!

Things overall have been a bit stressful. My job is very demanding but I'm acclimating pretty well, so that's good. I got to see the new office on Friday and it is swaaaaaaaaanky! We're moving the office in September. The office itself inspired me to be a more professional, successful worker. It's very posh and I want to earn the right to be there--and by that I mean I want to be successful at my training program so that when I move to the new office it'll nearly be time for a promotion.

My husband is okay. As I mentioned earlier, his car got broken into, so he has been a bit frustrated. We're both feeling some kind of throat problem and I don't know what it is. It must be tied to sinus drainage so I took a Sudafed when I awoke. On Saturday we did gobs of work around the house and yesterday we went deep sea fishing with some friends so today we have *some* chores but not a full day's worth. I am toying with the idea of going to the fabric store to purchase some fabric to make a drape for the second bedroom's closet door. There is already a dowel rod in place. My alternative option is to do yard work, which could also be therapeutic. We need to paint and such inside but I don't know when we'll get to it. I have to admit that on a cloudy, cool, rainless day my first move is to go outside. I'm also reading Elizabeth Peters' Serpent on the Crown (started it last night) and it's fun. I so rarely get to read fiction that this feels like a real treat. I also feel I should run today--I dreamed last night that an old friend said I was on the verge of being overweight. Whether this is true or it's just my subconscious mind, it still shows that I'm concerned about my health. However, if this throat thing doesn't subside, I'll rest. I don't have enough time to eat at work and I definitely haven't been overeating. Usually the stress alone keeps me from eating much all day.

We have finished our coursework and turned everything in. It feels so strange not to have homework to do every evening! I can't believe I finished on time. No, really, I'm not just saying that. I'm still scratching my head about how exactly it happened!!

I think it's time to pour myself some Cheerios (breakfast of choice when I will be home most of the day and don't have to worry about going 6 hours between meals) and continue on with Mrs. Amelia Peabody and her crazy Egyptian adventures...but since the chimney guy is coming again, perhaps I should change into presentable clothing first!

Update

My husband's car was broken into last night at the movies. His stereo, palm pilot with GPS, separate GPS, and all relevant chargers were stolen. So, I came home and logged on to livejournal to see that a friend's cousin found one of her babies dead of SIDs.

Puts it in perspective, right? We've got our health, our dog, and our jobs. Gadgets can be replaced.

More Photos

Anybody out there surprised? This is my neighborhood! These are my neighbors! (and note that this is my hill, on which my house sits, high above the water...how privileged we are!!!)

Okay, for references, those houses are NOT supposed to be in the lake. And in this latter photo, that USED to be a road intersecting with our road at the bottom of the hill (on the opposite side from the lake). So if we look to our left from our house, we see houses in the lake, and if we look to our right, we see a lake where a road used to be.

The Flooding

This is a house at the end of our street. It normally is NEAR the pond but not IN the pond. Flooding, anyone?

Saturday Update

I'm sitting down with my java on this rainy Saturday morning and it's time to update. Our modest little abode has turned into a New England wilderness with all the rain. If you ever watched the latest version of Little Women, you have seen the green summer foliage of New England. The rain hasn't stopped since Tuesday. When will it end? I'm ready!

Viola, you are too sweet! No, I didn't study music in college, but I've always been a singy girl. I did musical theatre for years but my love of dance probably trumped my singing. I'm so glad you like my music!

I began my new job Wednesday and, well, it's odd. I like everyone and I think I'll like the job, but my boss is out of town and the girl who was supposed to train me on quite a bit of stuff has also been out sick, so we've been winging it. I have been reading everything I can, contacting people about meeting with me, etc. There is a list of "down time" activities for me to have done by next Friday and I'm almost finished with it already. There is another trainee going through this with me but he was a temp for the company the last three weeks and he seems to feel that training is beneath him. He continually interrupts those who present information to us, brags constantly, loves to hear himself talk, refuses to do the homework assigned to us, etc. It's awkward for me because 1) the answers to his questions are in the manual that we are supposed to have read (and I read it), and 2) I am not interested in listening to him brag. That being said, this program is pretty competitive, and he's making SURE to point out how great he is in every instance--particularly whenever he can also work in how "new" and "inexperienced" I am. I can't let that happen, but I don't exactly know what to do about it. He stays late every evening (though I don't see that he's actually that productive) so I've been arriving early. I want to look like the most professional, competant woman I can be, but I tend to veer on the side of letting my work speak for itself. My colleague, conversely, brags at the drop of a hat. If anyone has any suggestions, let me know.

Last night was pretty interesting. Let me give you some background. I had to skip my husband's annual work dinner to go out for drinks with "Ed," a consultant of some sort who comes to improve the ability of salesmen to sell. I'll get to work with him in probably six months, but not yet. The entire sales and marketing team was expected to go--particularly sales. I was told by my boss via email that this guy pretty much picks who gets promoted, fired, etc. I also got the strong impression from my colleagues that this guy was a heavy drinker and heavy partier...greaaaaaaaat, right? I had met him a couple of times, but of course couldn't get a word in edgewise due to my colleague's shameless self-promotion, and when Ed noticed me, he admonished the rest of my colleagues and told them, "Don't hide this little light under a bushel!" He was very kind and remembered my name, and I saw him in passing a few times over the next few days.

Skip to last night at the bar. I showed up and got a glass of wine and began chatting with my colleagues--many of whom I hardly knew. That was fun because they're all terribly interesting and witty. After awhile, Ed worked his way over, and he was wearing a flannel shirt. Flannel! Everyone else was in fancy suits and he was wearing a lumberjack shirt! For whatever reason, I forgot about impressing him because he was just a regular flannel shirted guy, just like my husband. We had a great conversation and after he left, the other person I was talking with turned to me and told me exactly how important Ed was in the company. Ed gets upwards of 50k a WEEK for consulting! (Of course this is rumor, so it probably isn't even close to that, but still, he's very, very important to our promotion.) Ed also does NOT take well to anyone who is nervous or a butt kisser. Okay, so at this point in the evening I wondered if I blew it, but Ed kept working his way back to my table and my conversation all evening. I honestly really liked him. He's not much of a drinker, has been married to his wife nearly 40 years, and is full of lively conversation. He's also a Scorpio like I am. We hit it off well, I think, and other people told me later how impressed he seemed to be with me. He winked at me a few times in a conspiratorial, non-sexual way and I got the strong impression that he enjoyed my company. He'll be at the office until Friday so perhaps I'll get a chance to say hello before he leaves town. I also spent an hour or so talking with my boss's boss's boss, and he was a hoot also. We got to talking about bear hunting and speeding and Maine and I laughed myself silly. I told him my embarrassing lobster story too. So I am *guessing* I did well, but since that was my first outing, I don't know how it was supposed to go.

Today I have to write a paper. Before I do that (but after I finish this coffee) the dog is going to get a bath. He has the strong smell of Wet Dog and it'll subside somewhat with a good shampoo. My husband is working until about two today. I plan also to get some housework done so that when my husband gets home we can concentrate on our homework.